Laceyhearts

After a restless night I woke up feeling very agitated. I felt the agitation building last night while eating dinner with my husband,he rakes the silverware across his teeth when he eats, then later he had some yogurt and was smacking his lips while eating that. Then his mere breathing while sleeping was about enough to drive me over the edge. One thing I have noticed is that when I try and detox from the alcohol, I become highly sensitive. Without the dulling effects of the alcohol, I become more aware of my surroundings. The T.V. is always on when my husband is home, which gets my birds chirping and screaching, the fish tank filter becomes really loud. I notice 1 of my dogs feet licking more, another dogs obsession with the ball even more and yet the 3rds growling at the rabbits in my front yard. OVER STIMULATION !
I don't have the shaking hands today but I still have the dull ache in my arm. I know it isn't heart related as that has been checked and after a couple of days it goes away, but it is still annoying. I am preoccupied with drinking as this is about the time I start drinking. I am anxious about Monday rolling around as hubby goes back to work. I don't drink when he is home, but the minute he leaves I start planning my alcohol intake, going as far as calling to see if he is coming home for lunch. If he is, I start drinking after he goes back to work, if he isn't I start after my 3rd or 4th cup of coffee.
I know I have to change the routine I have been living to get through this. I have to change the way I think and attempt to change the things I think about. I know I need to stay focused on the task at hand, which is staying sober. I have failed at staying sober numerous times, but know in my heart that I can do it. I have to do it for myself.

Thanks All for letting me vent.........................Laceyhearts.....

gurujake

Isn't this a great place to vent?? Sometimes just putting your thoughts out there take some of the power and intensity out of them. For me, talking to another person works even better. Do you have sober friends that you talk to regularly? I often find myself laughing after ranting and raving to my sponsor or another sober friend. As alcoholics, we need to develop new coping mechanisms to situations that bother us or make us feel uncomfortable. We can no longer use alcohol to simply escape those situations. For me, prayer and meditation are two things that help to quiet my mind. Another is simply talking to someone else about what you are going through...someone who understands. Truse, this does get much better with time...hang in there and don't drink no matter what. If you can succeed at that, you are perfect for today. Keep posting.

Anna

The thing we have to figure out when we stop drinking, is how to live in the real world without numbing our feelings. Just give it some time and you will adjust and get used to it.

And, yes, you do need to plan, plan, plan. You know that Monday will be a tough time, so go out for a long walk, visit a friend, do anything that will get you out of your normal routine. It really will help.

I'm so glad you're getting through this.

Golfman

Lacey,

Are you doing this alone? If so, you may want to consider an alternative. I've not found many people who can get sober completely on their own. Even though this site helps when it comes to encouragement and support, face-to-face contact with others in recovery is essential.

Have you considered AA. If you don't know anything about AA, are afraid to go, or just don't know, give it some thought. It's a wonderful place to find people who are going through what you're going through right now. You will find kind, caring, and undertanding people there. You will also find a new way to live. A place to learn how to deal with all the ditractions you describe in you post.

Your friend in sobriety,
Ed

GlassPrisoner

Anxiety, depression, agitation, indecisiveness etc are all normal in early sobriety. It will pass, eventually. But it's a gradual process.

I'll echo Golfmans sentiments. AA is wonderful, and through AA I found serenity. I can actually sit in bumper to bumper, rush hour traffic now without getting all worked up,

Laceyhearts

Sadly I am doing this alone. My husband and family have their own issues with my alcoholism. I do have a very good neighbor as to whom I can speak with when I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I have been to AA in the past, but at present I am not attending any meetings. Having an anxiety disorder makes it hard for me to leave my house.(I only went to the liquor stores with drive thrus) I have been attempting to find a Dr. who can help with some of my issues. I have been on many medications in the past, but currently I am on nothing other than hormones and something for my stomach. I should know tomorrow if this Dr. I found can treat me on an outpatient basis. He is a recovering alcoholic. Help is around the corner, I'm sure of it. Thank you all for your support............................Laceyhearts.... .

parentrecovers

lacey, it's great that you are reaching out for help from a doctor you feel you can trust. i know in my own path of recovery, i cannot do it myself - i need help and support.

just try to keep it simple these first days. don't get too far ahead in your thinking?

meanwhile, please don't feel you're alone - we are listening.

blessings, k

Laceyhearts

Feeling a bit better. Actually tired, from physical labor. I needed to get out of the house, as if I would have stayed in I would have cleaned the house, which I do every day, and then sat and napped in my chair. I went out and worked in my yard for a little over 3 hours. Sunny, warm and for a change, no wind. Played with my dogs and wore them out. Took a hot shower and now I am relaxing. I made plans to go talk with a woman who cleans houses tomorrow to get me out of my routine a bit. Figured I could clean a few house a week to keep my mind off of the drinking. Now I'm going to make dinner and then spend a little time working on a baby blanket I started 2 weeks ago. Hard to crochet when you're drunk. Have a great night All....
Laceyhearts.....

hope3

Hi Lacey, so you are working on a baby blanket.

My S/O's mother crochet's and knits and makes quilts.

She always has something in her hands she is working on.

Here's a picture of one she did.

Hope3