Pilgrim

Hi guys,

Everytime I stop drinking, reality is too hard for me to bear. It is just a nightmare. The warmth and denial of my situation that drinking brings seems to be my only option. Please help. I don't know how to handle facing up to the pain of my life without drink.

Steph.

h4lov909

I think that is the truth for many who drink/drug we do not have coping capabilities . For me i am just trying to take one day at a time not look to a long hopeless future, and whatever the situation is drinking can not make it any better!!

Surlyredhead

Sometimes a day at a time is to long.....just try for this hour, minute, second. All you need to concentrate on right now is not drinking. There will come a time, when we need to deal with the mess we made..but give yourself time to get sober first....that, after all, is the MOST important thing.

We are here for you....Cathy

stone

Hi Steph as you know I am finding things hard atm too, I completely believe we are both going to make it.

Mega-huge hugs babes.

hope3

Hi pilgram, I don't know exactly what to say.

I just want you to try to look at this minute, this day,

and what is so horrible. What can you do to change what is so

horrible, I'm sending you hugs pilgram, hang in there, it does

get better, it does...hope3

best

The steps used in AA are not just tools that help us find a way to stop drinking. More important then that... thy are tools that help us better understand and deal with life.
I have found so many truths to different sayings I see and hear people share.

One that comes to mind when dealing with life's struggles...

If you find yourself in hell, keep walking and go out the other side.

We can go through, around, or over each struggle and get to the other side but when we ignore each struggle (drink our problems away) The problems are still in front of us and won't go away till we deal with them.

Steps used in AA sure have helped many of us.

Pilgrim

I just told a friend - it is like everytime I sneak a peek at my life I get such a fright I need to retreat. We are talking serious from day 1 awful and still bad today. It's not my fault and even though I am starting to like myself more, I don't know how to get out of my situation. It is not like that because of drinking. I haven't made a mess of my life because I drank too much. It is just so cr*p and I want to stay hidden from it.

Surlyredhead

Hiding doesn't make it go away.

Pilgrim

I like that. If you are walking through hell - keep walking till you get out.

best

I have not had a drink for a few years now and still there can be a mess in my life and crap to deal with that wasn't caused by drinking. I use the steps every day as tools to help me with any problem.

Sometimes the answer is simple and we are so busy looking for huge that we don't see the answer. Smaller pieces... deal with things in smaller pieces.

NYCGirl

This might be way off base, but have you considered going to rehab for a period of time, I have never been, but friends have and I have read here that one of the goals is to equip you with coping skills. This way you have some ammunition when everything seem to be turning upside down.

On a simpiler note have you spoken to a doctor about this

Missymae737

Pilgrim,

I am glad to see that you are coming here with your thoughts. It is easier to pick up again without the support from your friends here...

Just know that there is a brilliant light at the end of the tunnel, just do not drink... Remember your hangovers, people you may have hurt, the guilt, shame, the agony of wanting more, the list goes on.

Thinking of you,

Love and peace...

Pilgrim

Hi Missy,

Thanks for caring. Guilt shame and agony have been with me since I was born. My drinking was about avoiding that. Not the greatest option but well - you wouldn't do surgery without anaesthetic on someone if it was available.

NYC - I have been going to counselling for a long time. In some ways, I think I am here because it is starting to work! Weird. I am a single Mum with a full time job so rehab is probably not an option. I am not even sure they have it in my city. My autistic son is a lot of work and there is no support for that either. Thanks for the advice though. I will keep it in mind. You are the best. Speaking of the best -

Best - small pieces. That sounds like a plan. I guess when I say I take a peek I am doing that. At some stage though, we need to make some choices that are big and have big implications. Those choices put me in a place that I have spent my whole life trying to avoid. Loneliness. I have been lonely since I was very little and taking a choice to be lonely again seems like asking the impossible. Giving up on my lifelong desperate search for love. That is something I can probably try to use the steps for.

Thanks everyone for your kind and caring words.

CarolD

I continue to pray for your peace.

Mega Hugs

nogard

Hi Steph,

good advice here, maybe worth reading again. All I will add is that if you stick with abstinenance one day (or minute) at a time, these feelings change and dissolve and at some point the obessesion and compulsion is removed. Keep doing the things your heart tells you are for you and keep hold of the hands offered and take the support.

Bon Voyage.

Kevin

Hope

Sending you huge hugs your way!
I KNOW what you are talking about. I can relate to everything you've posted.

What I am just now learning is that drinking compounds everything and makes it worse. When things finally start coming out (And they do!), not only will the original stuff still be there but it will be a thousand times bigger.

It isn't an easy road learning to cope with bad feelings and stuff that's happened but people do it everyday. We must keep the faith that if they can learn to get through this stuff, that we can do!

Drinking only makes us beat ourselves up with guilt and shame even harder.


You are not alone!

Rowan

Hi Steph,

Glad you're here and seeking help. I identified strongly with your post. Please keep coming. So much support and unconditional love for you here.

Rowan

barb dwyer

*prayers*

and happy thoughts

Talluleh

Hi Steph, how are you doing today?

Missymae737

Hi Steph,

Your friends want to hear how you are doing...Drop us a line ,OK???