whothat

Well, I'm back. I didn't drink all week and then blew it out last night. At a friends house and think that I drank three bottles by myself. (wine) I don't remember coming home I don't remembe what I said, I do know I woke up with a bruised ankle and a scratch. I HATE this why do I binge drink? I think that I am just going to have to stop drinking once and for all. If I loose my friends then they weren't my friends to begin with. I am feeling SO GUILTY. I am so embarrassed. I ran my mouth so much. I vaguley remember what I said to a point. Truth is I really don't even want to face tomorrow but today's consequences would have a permament effect so NO I'm not going to do anything stupid. I am so tired and I feeel like crap. It's all my fault. Why can't I just have a few drinks? Why do I have to drink so much in one sitting? I am so ashamed. Help.

Talluleh

whothat.. "Why can't I just have a few drinks? Why do I have to drink so much in one sitting? I am so ashamed.". I can't just have a few either, and I always woke up ashamed. I stopped drinking and don't wake up feeling ashamed anymore. I can't change what I have done in the past but I can get a hold on what I do today. So can you.

Welcome to SR.

Jersey Nonny

All we really have is today, right?

Quote:

Yesterday is history...tomorrow is a mystery...today is a gift. That's why it's called "the present".

Make the best of it.

chrisj728

Whothat, you have only done what all of us with a drink problem thought we could do. we all thought that we could drink and it somehow would be different.
Eventualy we have to come to terms with the fact that it is never different, our bodies are just not capable of having a couple and then stopping. If we drink we can't stop untill we are drunk and when drunk we have no control over our actions. So instead of beating yourself up about the past and what you may or may not have done, start accepting the fact that you are better off running your own life rather than letting alcohol run it for you.
Once you reach that conclusion you can start living without regreats and live life to the full.
Just decide that you wont take the first drink for today and the todays will turn into weeks, months & years. It may mean that you have to avoid going to friends houses at first if you think you may drink while there, but the long term bennefit will be worth it.
I wish you well in your recovery.

chris

Hope

Remember how horrible you feel right now!! Write it down and commit it to memory. Don't forget the pain that alcohol is causing you.

I know how much it all hurts right now. You can't change what is already done but today is a new day and it is a great day to move forward. People will forget the embarrasing things that you did...time is a good healer and brings upon forgetfulness of stuff. It justs seems so much worse right now because it just happened.

Don't beat yourself up anymore... learn something from this and continue forward on the journey.

You never have to go through this again. Just stay away from the first drink. It is the first one that gets us everytime.

Anna

I tried to stop so many times before I got it right. The main thing is to learn and move forward. You don't need to make the same mistakes again. Make some new decisions based on what you learned that night. You can do this!

Andy17

Hi Whothat, your post, the way your feeling it could all have been written by me, it was in a different way last weekend. I know JUST how you feel but I forget how I felt. You're post makes me remember, thanks whothat you're helping keep me sober

whothat

Thank you all for the advice. I sent out an email tomy friends apologizing for my behavior. They all of course said I was fine but I know better. Unfortunately I hide being drunk well. In the email I told them I would not be drinking anymore. I have made that decision today. Of course I made the same decision last week but as the week went on I forgot how I felt. Last night was a reminder and today's wasted day was a reminder. I can do this. As someone said earlier, I just can't have that first drink. One problem that I truly believe is the interaction with my meds. I take zoloft and I swear the alcohol is intensified on it. I am a binge drinking alcoholic and my research shows that that isjust the same as a plain old alcoholic. I've got to get my life in order, I've got to stop for my liver. I also have Type 2 diabetes and I swear the alcohol helped it manifest last year. There are so many reasons to quit. Now I just need to do it. I already wish it was Friday because then I'd be away from today.

Anna

Hi Whothat,

It sounds like you're moving forward and you're right there are many reasons for stopping drinking and you'll find so many benefits when you begin your lifre of sobriety. I had a terrible time dealing with the guilt and shame of how I acted when I was drinking. Someone here at SR suggested that I try journalling. It was really hard to do it and to write down the words, but it helped a lot.

CarolD

I had many false starts in early recovery.

You too can enjoy a healthier sober life.

2much

Its not easy but it will happen because you want it to. You dont want to be that person anymore.

Power to you whothat. You can do it, dont give up giving up.

Im still falling off relatively regularly - and it is very frustrating and quite disheartening but I WONT stop trying.

whothat

Well, it's the next day and I still feel so embarassed. I feel like crap and I am sick to my stomach. This anxeity and guilty feeling are all just too much! If I know how I feel the next day, then why do I drink? All of my friends have acepted my apology and have gotten on to me about being too hard on myself. They are too kind. They said I was actually funny. That might be true but today is not funny. I am just so ashamed. Iknow that over the next few days I'll feel better, but I don't need to forget how I feel right now so that right now won't happen again. Any suggestions on putting this feeling out of my mind?