topetah

well im working on my tenth day sober. coulda took a bad turn last nite. i have been doing great untill i get a phone call around 11 pm. it was my so called friend he called earler to check on me see how i was doing. few hours later he called again and said i dont wanna bring up old memorys but do you have ole boys number (crack dealer) i told him no but hold on maybe its in my call log history. sure enough there it was. cant believe i didnt delete it. so i had to write it down on a piece of paper and tell him the number. now i know i shoulda just said no. n e ways after hanging up with my so called friend i deleted my history on my cell phone. but for some odd reason i kept the number i had written down. put it safe in a drawer. had thoughts of using again. this made me sick couldnt sleep much last nite. so needless to say when i woke up this morning i ripped up the paper in little bits and poured bacon grease on it lol. i wanted to make sure it was destroyed. my question is why did i save his number last nite after all the crap i have been threw? why would i even think about calling him again? made me pretty sad today i did that but now its gone. the number is trashed and no longer on my phone. why why do we have these thoughts after all the shiit we have done. im feeling better now i took care of that but wonder will these thoughts ever end? im prob thinking no....jason

Rusty Zipper

jason,, glad to see bacon greeze has another use.. lol

as to why you would think of call'n crack dealer agin... you wouldnt... the rat of addiction would want you to...

you did the right thing this mor'n.. and if that so call friend calls again...

politily, HANG UP!

the thoughts can come and go, the more right things we do, as you did... the less the thoughts...

good wishes jason...

xxoo, rz

parentrecovers

people, places, and things. they'll get you. the bacon grease was a nice touch! stay strong, k

wiscgirl30

The only thing that matters is that you got rid of it today. Good job.

laurie6781

[QUOTE}my question is why did i save his number last nite after all the crap i have been threw?[/QUOTE]

Oh Topetah, that is your addiction, trying to convince you that this time would be different. Why?? because that is what alkies and/or addicts do, we keep that "ace in the hole", lol. Yep you got rid of that 'ace in the hole' this morning. You did good my friend.

I can tell you that slowly, as I replaced new actions and thoughts, the old 'stinkin thinkin' slowly disappeared.

Things like suggested above, when an old using buddy calls, just saying no and hanging up. When anything happens to cause me fear, or joy, or any emotion in between, I would quickly go to my journal and write about it, then would share it with someone I knew that was in recovery. You see, for years what I did for any emotion or feeling ...........................I drank and used drugs, yep................I even had a calendar at one point that had something for every day of the year that I could celebrate.

Erasing old tapes, by overriding them with new habits worked for me. It will work for you.

I too, liked the bacon grease, nice touch, lol.

Keep up the good work, keep posting, we do care.

Love and hugs,

Aysha

Hey Jason..I'm so glad you did that. I save numbers too. As a matter of fact I am delelting mine since we are being honest here. Thanks for the strength.
Also ...watch out for the vulchers. Meaning the ones who want to keep you down and maybe trigger you for their best interest. Motives maybe being.."I know he's got money ..Let's get him started and we will smoke for free."
People are like that.
Your doing great.
Numbers have always been my weakness. But thank goodness most of the time when I end up using alot of them again they are off for whatever reason.
I save them even when I know I shouldn't because I have relapsed so many times I want that easy,fast connect and really would rather not go roaming the block to find just whoever.
I can't wxplain it either.
Your doing so good. Stay strong. You did really good by ripping that number up.

justsomeguy

I deleted all my dealers numbers years ago...(knock on wood) now I just wish I could delete the beer and wine section at my Grocery store.... DOH.

Good job Jason, just make sure not to substitute alcohol for your drug problem, then you'll end up with both like me.

teej

I would politely say F*ck off!!!!! Then hang up!

ayla zaire

jason, everyone here has already said exactly what i would have said to you..i'm proud of you, my friend.....what you are doing for yourself and your son is an amazing thing....

ayla

katwomankc

hi jason
i too struggled with that, reservations. but i am glad that the bacon grease did the job. i can say that the further away from that last time using, the easier it gets. i really struggled with that. so i am telling you today i have 90 days clean. and i feel really great. and the need to use is slowly lifting away. hang in there my friend. it will get easier.

my name is kimmie a greatful recovering addict.

topetah

thank you everyone. that was nice of you all you respond like that. well i do feel better now and i did take it one step further. on my lunch break i had my phone number changed! now no one will have my number except for familly. i dont want any more calls about hey lets go get messed up. im tired of all that so i just decided since im sober with a fresh start why not start over with a new phone number. they can still stop by my house because they know where i live. but i dont have to answer the door thanks again. feeling real good about myself now...jason

stone

Hi Jason, good on you! For tearing that number up and the new number. Very wise of you.

Dom

You didn't save that number, your disease saved that number. My disease talks me, and as long as I know it's my disease talking and not me, I am in a good place. Good luck to you, you did a great job!

laurie6781

Nice Move!!!!!!!

Good for you.

Love and hugs,

SaTiT

Thanks for sharing jason

teej

good job jason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gypsytears

Good for getting rid of that number and even better changing your own .

nogard

well done Jason. How you doing today?

Kevin

topetah

i gotta say its getting much better as the time flys by me. at first it dragged so bad. such long days couldnt wait untill i saw my son again. but now im doing fantastic! i really feel good about myself for the first time in a long time. the weekend is coming up always a tuff time and im already booked untill sunday. sunday i get my boy back so looks like its gonna be another great weekend. might take him to the movies, hes been begging me. i think we both deserve it. now i'll i gotta do is take out a small load so i can buy some popcorn and a coke lol geeez! woman can always sneak in the good stuff in there purse. but im thinking a couple candy bars and a coke down the crotch isnt good for anybody. i think ill pay the money thanks for all your nice replys. you guys are great...jason