Jbh5058

Hi there. I'm going on my 83rd day of sobriety through aa. I have a sponser who is taking me through the steps and i've been feeling pretty good. The past couple of weeks i've been trying to make new friends because Most of my old ones are not good for my recovery at the moment. There are a great group of people my age(25) who have reached out to me. I'm very nervous and shy around new people and I just wonder if anyone else is having or has had this problem and how y'all adjusted. Drinking made it really easy to be social but the person I would become was not me. I'm still not sure of who i am and don't want to give anyone a false personality so I tend to keep pretty quite. Can anyone relate?
Jenn

StagebearNJ

My guess is a lot of us experienced this. I came into AA in 1984, at a time when newcomers were essentially told to shut up and listen. That has changed in many groups, which can be a good thing.
But I would imagine everyone reaching out to you has been in your shoes. A.A. is, of itself, very different and to experience that while drying out can be diconcerting.
(If it helps, for the first five meetings or so I attended, I thought the Big Book was some sort of huge velvet book only brought out for special occasions. kind of like the chalice in a Catholic church or a Jewish torah scroll. Thank goodness I never told anyone.)
SBear

best

Hello Jenn

When at meetings...remember that those who are there have the same feelings or had the same feelings as you. You will open up with time as you start to see that fact a little more.

Good seeing you are finding healthy friends.

best

ummm You just told the world *LOL*

I guess you could say it is much like the Torah Scroll because it is filled with words of wisdom and lessons for life. I could see how such a thought could be founded. As it says in the Big Book.... or The Big Book says....
I like that thought you had.

CarolD

Glad to see you are doing so well Jenn
Congratulations!

My 1st home group was mostly singles
and we did what I think of as
"AA Dating"

We were all new to sobriety and shy and scared.
We hung out in a group..did not pair off.

And we had a blast! AA dances were a great
ice breaker..as were going to different groups.

Then we added movies..coffee afterwards...museums..
some went hiking..some of us enjoyed plays.

It's ok to be quiet... if that is your comfort zone.
Someone else will be talkative and needs a listener.

Have fun and enjoy your new life!

Tazman53

jbh I am very outgoing but sober or drunk I have never been one to make friends.... does that make sense? It is just the way things are for me and to be honest I am very happy, I have a ton of aquaintances, I get along with every one, just do not seem to have a nack for making friends.

Anyhow I will quit rambling totally about myself! One of those things that alcoholics like to do! LOL

What I have found is if I show up to the before the meeting meeting and hang around for the after the meeting meeting I always wind up chatting at length with someone. I try and show up about 1/2 hour before the meeting starts and don't leave until no one wants to BS or talk shop.

brians

Real good advise here. You are doing great Jenn.

leviathon

What I learned... accepted... was that I am really, at heart, a shy person. I have a gregarious persona that I put on when I am in public as I am a large man and stand out in a crowd so it is sort of expected. But at heart I am a quiet, shy and introverted person.

I learned to accept that about myself. Not a lotta friends, just some good close friends.

Peace, Levi

parentrecovers

hey jbh,

good job on recognizing that your old using friends are not helpful to your recovery. that is a huge accomplishment.

my daughter is in early recovery (about 120 days now) and she is "baby stepping" into new friendships. she's 22, so friends are pretty important. she does what was suggested above - gets to meetings early and stays late. she also runs things like this by her sponsor. she also spends more time with us now (my husband and i), so i like that!

good luck and congrats on your days in recovery. blessings, k

Jbh5058

Thanks everyone, I did run this by my sponser and she and you guys helped me alot. Baby steps!

Emimily

Jenn! Let's have a mad 80's AA dance party! I betcha I could borrow leggings from somewhere!

Anna

Hi Jenn,

I'm glad to hear that you're doing so well too!

What happened to me wasn't planned, but it was great. I realized when I stopped drinking, I need to get rid of all toxic people in my life. And, I did. And, surprisingly, the most super, wonderful people began coming into my life. It was an amazing thing to see!

Jbh5058

emimily,

haha I'll go buy 3 cans of hairspray for myself

Sportster

Tazman, I was reading your post and was happy to learn that I'm not the only one who is very outgoing, gets along well with all kinds of people, but has trouble making friends. In my case anyway I just never wanted the committments that close friendships require. I do envy people who can manage close friendships with a few people but have never allowed myself to be that giving.
I apologize for going off topic on this thread. Maybe we should start a "trouble with friendships" thread?
John

Emimily

Jenn,
I think I might throw Zach a birthday party at the roller rink! I think a bunch of AAs rollerskating would be amazing... add a little Whitesnake and some awesome 80's acid wash? Yes, triple yesss!!