Jen26

Hi Guys,
I'm back.... again....
Still trying to convince myself I don't have a problem, but I think my drinking is getting progressivly worse. I'm not drinking as often as I use to and can still have just one glass at home some nights, but other nights I get a self destructive streak and write myself off (usually after an emotional high or low). Twice now I have woken up after passing out on the couch at home- I always used to at least make it to bed!

Last night scared me and I hate myself for it. I actually gambled $1300 - basically my entire pay packet- and lost it all. I'd been drinking heavily. I'm not at work today because of a hangover too. I'm appalled by my behaviour- so appalled I actually felt like a drink this morning- something that has never happened before (I didn't have one). I can understand now why people would want to though- numb the pain of the night before.

I'm starting to realise that I have 'Addiction Issues':
Smoking- seriously an aweful habit!
Gambling - I don't do it often, but when I do it's destructive
Drinking - I was fine for a while, but things are going down hill again

I don't know which one to quit first! I think I can safely say that gambling is first on my list, but when do you really and adamently decide to stop drinking?

Thanks for reading,
Best Wishes,
Jen
(PS I'm 28yrs old and as my user name reflects, I joined when I was 26...... May have been thinking about this for a while

CarolD

I think if you had not been drinking..
you would not have lost so much money
and you would have not missed work.

So..what do you think you need to quit first?

You can get and stay sober...and it really is the
smartest way to live.

Take care...

leviathon

I am sorry to hear where you are at. That is horrible.

I found myself there too and I know how hard it can be to see clear of the "I can drink socially, really I can"... I CAN'T... I think I've finally learned that and I've even admitted it to my girl so that she is aware of where I am at. I am being honest about my issue to prevent it from blowing up in my face.

I'd have to agree with Carol. IF you had not been drinking would you have gambled away 1,300?

Levi

Kellye C

Which one should you give up first? To me, I would think the one that can kill you quickest which in this case would be alcohol. As has already been stated I am sure the alcohol fueled the faulty decisions on the gambling and the smoking, while harmful, can be addressed at a later point unless you just WANT to give them both up at the same time.

On the other hand, alcoholism is progressive as you are finding out. It is no respector of person and could care less if you are 28 or 88. In addition to the numerous health issues it can pose it also impairs your judgement and could lead you into very bad situations that are dangerous.

Yep, I think alcohol would have to be the first to go.

Hugs,
Kellye

MALFUNCTION

Hi and welcome back.



big book quote.


"We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better."

Jen26

Thanks guys, I appreciate your comments and know you're all right- alcohol is the major problem. I'll start today, I'll aim for two weeks off alcohol to start with and see how I go from there. I may even quit smoking tomorrow just to make myself really fun to be around

Funny thing is, I've been beating myself up about last night all day and I know it's not helping, but it's hard to stop. I am appalled. I've spent a couple of hundred dollars before, but never more than $500, it's come as a shock that I just can't trust myself after several drinks.

I've got to realise that there are consequences to every decision that I make.
I've also got to realise that nothing can change the things I've done, but I have the ability to choose what I'm going to do.

It's so easy to look back over the past couple of months and seeing how my view of alcohol has been shifting. I've started the alcohoic thinking again- planning for hangovers, looking forward to friday nights, not so I can go out and have a few quiet drinks with mates, but so I can drink myself daft. Wondering if alcohol will be involved with anything I do socially. Not being able to stop drinking after I've had two beers (one can be ok but I don't really enjoy it, but two=ten). I took three months off alcohol last year becasue I could see my focus shifting and it's doing it again. I actually think "will I be able to drink". I don't go places if I have to drive, as I know I won't be able to drink (I know "Just one" has never really worked for me).

As I mentioned above, I've had issues with alcohol in the past and while I'm aware it's a progressive illness, I never really felt that it was for me.

My social life could be very quiet over the next little while and I get bored easily and cover emotions with alcohol. How the heck am I going to do it?

Jen

c'est la vie

It's good to see that you're still trying to learn about your body's reaction to alcohol. I would be very careful though. It can be tricky and a very slippery slope.

earlybird

You will be amazed at how much easier the rest will become when you quit drinking. Drinking plays a huuuuge role in gambling. Do you honestly think you would have lost all that money if you werent bombed?