Crashing - not falling off the wagon.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Aurora, Colorado
Posts: 37
Crashing - not falling off the wagon.
I hope this is the right place to post this. I am coming off of a horrible night of crashing off the wagon and feel so lost, desperate and out of control. I have not fully participated in AA or any other programs as I have had the common thought that I can control my drinking and quit without having to group think my way out of it. I am stronger than all those 12 step people! I can do this all by myself!
Well obviously I can't as I continue to make terrible decisions regarding alcohol and the people I choose to surround myself with. I went out last night with a friend who I also think is an alcoholic and proceeded to drink I don't know how many beers and shots until I was in an angry drunken stupor. I started a violent confrontation with this friend and proceeded to tell him how much I dislike him and how he has let me down so many times. Yes he has been a less than stellar friend and has encouraged my bad drinking behavior over the years, but I think I was really projecting all my self anger at him like it was all his fault when clearly it isn't. It's MINE.
I did make it home safely, but woke up this morning with not only a horrible hangover but a feeling of despair I don't ever want to feel again. I guess maybe this is my bottom finally? Tonight I decided that while my method of getting drunk and yelling at my friend was not the best way to end a friendship that was harmful to me, it is probably a blessing as he is not going to be a healthy person to be around if I am going to committ to getting sober.
So tomorrow afternoon I am attending my first AA meeting and I am just hoping that I can do this. I just needed someone to listen, so thank you to anyone who reads this - just that is a big help to me right now.
Well obviously I can't as I continue to make terrible decisions regarding alcohol and the people I choose to surround myself with. I went out last night with a friend who I also think is an alcoholic and proceeded to drink I don't know how many beers and shots until I was in an angry drunken stupor. I started a violent confrontation with this friend and proceeded to tell him how much I dislike him and how he has let me down so many times. Yes he has been a less than stellar friend and has encouraged my bad drinking behavior over the years, but I think I was really projecting all my self anger at him like it was all his fault when clearly it isn't. It's MINE.
I did make it home safely, but woke up this morning with not only a horrible hangover but a feeling of despair I don't ever want to feel again. I guess maybe this is my bottom finally? Tonight I decided that while my method of getting drunk and yelling at my friend was not the best way to end a friendship that was harmful to me, it is probably a blessing as he is not going to be a healthy person to be around if I am going to committ to getting sober.
So tomorrow afternoon I am attending my first AA meeting and I am just hoping that I can do this. I just needed someone to listen, so thank you to anyone who reads this - just that is a big help to me right now.
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Gainesville, Fla.
Posts: 1
The first meeing is the most important one. I have also had a hard time realizing that I have a problem. Admitting it to yourself is very hard, and it's the first step in the right direction. Take everything is one day at a time. I have recently just come clean (and by recently, I mean within the last 12 hours), and the withdrawals are going to be the hard part for me. And I'm serious about it this time. I'm not going to relapse. I want my life back. I want to be happy, naturally.
But that first meeting will change you, because it changed me...even though I drifted away after a while. Some advice: After the first meeting, the best thing to do is to keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Go to as many meetings as you possibly can go to. The one thing they will tell you is that one way to stay on the right path is to KEEP COMING back. One day at a time. One meeting at a time. Good luck and keep going.
-EerFrof
But that first meeting will change you, because it changed me...even though I drifted away after a while. Some advice: After the first meeting, the best thing to do is to keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Go to as many meetings as you possibly can go to. The one thing they will tell you is that one way to stay on the right path is to KEEP COMING back. One day at a time. One meeting at a time. Good luck and keep going.
-EerFrof
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Congratulations on looking for a better life!
I think of my AA meetings as classsrooms for sobriety.
The more you go..the quicker you learn.
Keep in focus..you too can recover!!
I think of my AA meetings as classsrooms for sobriety.
The more you go..the quicker you learn.
Keep in focus..you too can recover!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Plymouth, MN
Posts: 960
You have a great attitude about moving forward. You never have to feel this way again. It's your choice. I also wanted to do it on my own for so long and I've found that there is a lot of strength in AA. It has helped me build sober friendships and the more I invest in other sober people, the less likely I am to pick up. I have found some great "role models". Sobriety doesn't have to be a bummer. It can be fun. If you don't like your first AA meeting, try another. They all have a different "feel". Let us know how it goes!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Aurora, Colorado
Posts: 37
Originally Posted by michski
congrats on your decisions.. how you doing? 
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