I just left my AH...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Spartanburg, SC
Posts: 1
I just left my AH...
This is my first post so I don't really know what I'm doing yet. I'll start by saying that I have been married for 10 years - we married very young. Over the years, my husbands drinking has continued to get worse - he blames it on the fact that we found out 8 years ago that we won't be able to have children. That's been very difficult for both of us but he feels that he needs to drink to forget about it. He always feels that he needs to drink if he has a bad day or if football is on or if it's the weekend...always an excuse to drink.
About 3 or 4 weeks ago, I told him that I wouldn't go out with him anymore if he was going to be drinking. Of course, he didn't like this but I'v been able to stand firm. Last night, he decided he wanted to know why I'm doing this to him (keep in mind that he still drinks at home)...I told him that he's a different person when he's drinking and I just can't stand to be around that anymore and that I would really like him to start going to AA. He refused and and said that he wouldn't even consider that. I told him that he needed to choose me or the beer...he chose beer and watched me walk out the door.
Today, he says that he thought about it...he agrees that he has a problem and he doesn't want to lose me. He now says that he will try to quit but he can't do alone and wants me to come back home. I originally had decided that I would stay gone until he was sober for 1 month...he says that if I come back home, he'll quit and if he's mean to me or if he starts drinking again then I can leave again and he won't blame me at all. He says that I just need to give him this chance and be there for him.
What do you think? Should I go right back and trust that he will really quit? He says that he won't even try to quit if I don't come back...
My laptop battery is dying and I don't have a spare with me so I may not be back online today.
About 3 or 4 weeks ago, I told him that I wouldn't go out with him anymore if he was going to be drinking. Of course, he didn't like this but I'v been able to stand firm. Last night, he decided he wanted to know why I'm doing this to him (keep in mind that he still drinks at home)...I told him that he's a different person when he's drinking and I just can't stand to be around that anymore and that I would really like him to start going to AA. He refused and and said that he wouldn't even consider that. I told him that he needed to choose me or the beer...he chose beer and watched me walk out the door.
Today, he says that he thought about it...he agrees that he has a problem and he doesn't want to lose me. He now says that he will try to quit but he can't do alone and wants me to come back home. I originally had decided that I would stay gone until he was sober for 1 month...he says that if I come back home, he'll quit and if he's mean to me or if he starts drinking again then I can leave again and he won't blame me at all. He says that I just need to give him this chance and be there for him.
What do you think? Should I go right back and trust that he will really quit? He says that he won't even try to quit if I don't come back...
My laptop battery is dying and I don't have a spare with me so I may not be back online today.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Hi there, sweetie and welcome to SR.
We have a forum specifically for friends and families of alcoholics http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
Please come and join us there - perhaps copy and paste this into a new thread?
See you over there.
M
xxx
We have a forum specifically for friends and families of alcoholics http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
Please come and join us there - perhaps copy and paste this into a new thread?
See you over there.
M
xxx
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
Hello Looking4,
Welcome to SR
I'm in recovery from booze/drugs and I couldn't stop drinking until my husband said "enough" and left. He returned when I promised to choose him over the bottle and that was almost 5 years ago. If your husband has said the same old same old to you numerous times and each time you've returned, I'd say leave him to it and let him get sober by himself. But if it's the first time.. and you really want to continue with the marraige.. I'd stick around and stick to your guns! Then I'd get myself into alanon where you can get the advice of others who have walked in your mocassins!!
Welcome to SR
I'm in recovery from booze/drugs and I couldn't stop drinking until my husband said "enough" and left. He returned when I promised to choose him over the bottle and that was almost 5 years ago. If your husband has said the same old same old to you numerous times and each time you've returned, I'd say leave him to it and let him get sober by himself. But if it's the first time.. and you really want to continue with the marraige.. I'd stick around and stick to your guns! Then I'd get myself into alanon where you can get the advice of others who have walked in your mocassins!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: windsor, ontario, canada
Posts: 201
Hi Looking4.
Welcome to SR.
Like Michski said, if this is something that has happened before, stick to your promise and dont go back right away. If this is a first time thing, be there to support him, but be prepared that this may be an ongoing battle. Alcoholism is not any easy thing to overcome. If you love him, be there.
good luck,
mertyl
Welcome to SR.
Like Michski said, if this is something that has happened before, stick to your promise and dont go back right away. If this is a first time thing, be there to support him, but be prepared that this may be an ongoing battle. Alcoholism is not any easy thing to overcome. If you love him, be there.
good luck,
mertyl
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