Ghost Dog

The Big Book of AA describes alcoholism as a physical craving combined with a mental obsession. When abstaining from alcohol, an alcoholic will experience PAWS as mentioned earlier, which is described in AA as being restless, irritable and discontented, or being a "dry drunk". Depression (sometimes severe), anxiety and panic, agitation, a general feeling of "going crazy" and overall uncomfortableness isn't uncommon.

The mental obsession involves the obvious obsession to drink to quelch these feelings, but can be far more subtle and cunning as well, i.e. the Big Book relates to a man who relapsed after a few months of white knuckling when he suddenly had the idea to mix whiskey with his milk at lunch with the notion that the liquor wouldn't effect him on a full stomach & watered down with milk. Shortly prior to that, he had no thoughts of drinking whatsoever.

The physical craving occurs after the alcoholic succumbs to the obsession and takes a drink, making it next to impossible to stop. A "heavy drinker" will not experience this physical craving; hence, with discipline many problem drinkers can learn how to moderate. Alcoholics, however, cannot pull this off after the first drink is consumed for any given period of time and must completely abstain from alcohol. The mental obsession usually ensures that abstaining is impossible long-term though, and certainly makes abstaining a miserable ordeal in the meantime, that is, unless the condition is treated effectively.

That's how it's been explained to me, anyway . I've been sober in AA for a little over five months, and I'm absolutely alcoholic. I would recommend you abstain for a good while longer. After that, if you're still undecided, you could possibly try some "controlled drinking" by taking someone with you to a bar, have one (1) drink and quit immediately after that. Try that over the period of a month, maybe ten times on ten separate occasions (days). If you can pull it off, you're more likely a heavy drinker who can learn to moderate. If you can't, struggle with it a tremendous ordeal and/or end up going on a bender or two (or three), you're most likely alcoholic and therefore have a serious health condition.

leviathon

Well said Ghost, you've obviously given this quite some thought

Canary

Vesco,

I'm kind of the same boat as you. I've been drinking since I was 15 for the purpose of escaping reality. I've gone up to a year without it over the past twenty.

I finally decided 9 days ago that I am an alcoholic and MUST stop using. Drinking has turned my perception of reality into a fog. Over the past 4 years I've been drinking almost as heavily as you. And justifying to myself that I was okay- I had good reasons to drink.

I've read everything that I can get my hands on about recovery and alcoholism. It helped me to see the truth about myself. Sometimes, we need a kick in the rear to jump start the truth.

Don't quit exploring!! You may find the weight of the world lift off of your shoulders one day when you see who you are. No more hiding!! It hurts, but in a very good way.

Nine Days sober!!!!!
Canary

earlybird

Ya know what, vesco.......something Ive noticed about people thats funny is that when they hear something they agree with and LIKE to hear, they call it advice or information. When they DONT like what they hear, they call it "a lecture". I wasnt lecturing you. I asked some very valid questions which you still have yet to answer. I was genuine in my asking. You are acting exactly like someone who is in turmoil acts. Defensive. You dont want to be an alcoholic, but, you fear that you are. Your mind is fighting the very idea, still, though. So when someone else points it out, you get defensive. Classic alcoholic behavior.

Heres the quick test......
Has drinking alcohol hurt your life in any way?
If yes, ....do you still WANT to drink it even though it HAS hurt your life? If yes, then you are an alcoholic. Who else would want to subject themselves to the very thing that is destroying them than an alcoholic to their alcohol?

leviathon

Quite frankly earlybird, this is a rather simplistic test given the complexity of issues associated with alcohol. For instance, taken literally, anyone that has ever had a hangover, even those that are not alcoholic, then they would be alcoholic in your opinion b/c they hurt from drinking too much and then may have had a few beers with friends later on that year ... many people over indulge at some point and regret the hangover and then go and drink later that year, but aren't alcoholics. While I can see the point you are making, IMO this is far too simplistic.

My dependence on alcohol was not strictly something that was resolved by asking and determining whether or not I was an alcoholic. Rather, I had to look at what was causing me to drink and that led me to seek solutions that included exploring AA (though not an active member), Smart, counselling, medication (anti depressants and anta abuse - at least initially b/c I couldn't stop on my own), restoring healthy hobbies to my life, etc.

In terms of you Vesco, I do have to agree with earlybird that I have often reacted negatively to ideas and opinions from others when I did not want to face the truth. That is a classic symptom of denial, whether it be denial of an addiction, responsibility, etc. Once I face up to my denial and acknowledge the problem, I am pretty open to any ideas on the topic.

For me, the bottom line is that if alcohol is causing me problems and I think I have a problem, I likely do. As one AAer put it to me a long time ago... "So, you aren't sure if you are an alcoholic even though you are here at an AA meeting and debating quitting drinking, well let me rephrase the question for you: if a house burns down in your neighbourhood, do you ask the firemen at the scene if you are an arsonist?"

As simple as this analogy is, it really struck home with me. I know if a fire burns a house down on my street I wouldn't even think about whether or not I was an arsonist because I am not... I know that for a fact because the house across the street from me did burn down this past year. When my use of alcohol was out of control and causing me huge problems in my life, I did ask whether or not I was an alcoholic; and, the answer for me anyways is that I definitely have alcoholic tendancies... fortunatley I caught it early and didn't completely destroy my life, but the reality is that one drink or ten thousand drinks the problem is still the same, one is too many and ten thousand will never be enough.

Peace, Levi

nogard

Many valid points here. In the end thouigh easiest way for vesco and anyone looking for advice is to keep coming back and over a period of time they can answer there own questions.

Kevin (aka coolveryolddude)