aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

Do you ever go back in time to revisit your childhood memories?

We all were babies once in our lives. Then we grew into little children. Teenagers. And now adults.

Do you think back on those special times in ur lives that u wish u could recapture again? Playing with ur Lego's, little army men, tinker toys, jack in the box? Maybe Barbie dolls, Ken, G I Joe? Phonographs, hola hoops, hop scotch? Roller skates? Wheelies on ur bike?

How about holidays? A special Birthday party with neighborhood kids? Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July?

I dont know if its just me or i have to much time on my hands to think about every inch of my parents house. The house i grew up in. I can go inch by inch inside and outside and tell u everything that is there. Can u?

Maybe because i had to clean the house beginning at a young age and every inch had to be PERFECT. EMMACULATE. Then when i was ordered outside i began to do yard work...MANICURING the yard, lawn to PERFECTION that NO ONE else every did.

I remember things at school as a child..... the steps i use to play on and entertain the littler kids on. I remember the streets i grew up on....the bike rides to the store to get groceries and pack them into the huge wire basket on the front.

Bike rides with my family on top the Levy riding ina single file like the Van Trapp family on the Sound of Music.

I could go on and on but will leave it here for now.

Thanks for letting me share some of my childhood memories with u.

BeerNut

All the time. Deep down I'm still that little kid - I bet a lot of us are. Often times I look at my life and I look at what my hopes and dreams were as a little kid and I wonder "how did I get here?" - sounds like a "Talking Heads" song, but it's true.

I lived way up in the mountains in Washington State and skied every winter and hiked every summer. I came back to Texas where I was born after high school because once I was no longer a child I learned that skiing and hiking doesn't put food on the table and gas in the car.

I joined the Army and went to Germany for 4 years - a great 4 years. Went to East Germany before the fall of the Berlin Wall and travelled the entire European continent several times over.

Got back to the US and settled into a life that you're supposed to lead. Got married, had a child, worked a 9 to 5 job. Was miserable. Got drunk, got divorced, got drunk some more...

I was reading an article recently that realy opened my eyes. It said that life lasts 1000 months on average. With that in mind, 12 months seems like a really big chunk to throw around eg "I'll try this for a year". I did a quick calculation and I've burned up more than half of my 1000 months.

I've decided to use the rest of my months for something other than getting face down in the gutter. By the way, this month is almost half over...

Smyle

I am lucky enough to get to relive my childhood through my kids now...

I had a very traumatic childhood but with therapy etc...i am finally able to let some things go.....

I LOVE playing with my kids....cars with my son or barbies with my daughter...exploring outside....just whatever....


she just accomplished tying her shoes and watching her face light up after she did it by herself was priceless.....she's been tying them all day it is cute.

I plan on passing on some of my childhood memories to them but very few....i am looking forward to making new ones with them...those I will treasure always.


I enjoy hearing about others and how they were raised....what they did...what they remember....so i am really looking forward to hearing all the stories ....

you always have great threads Sharon.....

~B

michski

Those are some serious adult thoughts!! I'm also dedicated to having the best day possible every day, learning to go with plan b or c, seeing my cup half full instead of half empty and NOT getting irritated at my husband just because I can! Thinking positive is not difficult, it only takes willingness.
Thanks for the 1000 month information! Having lost a few friends and a husband every day I wake up not dead is a good one!

Kellye C

I didn't like my childhood very much and can honestly say I have no desire to relive it. I do like today and am content to make the very best of it that I can and to enjoy my kids, my baby niece and any future grandkids!!!!

Hugs,
Kellye

TexasDawn

Interesting topic!

I went through a phase of collecting Barbie dolls and Dawn dolls (shorter Barbie-type dolls); I think I was revisiting my childhood! It was a lot of fun!

I also started taking karate classes about 6 years ago. I always wished that I would had stayed with martial arts as a kid and gone on to get my black belt but I had quit pretty early on (and started smoking cigs and drinking, etc). But when I got older and had kids myself, I decided that it's never too late to fulfill some of our dreams! So I went on to fulfill that dream of getting my black belt while my son was getting his, plus I have dabbled in some other martial arts. It's a big part of my life now that I really enjoy.

Sometimes I think that I have never really left my childhood! LOL

But we are all children of God so that's okay!

Live

I had a good childhood, but I guess I take it for granted. Mainly I am a big kid now....with children raised I am being a kid my way and loving it! Still rebellious I guess....I stay up past 9, no one tells on me when I play hookie, you know all that ornery stuff. LOL

Live

oh and I don't have to keep my room clean!

aasharon90

Some good post all above me. : ) I do enjoy reading them as i hope others do to.

My childhood wasnt always very nice. I had many dark memories from there that I don't like to think about. And when i do its only because i either see a Lifetime movie or a Betty Davis Movie, or a hmmmm ive gone blank here....the movie where she says, "NO More Wire Hangers" There were so many movies back when that i could relate to because all the actresses potrait my mom and the way she abused me. Even the wicked step mother in Cinderella. I use to watch those kinds of movies late at night with my mom while the rest of the family was asleep wanting to say something like..."Dont you see that this is how you treat me?" also when i hear on the news of a child being chained to a bed or placed in a cage for days, months with little to no food. The infant that dies at the hands of .....i dont even want to say it....from being shakin or thrown.....there r times when i hear this that i pray that if i could take away the apin of all the little ones in the world for a moment or a night...just so they can be at peace..no pain....just let me endure their pain instead of them.

Anyway.....there are also moments in my childhood that i revisit because they give me a good feeling. For instance...i recall soooo vividly this COLD CRISP WINTER MORNING when i walked outside to only look up to the MOST BEAUTIFUL BLUEST OF BLUE SKIES I CAN EVER RECALL. I remember that moment as if it were yesterday. If i had a moment to sit here with colored pencils and onion paper i could draw that scene for you. All the trees, the snow on the roof tops....which is VERY RARE in Baton Rouge, La. lol

Or the footsteps i took to and from school or church. the back ways...

You know, it absolutely astounds me that I never picked up drinking to numb the pain i went thru as a child. Maybe i could have gotten the courage at an earlier age to stand up for myself. Hmmmm just a thought.

Im sure other childhood memories will come too in a few minutes so until then ill let someone else share.

best

Many happy memories and a few not so happy memories.

As I reflect on such things as being the main person to rake the yard or cut the grass or need be at my Dad's side when he did repairs around the house...
Why always me? There are 11 children, why always me?

Well, as I look back over my own behavior, I see why it was always me.
Idle hands are the devil's tools and I sure did have a red suit on for many of my younger years. Many times, my parents just didn't know what to do with me...So they kept me busy to keep me out of trouble.
What I gained from their lessons... I know how to repair many things. I have many happy memories of working along side my Dad... and I feel they may have kept me safe from myself. I did many foolish stunts as a boy. I have no idea how I ever grew up without broken bones.

My mother always said... You will have children just like yourself.
Well, God blessed me with 4 children that never came close to my antics.

My older sister said that my children would never be able to reach such a degree as I did, because I did it all and will know if they start such before they even start such. *LOL*

Kellye C

I remember the movie you're talking about. I thought at first it was poor little rich girl but that's Gloria Vanderbilt's life story and I don't think this was it. Crap, now that's going to bug me!

I saw a movie today that gave me a TOTAL meltdown. It is old but I had never seen it. "Pay it Forward". It's about alcoholic and abusive parents and has a good message............................ until the kid is murdered in the end. I totally didn't see that coming and just fell apart.

I wasn't physically abused by my parents as a child. My main things were the fact that I was very large, so made fun of constantly and never felt a part of and the fact that my dad left at an early age and we have never had anything CLOSE to a normal relationship. I have come to realize that these are at the roots of a lot of negative patterns I have practiced (mainly in relationships and in people pleasing) but I can't blame my drinking on it as I didn't start drinking alcholically til much later on.

My mom was and always has been my rock and I hers. If it weren't for her I doubt that I would be sober today and I might not even be alive.

I do have some happier memories but basically I was an adult in a kids body and didn't experience the things that most kids did.

I'm not bitter about it and have accepted that what happened is in the past and today is what I have to focus on. I'm "normal" sized today and have way more fun at 40 than I ever did as a kid! Especially since getting sober as I have finally found a group that is as crazy as I am!!!!!

Hugs,
Kellye

rose petals

hi sharon
my childhood was ok--man i know others who had it much worse--my dad died of caner when i was 14--i think of our memories together--he was awesome--funloving--we went to the beach and played find the most vw buses while we were driving--myfavorite car to this day--iw wish he could see his grandkidsand stuff--its ok-- accept the the things you cant change--thanks for listeing!!!
Laura

best

Oh what a nice memory you brought back. Bugs were worth one and the bus was worth two *LOL*

When my own were little (3 boys one girl) the boys thought it would be nice to play...who can find the most road kill *LOL*

GreenTea

Growing up, I was despised in my own household. I only think back to those times when the depression hits me.

If I had a time machine, I would go back to about the time I turned four, kidnap myself, and try to raise myself properly.

BigSis

The cool thing about my childhood is that I get to view it threw the lense of an adult. I can pick out only the good times and cut short those days that ended weirdly or off-kilter, and just hang on to the Kool-aid commercial part.

I can see with my perspective now that some events were intentionally evil, but others were absolutely accidental, and review those events again in THAT light.

I can try to see what the heck the adults in my life were trying to do and hang on to some of the fuzzy memories of just 'regular' days.... the ones without the drama.

Like this really cool memory I have of the way the air smelled down by the river during the summer... wet and heavy and quiet. The sound of the rapids just round the next bend and creaking and cracking the maple trees made when the birds flicked around and about above. I can still feel the tupperware bowl that I stuck under my shirt poking me in the back while the 'little' kids and I made our way to a flat spot by the pasture to have a picnic that was mostly just pbjs and koolaid.

No adults, nothing scary, just three kids with an imagination and an empty afternoon...





((((AAsharon))))) Thanks for the reminder.

leviathon

I do sometimes voluntarily and sometimes involuntarily... the trick I find is to remember that there is both good and bad in my memories... For a while I focussed way too much on the bad and began getting into a victim mindset.

I am not a victim. My parents made mistakes. Those mistakes have made life a bit harder. Reality is that I have to deal with my life and be responsible for me.

For every bad there is a good... I must seek to balance them.

Peace, Levi

Sobriety1st

I wish it wasn't so difficult for me to revisit my childhood..I am hoping when i am in a place in my recovery that i feel comfortable to sort out my growing up, i can let go of all the bad feelings and hold on to the good ones..i remember the last time i tried looking into the past, i ended up drinking, i don't know if that was the trigger or not, but i do know that i am not ready to begin looking back just yet..there are some years that i can't remember at all..and i can only wonder as to what happened in those years..but on the other hand, i had some happy memories, few, but i am fortunate that i do have those few to hold onto..

NEEDTOBESOBER

I have some good and bad memories, my father was a very controlling, bad-tempered and could be violent at times, i remembering being hit for stupid things and my mother also, which I had a big problem with him for a long time, but he also had his good side and had good memories as a child. Good memories - We would do things as a family I remember when I was real young such as going to Astroworld every summer along with the beach every ssummer and also we would go on vacations to our relatives who lived in Nebraska and Kansas and one vacation to California where we stopped in Las Vegas along the way , my aunt and uncle lived in california and we went to long Beach and to the amusement park there, i forgot the name of it- Disneyland I think, also remember the fun childhood things in the neighborhood such as playing basketball, football, baseball, riding our bikes, jumping off ramps, playing with dolls, hopscotch and then I was in organized sports also , basketball-my favorite, softball and summer swim team and remembering some of my childhood friends who I grew up with, the house I lived in which my parents still live there so whenever I visit I think of all the good things most of the time especially driving down there street, also had a dog that me and my sister played with and I remember the dreams I had back then and would talk to my friends in the neighborhood about and we would share each others dreams of what we wanted to do when we grew up and now I think What Happened? Noone as a child dreams of becoming an alcoholic or drug addict.

aasharon90

I was trying to recall old movies i use to watch when i was young and still today that were similiar to my own life experiences.

Susan Hayward Movies as she portraits Alcoholics and Joan Crawford Movies, one in particular called Mommie Dearest. That one was very similar to my mom and I sad to say. So sad. But true.

Thanks you guys for reaching back into ur childhood memories. I know some are not pleasant and yet some are very delightful.

I wasnt sure if others experienced having childhood memories like i do. Im not sure if it's because i miss being back home in Louisiana, Baton Rouge or if it is an age thing.

I think as we get older we eventually revert back to children and some like infants.....meaning...that when we get to that point in our lives where we have to have family members to rely on to help us because we can no longer help ourselves....God forbid I ever get there or to that point where i cant help myself....hmmmm...i can bearly ask for help now...wonder what is it will be like if i hit 90 or 100.....lol Ok sonny....i can do it myself.....and fall out on the floor.... lol Maybe im a child that has not grown up yet or doesnt want to. Maybe my childhood was simplier back then then what it is today. Even tho abusive.

Anyway....I left home when i was 18 yrs old, moved into my own apt and so on. I never looked back and as far as my parents....i had to have permission to come visit and so i couldnt deal with that. Sooo different here with my own 2 college kids....the door is always open if they need to come home....i dont encourage staying forever as i feel once u reach a certtain age u should leave ur parents to live on ur own. To make a life of ur own.

I still miss my parents home mainly because my dad had it build way back when when things were solid and secure. My dad always kept us secure and protected. He built the house up high so if it flooded we would be up high. then he had the windows built high, non like they r today..near the ground so people could break in easily. Just a wonderful place id like to return to. I guess i miss it because the 2 homes weve lived in never matched the quality of what i was raised in myself.

Anyway...im just rambling.

I still recall penny candy and snowballs at my Uncles store down the road from us. Today i work in a supermarket and wonder why i never had an interest in working at his grocery store when i was young....hmmmmm

Yummmmy...coconut flavored snowballs. What was ur favorite flavor?

Penny candy....can't get that anymore today....i could fill a little paper bag full of peeny candy for 25 cents....sooooo cool.... : )

hector

Childhood memories..... yeah.....

Good ones? There was a band parade every summer on the third Saturday in May down Main Street. It started at 1:00 PM. We'd watch the Legion colour party and the first band come down the hill about five blocks away, then as they got closer, hear the wonderful old-style big band marching music. This was not your average parade. It was part of a week-long international band festival. The last band went by the grandstand about 4:30 PM. There were well over 100 bands, all types, all sizes. Pipe bands, drum and bugle corps, military and cadet bands, high school bands. Fancy uniforms. Wonderful music. Shriners Club clowns. Cotton candy. Candied apples. All afternoon long. I still get goosebumps when I hear Scotland the Brave on the pipes and drums. The festival folded in the mid-90's. The parades I'm talking about happened in the late '60's. It was only one day a year, but it was pure magic.
The fair was fun too. Also, there was an air force base near town, and an air show almost every summer.

Bad ones? If a social worker from the '90's had visited my family home in 1962, all five children would have been placed in foster care and both parents would have been charged with physical and emotional abuse. 'Nuff said.