Class of March 2022 Support thread pt 3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Hello Zura and anyone else who still checks this group.
I am not doing well. I can't seem to get to even a day 1 since my relapse after almost 3 months. My mood is very, very low, and has been for more than a week since I tapered Ativan further. The last week has been horrible. Don't drink for one day, then drink the next. I just have no hope. I am very depressed and lonely and see no hope for the future. I had 4 years and was in hospital so many times for serious depression, and that was with seeing an addiction therapist, my psychiatrist, and being on a multitude of medications. I just feel life has no point for me, my soul died when my husband died. I've tried so many things, theatre, classes, volunteering, outdoors stuff, and all I do is yearn for what can never be again. So, I drink, because for ever so brief a time, I don't have to think. I am not a people person, and it's so difficult for me to interact with people. I can't make new friends. I've tried, sincerely. All I get are old geezers wanting to date me. It's so upsetting.
Anyway, for the sake of my health, I am going to try yet again. I will not go to AA, it was a horrible experience for me to be shamed as I was.
I don't think anyone has the answer. Either I do it, or I don't. The problem is that I don't know if being in recovery really makes any difference to my life. 4 years, and I was just as miserable, and that was with trying new things. Family support is non existent. I go for 2 weeks or more sometimes, not having a soul to talk to. It's crushing.
Today is day 2.
I am not doing well. I can't seem to get to even a day 1 since my relapse after almost 3 months. My mood is very, very low, and has been for more than a week since I tapered Ativan further. The last week has been horrible. Don't drink for one day, then drink the next. I just have no hope. I am very depressed and lonely and see no hope for the future. I had 4 years and was in hospital so many times for serious depression, and that was with seeing an addiction therapist, my psychiatrist, and being on a multitude of medications. I just feel life has no point for me, my soul died when my husband died. I've tried so many things, theatre, classes, volunteering, outdoors stuff, and all I do is yearn for what can never be again. So, I drink, because for ever so brief a time, I don't have to think. I am not a people person, and it's so difficult for me to interact with people. I can't make new friends. I've tried, sincerely. All I get are old geezers wanting to date me. It's so upsetting.
Anyway, for the sake of my health, I am going to try yet again. I will not go to AA, it was a horrible experience for me to be shamed as I was.
I don't think anyone has the answer. Either I do it, or I don't. The problem is that I don't know if being in recovery really makes any difference to my life. 4 years, and I was just as miserable, and that was with trying new things. Family support is non existent. I go for 2 weeks or more sometimes, not having a soul to talk to. It's crushing.
Today is day 2.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,509
I am not going to pretend that I understand what you have been through love, but I care. A lot. 
s
And we are friends....we can take that into real life if you want to. I know I would like that very much. xx
I am glad that despite everything, you are not giving up. I believe in you. ❤️
sAnd we are friends....we can take that into real life if you want to. I know I would like that very much. xx
I am glad that despite everything, you are not giving up. I believe in you.
❤️
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Like everyone else Leshar I am with you every step of the way 
I hope the taper will level things out soon, and even tho I know you know I’m bound to tell you drinking will not help the emotional upheaval of that taper.
as for not making a difference, I see a world of difference between sober Leshar and drinking Leshar. I believe you could see it too if you wanted to look back through past posts
the real non drinking Leshar is kind and funny, helping others. She is resilient and courageous and has faith in the future and the path she’s in, even tho there are hard days.
I really hope you will decide to get back to being the real you. Drinking comes at such a cost for such transitory and ephemeral oblivion.
I hope the taper will level things out soon, and even tho I know you know I’m bound to tell you drinking will not help the emotional upheaval of that taper.
as for not making a difference, I see a world of difference between sober Leshar and drinking Leshar. I believe you could see it too if you wanted to look back through past posts
the real non drinking Leshar is kind and funny, helping others. She is resilient and courageous and has faith in the future and the path she’s in, even tho there are hard days.
I really hope you will decide to get back to being the real you. Drinking comes at such a cost for such transitory and ephemeral oblivion.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,997
Thanks, everyone, for your kindness and support. I'm really struggling. Can't even get a day 1. Would someone please post the link to urge surfing? I looked it up but got the most recent thread which was helpful but I think there's a more comprehensive post.
I feel so alone, even though I went on a walk with the group. One woman has no boundaries and talked about her history of being suicidal, and about all her medical problems. I'm quiet and listen but it kills me and I don't want to hear this stuff when I just want to appreciate nature. I drank after this. I threw in the towel. So unhelpful to my own mental health. Binge eating off the charts too. I gained 6lbs in a week.
I feel so alone, even though I went on a walk with the group. One woman has no boundaries and talked about her history of being suicidal, and about all her medical problems. I'm quiet and listen but it kills me and I don't want to hear this stuff when I just want to appreciate nature. I drank after this. I threw in the towel. So unhelpful to my own mental health. Binge eating off the charts too. I gained 6lbs in a week.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 2,698
Hi Leshar
Im sure Dee will be along shortly with the link, he's good like that ☺️.
I'm sorry your struggling to get a day 1, we can mostly all relate to that I think and know it's not a good place to be. But I can hear how much you want to heal and in time if you keep trying and don't give up, it will happen. I'm so glad your still here and still trying.
Im sure Dee will be along shortly with the link, he's good like that ☺️.
I'm sorry your struggling to get a day 1, we can mostly all relate to that I think and know it's not a good place to be. But I can hear how much you want to heal and in time if you keep trying and don't give up, it will happen. I'm so glad your still here and still trying.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi Leshar
You’ll find the Urge Surfing links and a lot of other things here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)
I’m sorry about the woman. She probably wants support, but Leshar it’s not always your responsibility to be the caregiver.
I had to learn that.
Sometimes it’s ok to say no.
I had to learn that too, which was incredibly difficult as a people pleaser and someone geared to ‘being of help’.
Its not selfish, its nurturing. It’s survival.
Look after yourself Leshar
D
You’ll find the Urge Surfing links and a lot of other things here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)
I’m sorry about the woman. She probably wants support, but Leshar it’s not always your responsibility to be the caregiver.
I had to learn that.
Sometimes it’s ok to say no.
I had to learn that too, which was incredibly difficult as a people pleaser and someone geared to ‘being of help’.
Its not selfish, its nurturing. It’s survival.
Look after yourself Leshar
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
