24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 537
xx Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Thanks Suze, Willow and Dustyfox - that’s a great name btw. I try to think of everything now as a teachable moment because what I’m learning is that I have certain default ways of thinking when life is tough and it’s useful focussing in on these unhelpful thought processes when they arise. Because, honestly - most the time these days I’m really happy and rational and not at all unpredictable and bonkers. But when life is tough - that’s when I default back to my old ways of thinking and it’s fascinating how quickly I can revert back to how I used to think. It’s scary, actually. So, having Covid and being quite ill with Covid has left me thinking that no one cares, I’m a useless mother (because it’s half term and I feel too poorly to do much other than watch movies with the kids), no one cares, I’m unlikeable and useless and pathetic and weak and oh yeah, no one cares - did I mention that? And I’m thinking these things and really believing these things even though ALL the evidence points to the contrary. My phone hasn’t stopped ringing with people asking how we are and offering to drop food/medication round to the front door but my self pity doesn’t care about that. My self pity wants to pretend that no one cares even though loads of people clearly care!! Why do I think like this? It’s so counter productive. It makes me feel sad and lonely and it isn’t based in any truth but I act like it is true!! It’s crazy. I mope around, feeling sorry for myself, telling myself that no one cares even though the rational part of my brain knows it isn’t true. It’s almost as though when I’m ill or when life is tough, the rational part of my brain gets overrun by the fantasist part of my brain that makes stuff up, keeps me disconnected from others - drowning in self pity. It’s important to identify this part of my brain because that’s where my AV lives. So, I’m trying my best to call out this part of my brain - in a nice way - there’s no need to be mean to myself but I do need to keep things real. People do care, I’m not a useless mother - it’s ok to watch movies with the kids when we’ve all got Covid, I’m not unlikeable or weak or pathetic - I’m just a regular human who is having a temporary tough time but I will get through this. As long as I keep challenging the unhelpful thought processes because honestly, I think the stories I tell myself are far more dangerous to me than the virus. Why are we humans so complex? Sometimes I look at my labradors and wish I could be more like them. They’re always so happy - even the one that had to have his hip removed. They just live in the moment, make the best of each day and don’t worry about what anyone thinks about them. I’m going to try to be more like a Labrador from now on - or at least until I feel normal again. Maybe even after I feel normal again. Maybe I should try to make living in the moment and not worrying about what other people think about me - maybe I should try to make that my new normal. See - teachable moments xxx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,535
I think that when you are really ill and having to look after your whole family who are ill, eventually you feel like no one cares no matter what they say.
It must make you bonkers dealing with all of this.
s
We care big time dearest kent. And I wish we could send you a fairy godmother to come help. xx ❤️❤️
It must make you bonkers dealing with all of this.
sWe care big time dearest kent. And I wish we could send you a fairy godmother to come help. xx
❤️❤️
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,535
Originally Posted by kenton 
And so sorry to miss your 7th sober milestone Suze!! That’s a tremendous achievement. So happy for you. Thank you for everything you do for us all xxxxx
I need this thread and all of you very much.
❤️And thank you xxxxxx
Reality...what a concept!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 1,232
It’s been a minute
It’s been many 24 hours since I checked in. Happy to see familiar handles and trying to catch up 🤗
For whatever reason, I let the pandemic change my sobriety plan. At first I logged into the AA virtual meetings and still dropped in here, but eventually was doing none of it. The more I ponder it, I realize it was my type A, impatient personality rearing it’s ugly head. There were many people having to adapt to technology who somehow managed to avoid it until they were forced to use it. A better person would have embraced the opportunity to help and teach, but I quickly grew frustrated with muted mics and slow connections…it all became too much static, and I avoided virtual social interactions unless forced to join work meetings. Then by the time AA started meeting in person again, I tried going back but felt disconnected, like going back to your old school and feeling like you are just not that person anymore.
And then I slipped. Yep - just walked into a package store, purchased a box of wine, and proceeded to drink the entire box over a 24 hour period. I had convinced myself that I was no longer an alcoholic and would buy this box of wine and use it only for cooking or an occasional glass when I wanted to unwind. Yeah OK - that lasted a hot minute, and after the first glass I was determined to drink the entire contents. That was 3 days ago, and this is the first I am admitting it to anyone. My husband and daughter both suspected something was off with me and I have not told them that they were right. The last 24 hours have been brutal as my body was detoxing. The good news is this experience fiercely renewed my memories of pain, anxiety, and self hatred, and once again determined to not feel that way again.
Sorry to be so long winded and thank you for reading this much into it 🙏
Bottom line, I am grateful for every hour of the past 24 that I did not drink, and I am here asking for 24 more. Please and thank you ❤️
For whatever reason, I let the pandemic change my sobriety plan. At first I logged into the AA virtual meetings and still dropped in here, but eventually was doing none of it. The more I ponder it, I realize it was my type A, impatient personality rearing it’s ugly head. There were many people having to adapt to technology who somehow managed to avoid it until they were forced to use it. A better person would have embraced the opportunity to help and teach, but I quickly grew frustrated with muted mics and slow connections…it all became too much static, and I avoided virtual social interactions unless forced to join work meetings. Then by the time AA started meeting in person again, I tried going back but felt disconnected, like going back to your old school and feeling like you are just not that person anymore.
And then I slipped. Yep - just walked into a package store, purchased a box of wine, and proceeded to drink the entire box over a 24 hour period. I had convinced myself that I was no longer an alcoholic and would buy this box of wine and use it only for cooking or an occasional glass when I wanted to unwind. Yeah OK - that lasted a hot minute, and after the first glass I was determined to drink the entire contents. That was 3 days ago, and this is the first I am admitting it to anyone. My husband and daughter both suspected something was off with me and I have not told them that they were right. The last 24 hours have been brutal as my body was detoxing. The good news is this experience fiercely renewed my memories of pain, anxiety, and self hatred, and once again determined to not feel that way again.
Sorry to be so long winded and thank you for reading this much into it 🙏
Bottom line, I am grateful for every hour of the past 24 that I did not drink, and I am here asking for 24 more. Please and thank you ❤️
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