Originally Posted by Leshar

Hi all,

PJ, I think my friend is very low in self esteem. Her partner of 20 plus years is a difficult man, an alcoholic. He often belittles her. She is a low earning artist, and I think has stayed with him, essentially because she fears how she would thrive alone. They are not well off, but he does have a steady income from a small business.
The guy she is seeing is a musician, also in a 20 plus year relationship with a woman who has a good government job, with good benefits and I imagine he's loathe to leave this situation, even though he tells my friend that, like her, he is craving physical intimacy.
I don't know why I went off on her, my outburst surprised me and worries me.
I'm a kind person and I have supported my friend in the 9 years I've known her, through various upsets with her partner. I was very weary of it a few years ago, she was relying on me too much. Thankfully, she did begin to see a therapist, which took some pressure off me.
I don't know why I am so dogmatic about this affair. I told her the guy was a "jerk", that he took viagra on holiday hoping to screw around and wasn't she worried about getting an sti? She said they don't use condoms. She responded to my email apology, by telling me that she was sad I stormed off and that I'd made her paranoid about her lover, that he could be screwing around on her, and that she didn't want to be drawn into my paranoia and hatred of men.
So, guess we are at an impasse, and our friendship is seriously in jeopardy.
I don't feel like responding, what's the point? She showed no interest in hearing about my play reading. I told her this, in no uncertain terms. I'm not usually this blunt. Our friendship has certainly changed since I stopped drinking. She's never been supportive. Has often tired to get me to drink again.
She seduced this man whilst drunk, it's all so seedy.
Guess I'm rambling on.

Having a lazy day and reading "Brain on Fire" by Susannah Cahalan.
I'm pissed off that my friends and family only reach out when they want something of me. My sister especially. I need some support atm, but no, not a word. Have to stop myself from sending a nasty email to her. Posting here instead.
I've too much time to think. Don't know what to do, just one minute at a time, I guess.
I'm sorry we are all having difficult times, and I am grateful for the support here.
Love to all.

Originally Posted by Croissant

I didn't think your post was raving on, Leshar. Firstly, you have to get it out. I'm sorry your friends and family aren't a source of support and comfort for you. I feel thar too. Sometimes I wish others would be more perceptive about what's going on for others. I feel the world is just getting more and more that way. Less real, less close strong connections. Less efforr to reach out

Originally Posted by Leshar

Thanks, Leigh.

Originally Posted by Leshar

Thank you, Croissant, and PJ.
I am so glad that we all can connect here. It means the world to me, I'd be lost without all of you.
Just watched a double episode of my show, A Place to Call Home. Settled in and safe for another day. Thanks, everyone!

Originally Posted by Leshar

And PJ, you are the best person and a talented artist!

Originally Posted by Mags1

Leshar, I understand how you feel. Supporting a friend through thick and thin is one thing but if it hurts you morally, you don't have to and frankly shouldn't have to be involved.
Being sober, I think makes us more open, honest with ourselves.
I know I can hold my head up high nowadays, which is wonderful, whatever anyone thinks of me. There was a day, in the drinking days when I woke up and wondered what I'd said or done the day before! I had such shame inside but it didn't stop me from grabbing another drink. Thankfully those days are over.

So don't feel bad for your morals and feelings and speaking out!

Have a good bank holiday weekend, gosh it will soon be June! Where's the year gone?