One Year and Under Club Part 52
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
I'm sipping on my morning coffee and thinking about what everyone has said about relapse. Other alcoholics are wonderful support.
I think that alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful, and will stop at nothing to get an alcoholic to drink. Anytime I start to ponder why I drank, it has helped me to have the reality check that I drank because I was an alcoholic.
When I drank I thought it was because of what was happening in my life - stresses, challenges, disappointments, and successes too. I drank over all those things over the years!
My aunt's recent passing offered interesting perspectives into alcoholism. Many family members, including my dear aunt herself, are alcoholics/addicts and over the next few days they drank non stop. One of her nieces came to the wake super drunk; the next day at the funeral she had a cast covering her arm from a fall. A daughter was "bragging" that her husband was treating her well by giving her drinks from morning til night. A cousin was "honoring" my aunt by making the drink they always drank together. I prayed for them because when I was an active alcoholic my aunt's death would have been my reason to drink.
I am incredibly grateful that in recovery I see what a toxic way that is to muddle through a loss. Last week I sensed my aunt when something really funny happened. I could hear her giggle and imagine her warm smile. She liked to laugh and appreciated a well-timed joke!!
I've learned in recovery that I don't "need" to drink. What I need to do is take good care of myself mind body and soul.
I think that alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful, and will stop at nothing to get an alcoholic to drink. Anytime I start to ponder why I drank, it has helped me to have the reality check that I drank because I was an alcoholic.
When I drank I thought it was because of what was happening in my life - stresses, challenges, disappointments, and successes too. I drank over all those things over the years!
My aunt's recent passing offered interesting perspectives into alcoholism. Many family members, including my dear aunt herself, are alcoholics/addicts and over the next few days they drank non stop. One of her nieces came to the wake super drunk; the next day at the funeral she had a cast covering her arm from a fall. A daughter was "bragging" that her husband was treating her well by giving her drinks from morning til night. A cousin was "honoring" my aunt by making the drink they always drank together. I prayed for them because when I was an active alcoholic my aunt's death would have been my reason to drink.
I am incredibly grateful that in recovery I see what a toxic way that is to muddle through a loss. Last week I sensed my aunt when something really funny happened. I could hear her giggle and imagine her warm smile. She liked to laugh and appreciated a well-timed joke!!
I've learned in recovery that I don't "need" to drink. What I need to do is take good care of myself mind body and soul.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: the driftless zone
Posts: 1,017
Well, I just had a realization.
It's been a rough week and I've been a bit snippy (not proud of that).
*However*- the good side is that means I have the energy to be snippy.
I'm believe I'm coming out of a depressive episode. I can taste food again (on and off) and I can hear music again (on and off).
I was diagnosed with clinical depression many years ago after a particularly bad episode. Things were getting better.
Then a series of life events happened--I made the fateful decision to 'enhance' my meds--let the AV in---and several years passed...
(Sometimes I'd like to have a few choice words with that little AV putz, but I don't want to waste the headspace.)
Anyway, if I am indeed pulling out of this episode, it means that it was only, I figure, three months. And it wasn't severe.
Feeling grateful for that.
It's been a rough week and I've been a bit snippy (not proud of that).
*However*- the good side is that means I have the energy to be snippy.
I'm believe I'm coming out of a depressive episode. I can taste food again (on and off) and I can hear music again (on and off).
I was diagnosed with clinical depression many years ago after a particularly bad episode. Things were getting better.
Then a series of life events happened--I made the fateful decision to 'enhance' my meds--let the AV in---and several years passed...
(Sometimes I'd like to have a few choice words with that little AV putz, but I don't want to waste the headspace.)
Anyway, if I am indeed pulling out of this episode, it means that it was only, I figure, three months. And it wasn't severe.
Feeling grateful for that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 2,675
Thanks for your post gleefan, it's interesting to see active alcoholics/addicts in sobriety. Definitely not a healthy way to deal with a loss in the family.
tokidoki - Glad you're on the path to feeling better. Take care of yourself.
tokidoki - Glad you're on the path to feeling better. Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Morning Undies,
I just finished a batch of Coconut Milk Latte, or, coined CML by my Whole 30 peeps. It has become my morning staple for almost a year now. I french-press the coffee, add a third can coconut milk and Nutribullet this mixture. It is pure heaven!
Just thought I would offer a thought on "why I drank". I was 5 days into AA and talking with some guy trying to explain why I drank for some random UNIQUE reasons.
All of a sudden this dude walks past and says, "Do you want to know why you drink"? Yes, I answered...did this random chance evesdrop encounter dude actually have the answer to a question that had plagued me for decades? Years of therapy and still no definitive rationale to my insanity.
He said, "You drink because you are an alkie....that's what we alkies do - WE DRINK. So simple, yet it had such a profound effect on my early recovery.
I was finally able to stop blaming all OTHER people, places and things and accept full responsibility. No one but me and my disease were at fault. The paradox is that by right then and there, being able to accept full responsibility, I was set free of soooo many perceived resentments.
I wasn't a unique drunk at all - I was just following through with what my disease was plotting for me and all others with this affliction.
It is just one paradoxical thing after another in recovery that simply blows my mind. This post is an example...I need to give away my path of experience, strength and hope in order to keep it.
Interestingly, though, as my disease progressed, my "perceived" reasons for drinking mostly became darker with thoughts of need and killing pain. Early on in my alcoholism, my reasons were mostly focused on want, not need, and how that liquid offered fun.
Bottom line, though - I drank because I am an alkie. Simplicity in recovery is what I seek. KISS
I so enjoy reading this thread and all the support that it offers. Nice to see you, Amp, and that you are doing well.
My best to all - and, enjoy a beautiful, clean and sober Saturday!!
Carlos
I just finished a batch of Coconut Milk Latte, or, coined CML by my Whole 30 peeps. It has become my morning staple for almost a year now. I french-press the coffee, add a third can coconut milk and Nutribullet this mixture. It is pure heaven!
Just thought I would offer a thought on "why I drank". I was 5 days into AA and talking with some guy trying to explain why I drank for some random UNIQUE reasons.
All of a sudden this dude walks past and says, "Do you want to know why you drink"? Yes, I answered...did this random chance evesdrop encounter dude actually have the answer to a question that had plagued me for decades? Years of therapy and still no definitive rationale to my insanity.
He said, "You drink because you are an alkie....that's what we alkies do - WE DRINK. So simple, yet it had such a profound effect on my early recovery.
I was finally able to stop blaming all OTHER people, places and things and accept full responsibility. No one but me and my disease were at fault. The paradox is that by right then and there, being able to accept full responsibility, I was set free of soooo many perceived resentments.
I wasn't a unique drunk at all - I was just following through with what my disease was plotting for me and all others with this affliction.
It is just one paradoxical thing after another in recovery that simply blows my mind. This post is an example...I need to give away my path of experience, strength and hope in order to keep it.
Interestingly, though, as my disease progressed, my "perceived" reasons for drinking mostly became darker with thoughts of need and killing pain. Early on in my alcoholism, my reasons were mostly focused on want, not need, and how that liquid offered fun.
Bottom line, though - I drank because I am an alkie. Simplicity in recovery is what I seek. KISS
I so enjoy reading this thread and all the support that it offers. Nice to see you, Amp, and that you are doing well.
My best to all - and, enjoy a beautiful, clean and sober Saturday!!
Carlos
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Amp, I'm happy (not surprised) that you are doing well. Good for you for doing what you need to in order to stay that way. Anniversaries are happy times but are also a space where the AV can sneak in.
Tokidoki, it sounds like you are doing well!
Glee and Carlos, I always appreciate your posts.
Hi to all!
Tokidoki, it sounds like you are doing well!
Glee and Carlos, I always appreciate your posts.
Hi to all!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 2,675
Great post IWLSAST.
I always had excuses to carry on drinking - unhappy in my job, unhappy in my relationship, stressful life events, stressed about college, unhappy home life. I changed my entire life around while I was drinking so these weren't a factor anymore. But I was still drinking. It made me realise that I was drinking because I'm an alcoholic. Simple as that.
I always had excuses to carry on drinking - unhappy in my job, unhappy in my relationship, stressful life events, stressed about college, unhappy home life. I changed my entire life around while I was drinking so these weren't a factor anymore. But I was still drinking. It made me realise that I was drinking because I'm an alcoholic. Simple as that.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Originally Posted by knb02 
Great attitude Letitgo. I slipped on Thursday and I am still baffled why I want that stuff. But I was told it gets easier after three months. Although I am not sure because I relapse after five months a long time ago. Mind you that was a long time ago and I felt I coukd moderate back then.i know I definitely can't now
The closer I get to this "event" I have staged in my mind the more I notice that I really like being sober. I really like having clear thoughts and no hangovers. I'm hoping that as time passes I realize I really don't want or need to test myself at all.
Amp-I'm glad things are going so well!
Letitgo-you're making great choices!
The Long and Winding Road....
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Brisbane QLD
Posts: 897
Yes there were always many excuses to drink eg its a nice day, I feel sad,let's celebrate,I can have just one,blah blah blah...
My disease needs no help from me feeding it.
So I come here and commit for another day,gain strength from you my fellow warriors and rejoice that I haven't drank today.
Peace
Vanderman
My disease needs no help from me feeding it.
So I come here and commit for another day,gain strength from you my fellow warriors and rejoice that I haven't drank today.
Peace
Vanderman
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Van, it's good to see you regularly. I don't know if this happens to you - when I am in the midst of emotional stuff, I often don't see clearly and thus difficult situations feel even scarier. I have found that bouncing things off others can make a big difference. I hope you'll feel free to use us that way if you need to!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
Hi everyone
I'm back on this site after being absent for a few months. I'm keen to jump back in and catch up and will be replying to a lot of stuff on this thread as there's a lot of goodness!
I'm over 3 months sober and glad to be back here :-)
Hope you are all well and looking forward to catching up!
I'm back on this site after being absent for a few months. I'm keen to jump back in and catch up and will be replying to a lot of stuff on this thread as there's a lot of goodness!
I'm over 3 months sober and glad to be back here :-)
Hope you are all well and looking forward to catching up!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
Originally Posted by Saskia
Van, it's good to see you regularly. I don't know if this happens to you - when I am in the midst of emotional stuff, I often don't see clearly and thus difficult situations feel even scarier. I have found that bouncing things off others can make a big difference. I hope you'll feel free to use us that way if you need to!
I hate that feeling when i am so adamant about being upset and the next day I realize i way overreacted due to my lizard brain.
In the heat of the moment or the heart of the storm my thinking and vision is so blurred.
Great thoughts Saskia!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
Originally Posted by Vandermast
My father's back in hospital..terminal cancer.. I have so many conflicting thoughts and emotions around this its not even funny.
Sober today...one day at a time
Van
Sober today...one day at a time
Van
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
Originally Posted by gleefan
I'm sipping on my morning coffee and thinking about what everyone has said about relapse. Other alcoholics are wonderful support.
I think that alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful, and will stop at nothing to get an alcoholic to drink. Anytime I start to ponder why I drank, it has helped me to have the reality check that I drank because I was an alcoholic.
When I drank I thought it was because of what was happening in my life - stresses, challenges, disappointments, and successes too. I drank over all those things over the years!
My aunt's recent passing offered interesting perspectives into alcoholism. Many family members, including my dear aunt herself, are alcoholics/addicts and over the next few days they drank non stop. One of her nieces came to the wake super drunk; the next day at the funeral she had a cast covering her arm from a fall. A daughter was "bragging" that her husband was treating her well by giving her drinks from morning til night. A cousin was "honoring" my aunt by making the drink they always drank together. I prayed for them because when I was an active alcoholic my aunt's death would have been my reason to drink.
I am incredibly grateful that in recovery I see what a toxic way that is to muddle through a loss. Last week I sensed my aunt when something really funny happened. I could hear her giggle and imagine her warm smile. She liked to laugh and appreciated a well-timed joke!!
I've learned in recovery that I don't "need" to drink. What I need to do is take good care of myself mind body and soul.
I think that alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful, and will stop at nothing to get an alcoholic to drink. Anytime I start to ponder why I drank, it has helped me to have the reality check that I drank because I was an alcoholic.
When I drank I thought it was because of what was happening in my life - stresses, challenges, disappointments, and successes too. I drank over all those things over the years!
My aunt's recent passing offered interesting perspectives into alcoholism. Many family members, including my dear aunt herself, are alcoholics/addicts and over the next few days they drank non stop. One of her nieces came to the wake super drunk; the next day at the funeral she had a cast covering her arm from a fall. A daughter was "bragging" that her husband was treating her well by giving her drinks from morning til night. A cousin was "honoring" my aunt by making the drink they always drank together. I prayed for them because when I was an active alcoholic my aunt's death would have been my reason to drink.
I am incredibly grateful that in recovery I see what a toxic way that is to muddle through a loss. Last week I sensed my aunt when something really funny happened. I could hear her giggle and imagine her warm smile. She liked to laugh and appreciated a well-timed joke!!
I've learned in recovery that I don't "need" to drink. What I need to do is take good care of myself mind body and soul.
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