Class of August 2014 Part 11
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Back at day 1. Blew it yesterday. I can't explain why. I guess I thought I could control it. Clearly I can't. My off switch doesn't work. There were plenty of things I should have done to stay on track. Can't say why I ordered a beer. I made it 35 days without drinking. Back at it today.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
I'm feeling pretty bad about slipping yesterday. I was doing so well. My husband and I went to a local tavern for lunch. I ordered beer instead of diet soda. Had 2. The my husband wanted to "show me" this other restaurant/bar he had come across when he was out by himself. Had a few more beers. I don't remember leaving or coming home. Came home went to bed. We were supposed to go to an NBA basketball game last night. Missed it because I was sleeping. Of course now I'm nursing a hangover. I feel so dumb.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Originally Posted by 1stepup 
Fell off the wagon in a major way, met a woman on a bus and she wanted me to meet her in a pub, I felt too shy to go sober so I stupidly threw away my sobriety and couldn't stop for a week. Spent most of week with her but now she's told me that she's back with her ex and I feel like a fool, its so hard to stay stopped that its heart breaking. My ex has also told me she's met someone else so Im struggling to cope. One drink and I can't stop, WHEN will I learn?
Sorry you had a rough week. Next time you meet a lady- how about bringing her to get some coffee that ya'll in London are always raving about?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
((((1 step))))
(((rah)))
I drank last night too. I knew that I would if I went to the Halloween parties. I was kind of even looking forward to it. I only had about 4 beers, one an hour and am here today hangover free. BUT I did have a dream last night that I was losing my teeth which is supposed to mean that you've lost something important... something important like my sobriety maybe?
I'm not willing to get back to the way I was (drinking heavily most days of the week) So I'm not drinking today, or tomorrow, or the week or the month after that. If I start feeling excited to drink at an event I'll know for next time that I just need to stay home.
relentless forward progress.
Sorry to let anyone down.
(((rah)))
I drank last night too. I knew that I would if I went to the Halloween parties. I was kind of even looking forward to it. I only had about 4 beers, one an hour and am here today hangover free. BUT I did have a dream last night that I was losing my teeth which is supposed to mean that you've lost something important... something important like my sobriety maybe?
I'm not willing to get back to the way I was (drinking heavily most days of the week) So I'm not drinking today, or tomorrow, or the week or the month after that. If I start feeling excited to drink at an event I'll know for next time that I just need to stay home.
relentless forward progress.
Sorry to let anyone down.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Originally Posted by rah555
I'm feeling pretty bad about slipping yesterday. I was doing so well. My husband and I went to a local tavern for lunch. I ordered beer instead of diet soda. Had 2. The my husband wanted to "show me" this other restaurant/bar he had come across when he was out by himself. Had a few more beers. I don't remember leaving or coming home. Came home went to bed. We were supposed to go to an NBA basketball game last night. Missed it because I was sleeping. Of course now I'm nursing a hangover. I feel so dumb.
I sucked at moderating (I assume that ties into my Ultramarathon goal). Varying the amount, time, circumstance, etc of drinking - then negotiating and arguing with myself about my own 'rules' was exhasting and futile. I had an 'off' switch at work functions and client dinners but not at home, where it mattered most.
For me, going entirely alcohol free was the best solution. I was blessed (really!) with a severe heart block and pacemaker since in allowed me to 'fast-forward' to health related events which would probably happen if I continued on the path.
So, while the pacemaker will be removed in a couple of weeks and my extensive blood work from an MD and Naturapath is ideal, I'm choosing to remain happily alcohol free.
Life won't be problem free of course (how else would we learn and grow?). Yet I'm not going to give up the peace of mind I have (nor go back on the commitment I made to my family) for alcohol.
Anyway, thanks so much for posting and sharing your experience. This team is powerful and we're going to succeede- together.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Originally Posted by bblackbirdflyy
((((1 step))))
(((rah)))
I drank last night too. I knew that I would if I went to the Halloween parties. I was kind of even looking forward to it. I only had about 4 beers, one an hour and am here today hangover free. BUT I did have a dream last night that I was losing my teeth which is supposed to mean that you've lost something important... something important like my sobriety maybe?
I'm not willing to get back to the way I was (drinking heavily most days of the week) So I'm not drinking today, or tomorrow, or the week or the month after that. If I start feeling excited to drink at an event I'll know for next time that I just need to stay home.
relentless forward progress.
Sorry to let anyone down.
(((rah)))
I drank last night too. I knew that I would if I went to the Halloween parties. I was kind of even looking forward to it. I only had about 4 beers, one an hour and am here today hangover free. BUT I did have a dream last night that I was losing my teeth which is supposed to mean that you've lost something important... something important like my sobriety maybe?
I'm not willing to get back to the way I was (drinking heavily most days of the week) So I'm not drinking today, or tomorrow, or the week or the month after that. If I start feeling excited to drink at an event I'll know for next time that I just need to stay home.
relentless forward progress.
Sorry to let anyone down.
). Love the resolve and plans going forward. I know you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: NH
Posts: 110
Congrats London- your posts and dedication to going to meetings are inspiring. I can tell you want sobriety very badly and it is your number one priority. I think it has to be our number one priority, for everything else in our life flows/stems from this fact.
Ultra- 100 days is awesome. I hear ya on the "it's been kind of easy" feeling. I too, haven't struggled a whole lot. Have had only a couple of AV moments in 75 days. (sorry in advance to those who are struggling…) I think it is going to stick this time around but I'm terrified of getting overconfident. Overconfidence is what has brought me down in the past. Moderate drinking is not an option for me- I have a thousand examples from my past. Sobering up is akin to draining a pond for me…as the waters recede my drunken actions are the shipwrecks and skeletons being exposed slowly to my recovering brain. So, for me- I can't even consider one drink or "someday" or the upcoming event that would be less awkward with alcohol. I can't even consider it-it will lead to a 1-2 year- long drunken path of lying to myself, rationalizations, damaged relationships, driving under the influence, endangering my job status, loss of respect from my 3 children and finally, my own self-respect. This is it- this is the time. I don't drink.
Ultra- 100 days is awesome. I hear ya on the "it's been kind of easy" feeling. I too, haven't struggled a whole lot. Have had only a couple of AV moments in 75 days. (sorry in advance to those who are struggling…) I think it is going to stick this time around but I'm terrified of getting overconfident. Overconfidence is what has brought me down in the past. Moderate drinking is not an option for me- I have a thousand examples from my past. Sobering up is akin to draining a pond for me…as the waters recede my drunken actions are the shipwrecks and skeletons being exposed slowly to my recovering brain. So, for me- I can't even consider one drink or "someday" or the upcoming event that would be less awkward with alcohol. I can't even consider it-it will lead to a 1-2 year- long drunken path of lying to myself, rationalizations, damaged relationships, driving under the influence, endangering my job status, loss of respect from my 3 children and finally, my own self-respect. This is it- this is the time. I don't drink.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 1,491
Originally Posted by Ultramarathoner
Thanks for posting! This Halloween thing has caused a little trouble for some of us (I'm going to see what I can do about taking it off the calendar next year ).
Love the resolve and plans going forward. I know you can do this!
). Love the resolve and plans going forward. I know you can do this!
Ultra said it so well. We believe in you !!!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 465
Good morning class.
I am very sorry to hear of the struggles that are taking place with many of us. Wish I had something inspiring and life-changing to say, but all I have is an ear to lend, so please know that you are heard, and that I send love your way.
Today begins my 8th week, or my 49th day. There have been many ups and downs and the AV seems to be reaching out to me much more often than during my 6 month quit. I guess it knows that I caved before, so it's crying out a little louder this time. I'm fighting it, but man, this stuff is hard work.
Just wanted to post this quick update, and to wish you all the very best on this Sunday.
Much love,
MV
I am very sorry to hear of the struggles that are taking place with many of us. Wish I had something inspiring and life-changing to say, but all I have is an ear to lend, so please know that you are heard, and that I send love your way.
Today begins my 8th week, or my 49th day. There have been many ups and downs and the AV seems to be reaching out to me much more often than during my 6 month quit. I guess it knows that I caved before, so it's crying out a little louder this time. I'm fighting it, but man, this stuff is hard work.
Just wanted to post this quick update, and to wish you all the very best on this Sunday.
Much love,
MV
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 1,491
Originally Posted by ClearEyes24
Congrats London- your posts and dedication to going to meetings are inspiring. I can tell you want sobriety very badly and it is your number one priority. I think it has to be our number one priority, for everything else in our life flows/stems from this fact.
Ultra- 100 days is awesome. I hear ya on the "it's been kind of easy" feeling. I too, haven't struggled a whole lot. Have had only a couple of AV moments in 75 days. (sorry in advance to those who are struggling…) I think it is going to stick this time around but I'm terrified of getting overconfident. Overconfidence is what has brought me down in the past. Moderate drinking is not an option for me- I have a thousand examples from my past. Sobering up is akin to draining a pond for me…as the waters recede my drunken actions are the shipwrecks and skeletons being exposed slowly to my recovering brain. So, for me- I can't even consider one drink or "someday" or the upcoming event that would be less awkward with alcohol. I can't even consider it-it will lead to a 1-2 year- long drunken path of lying to myself, rationalizations, damaged relationships, driving under the influence, endangering my job status, loss of respect from my 3 children and finally, my own self-respect. This is it- this is the time. I don't drink.
Ultra- 100 days is awesome. I hear ya on the "it's been kind of easy" feeling. I too, haven't struggled a whole lot. Have had only a couple of AV moments in 75 days. (sorry in advance to those who are struggling…) I think it is going to stick this time around but I'm terrified of getting overconfident. Overconfidence is what has brought me down in the past. Moderate drinking is not an option for me- I have a thousand examples from my past. Sobering up is akin to draining a pond for me…as the waters recede my drunken actions are the shipwrecks and skeletons being exposed slowly to my recovering brain. So, for me- I can't even consider one drink or "someday" or the upcoming event that would be less awkward with alcohol. I can't even consider it-it will lead to a 1-2 year- long drunken path of lying to myself, rationalizations, damaged relationships, driving under the influence, endangering my job status, loss of respect from my 3 children and finally, my own self-respect. This is it- this is the time. I don't drink.
I too have relapsed in the past when I got overconfident. The difference, as you alluded to, is that a small part of me looked forward to a day I can drink again with my newfound confidence. I know now 100% that is not an option. Can be scary, but it also takes a lot of pressure off knowing it is simply not an option. Ever.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,850
Big congrats to Ultra, and London! 100 & 90 totally rocks!
And congrats to everyone else on their days, no matter the #.
Sorry to see some of the team has slipped, been there, done that so many times! The good part is we can start again, rebuild our days, and commitments.
Im working towards the 2 week mark this week. (Thursday)
Weekend has been up and down, having some issues, but so far I'm working through them ok.
Hope everyone has a great day.
And congrats to everyone else on their days, no matter the #.
Sorry to see some of the team has slipped, been there, done that so many times! The good part is we can start again, rebuild our days, and commitments.
Im working towards the 2 week mark this week. (Thursday)
Weekend has been up and down, having some issues, but so far I'm working through them ok.
Hope everyone has a great day.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: NH
Posts: 110
it DOES take the pressure off Chris. This is the first of my "tries" where I am at 100% knowledge that I am one of the millions where alcohol is my foe not my friend. Feeling things, rather than numbing, IS hard work. Cleaning up all of the damage after a binge is even harder work however. The ups and downs of life are going to occur regardless of alcohol intake. How do we handle them? On the front end with clear eyes or on the back end, sick, tired, miserable and depressed?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 974
Hi all. Just checking in.
Congrats Ultra and London!!!!!!!
Rah, 1Step, and BBF glad y'all are all right back here!!
I drank last night too. I went hunting with my husband and it was deliberate. I'm fine during the week but I usually cave on weekends. I worry I'm not taking sobriety seriously. I'm not sure what to think but I'll keep at it and I will not drink today.
Congrats Ultra and London!!!!!!!
Rah, 1Step, and BBF glad y'all are all right back here!!
I drank last night too. I went hunting with my husband and it was deliberate. I'm fine during the week but I usually cave on weekends. I worry I'm not taking sobriety seriously. I'm not sure what to think but I'll keep at it and I will not drink today.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 3 (0 members and 3 guests)
