One Year and Under Club Part 39
Working-cl*** pseudo tough
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 485
Carlos, I had a blister post for you I thought I put up earlier - apparently I didn't.
When I played soccer, I used to get blisters from the socks, as once the synthetic "moisture wicking" material got sweaty, it would slide around and cause blisters on my feet. The solution? Go cotton my friend. When it gets sweaty, it sticks to your foot and rubs sock on shoe, not sock on soft skinned sweaty foot.
Since >90% cotton wasn't really an option with soccer socks, I used to wear a very thin pair of cotton dress socks under my synthetic ones, and it worked like a charm.
When I go running, I also wear only cotton socks (at least 90%) and those don't seem to cause me blisters.
When I did get blisters before I figured this out, I would carefully wash my foot, dry it well, cut the blistered skin away with sterile scissors, then place a sterile Band-Aid on the blister. As long as my skin was dry, I could then put a piece of name brand duct tape (water resistant adhesive) over it, and it would hold the bandage in place. Then I could keep playing soccer.
Good luck! One of the joys of trying to stay fit as we age.
When I played soccer, I used to get blisters from the socks, as once the synthetic "moisture wicking" material got sweaty, it would slide around and cause blisters on my feet. The solution? Go cotton my friend. When it gets sweaty, it sticks to your foot and rubs sock on shoe, not sock on soft skinned sweaty foot.
Since >90% cotton wasn't really an option with soccer socks, I used to wear a very thin pair of cotton dress socks under my synthetic ones, and it worked like a charm.
When I go running, I also wear only cotton socks (at least 90%) and those don't seem to cause me blisters.
When I did get blisters before I figured this out, I would carefully wash my foot, dry it well, cut the blistered skin away with sterile scissors, then place a sterile Band-Aid on the blister. As long as my skin was dry, I could then put a piece of name brand duct tape (water resistant adhesive) over it, and it would hold the bandage in place. Then I could keep playing soccer.
Good luck! One of the joys of trying to stay fit as we age.
Petals!
Working-cl*** pseudo tough
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 485
Apparently a bunch of us are doing something other than drinking on a Friday night.
Yay team!
Another blog post up. If it wasn't happening to me in the first person, I would observe getting sober as an intellectually interesting process.
Yay team!
Another blog post up. If it wasn't happening to me in the first person, I would observe getting sober as an intellectually interesting process.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
I ate a ton of sushi and other Japanese delights with a friend from my home town who lives here in KC. Stopped by Trader Joe's and found Olive/Fig chips... incredible.
May have to start a forum on Olive/Fig Chip addiction. Went through the liquor section at TJ's and just noted the high prices, and TJ is actually reasonable. One of the other people at dinner had sake, I never liked that stuff, tasted and looked like old bath water.
Nice not to crave booze like I used to, my bill is always less too!
Fabulous blog chapter Spark....
May have to start a forum on Olive/Fig Chip addiction. Went through the liquor section at TJ's and just noted the high prices, and TJ is actually reasonable. One of the other people at dinner had sake, I never liked that stuff, tasted and looked like old bath water.
Nice not to crave booze like I used to, my bill is always less too!
Fabulous blog chapter Spark....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Drake sushi sounds yummy!
Sparky you've really got the whole blister repair thing down!
I am beyond exhausted. Today was the craziest work day I've had in a longgggg time! And I get to do it all over again tomorrow! Womp x10.
Focusing on a relaxing day Sunday. Atleast work keeps me busy
Sparky you've really got the whole blister repair thing down!
I am beyond exhausted. Today was the craziest work day I've had in a longgggg time! And I get to do it all over again tomorrow! Womp x10.
Focusing on a relaxing day Sunday. Atleast work keeps me busy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North. Where it snows.
Posts: 702
oh Toots have an amazing trip back and give a huge kiss and hug to Molly for me. PLease send a full report.
Petals, welcome here. I'm over a year but folks here are ok with it thankfully because this group is my lifesaver.
Petals, welcome here. I'm over a year but folks here are ok with it thankfully because this group is my lifesaver.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,181
Morning Undies,
Just because everything is flowing easily now doesn't mean it will later. And if it isn't flowing well later, it doesn't mean that all isn't well.
^ ^ ^ Glee, I love that thought. That is recovery bulletin board stuff.
Apparently a bunch of us are doing something other than drinking on a Friday night. Yay team!
^ ^ ^Sparky, that's enough to bring out a smile.
Sparky, thanks for the cotton socks idea. I will go but some today. I stay pretty active and luckily haven't suffered much with blisters over the years. For sure I need to be more prepared these days. Oh the joys of getting older. Again, thanks for the tip.
Had to dispose of mice #5 and 6 yesterday. This is out of control...never before...just one, maybe two. I will be cleaning my kitchen top to bottom for the third time tomorrow.
Not much posting time left. I am headed out to accomplish a few things and hit a morning AA meeting.
Such a great day to be clean and sober. Enjoy your day, all.
Carlos
Just because everything is flowing easily now doesn't mean it will later. And if it isn't flowing well later, it doesn't mean that all isn't well.
^ ^ ^ Glee, I love that thought. That is recovery bulletin board stuff.
Apparently a bunch of us are doing something other than drinking on a Friday night. Yay team!
^ ^ ^Sparky, that's enough to bring out a smile.
Sparky, thanks for the cotton socks idea. I will go but some today. I stay pretty active and luckily haven't suffered much with blisters over the years. For sure I need to be more prepared these days. Oh the joys of getting older. Again, thanks for the tip.
Had to dispose of mice #5 and 6 yesterday. This is out of control...never before...just one, maybe two. I will be cleaning my kitchen top to bottom for the third time tomorrow.
Not much posting time left. I am headed out to accomplish a few things and hit a morning AA meeting.
Such a great day to be clean and sober. Enjoy your day, all.
Carlos
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Sparky, all of your blog posts have been very moving. I just read your latest and all I can say is "Wow"! You are making such huge steps in working through your issues and laying a great foundation for the future. I know the process is probably as difficult as it can be but the end results are so worth it.
My journey started over 20 years ago. It was incredibly painful much of the time but it gradually became bearable and then improved from merely bearable to good. I still have my low points and this most recent drinking bout was most distressing as I found that for me, working through the old stuff did not fix the tendency to addiction that seems to be in my brain cells forever. This is the difficult reality that I have had to finally face and deal with. I'm not thrilled with AA but I'm going because this is my current task to deal with and I finally can accept the parts of AA I can use and ignore the things I disagree with. Perhaps this change occurred because I'm no longer as angry as I used to be. The first 3-4 weeks of IOP I hated it. Once my brain started clearing out, I realized I hated it because it kept me from drinking. I hope this will be the last time. The journey has been difficult but the rewards are worth the pain!
My journey started over 20 years ago. It was incredibly painful much of the time but it gradually became bearable and then improved from merely bearable to good. I still have my low points and this most recent drinking bout was most distressing as I found that for me, working through the old stuff did not fix the tendency to addiction that seems to be in my brain cells forever. This is the difficult reality that I have had to finally face and deal with. I'm not thrilled with AA but I'm going because this is my current task to deal with and I finally can accept the parts of AA I can use and ignore the things I disagree with. Perhaps this change occurred because I'm no longer as angry as I used to be. The first 3-4 weeks of IOP I hated it. Once my brain started clearing out, I realized I hated it because it kept me from drinking. I hope this will be the last time. The journey has been difficult but the rewards are worth the pain!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Sparky, I read your blog post and found it very moving. I myself don't blame God for anything. Mostly he's a black hole.
I looked in my picture albums and found a picture of myself at the age of 5 years. Curly blond hair. Shy little smile. I remember my dress. Yellow tulle. And I remember a stepfather who used to beat that little girl black and blue with a leather belt. I looked at that picture and to this day I think "What could that little girl have done to warrant such a thing?" Think about how tender and delicate a five year old is. Somehow I just can't get over it. I became angry and acted out in all the ways angry kids do. Which of course led to more beatings. And I am still angry and hate filled. Should I forgive myself for being a bad little girl or him for being a disgusting man? Or God? Why didn't he look out for me? Or maybe my lovely drunken mother? I don't think I have forgiveness in me. But I'm going to explore this theory as you have done. As I think about it, it seems core to my addictions and depressions.
All the time I'm trying to get away from these awful feelings. In the year I've been mostly sober I, too, think I've become what they call the dry drunk. All the time I'm filled with fear of life and hate for everything. I just sit with these awful feelings because I can't get away from them. I have stayed away from AA. Not so much from not believing but from feeling unworthy and unseen and stupid. I'm afraid I'll go there and breakdown or something. Cause a scene.
I do not know what to think about God and I'm not an atheist. But I'm agnostic to the core. This is a very deep thing in my spirit.
Thanks so much for sharing your blog. The film clip was deeply moving for me, too. Could it be that it wasn't all my fault either?
I looked in my picture albums and found a picture of myself at the age of 5 years. Curly blond hair. Shy little smile. I remember my dress. Yellow tulle. And I remember a stepfather who used to beat that little girl black and blue with a leather belt. I looked at that picture and to this day I think "What could that little girl have done to warrant such a thing?" Think about how tender and delicate a five year old is. Somehow I just can't get over it. I became angry and acted out in all the ways angry kids do. Which of course led to more beatings. And I am still angry and hate filled. Should I forgive myself for being a bad little girl or him for being a disgusting man? Or God? Why didn't he look out for me? Or maybe my lovely drunken mother? I don't think I have forgiveness in me. But I'm going to explore this theory as you have done. As I think about it, it seems core to my addictions and depressions.
All the time I'm trying to get away from these awful feelings. In the year I've been mostly sober I, too, think I've become what they call the dry drunk. All the time I'm filled with fear of life and hate for everything. I just sit with these awful feelings because I can't get away from them. I have stayed away from AA. Not so much from not believing but from feeling unworthy and unseen and stupid. I'm afraid I'll go there and breakdown or something. Cause a scene.
I do not know what to think about God and I'm not an atheist. But I'm agnostic to the core. This is a very deep thing in my spirit.
Thanks so much for sharing your blog. The film clip was deeply moving for me, too. Could it be that it wasn't all my fault either?
Working-cl*** pseudo tough
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 485
Originally Posted by Saskia 
My journey started over 20 years ago. It was incredibly painful much of the time but it gradually became bearable and then improved from merely bearable to good. I still have my low points and this most recent drinking bout was most distressing as I found that for me, working through the old stuff did not fix the tendency to addiction that seems to be in my brain cells forever. This is the difficult reality that I have had to finally face and deal with. I'm not thrilled with AA but I'm going because this is my current task to deal with and I finally can accept the parts of AA I can use and ignore the things I disagree with. Perhaps this change occurred because I'm no longer as angry as I used to be. The first 3-4 weeks of IOP I hated it. Once my brain started clearing out, I realized I hated it because it kept me from drinking. I hope this will be the last time. The journey has been difficult but the rewards are worth the pain!
Originally Posted by Elseware
Sparky, I read your blog post and found it very moving. I myself don't blame God for anything. Mostly he's a black hole.
I looked in my picture albums and found a picture of myself at the age of 5 years. Curly blond hair. Shy little smile. I remember my dress. Yellow tulle. And I remember a stepfather who used to beat that little girl black and blue with a leather belt. I looked at that picture and to this day I think "What could that little girl have done to warrant such a thing?" Think about how tender and delicate a five year old is. Somehow I just can't get over it. I became angry and acted out in all the ways angry kids do. Which of course led to more beatings. And I am still angry and hate filled. Should I forgive myself for being a bad little girl or him for being a disgusting man? Or God? Why didn't he look out for me? Or maybe my lovely drunken mother? I don't think I have forgiveness in me. But I'm going to explore this theory as you have done. As I think about it, it seems core to my addictions and depressions.
I looked in my picture albums and found a picture of myself at the age of 5 years. Curly blond hair. Shy little smile. I remember my dress. Yellow tulle. And I remember a stepfather who used to beat that little girl black and blue with a leather belt. I looked at that picture and to this day I think "What could that little girl have done to warrant such a thing?" Think about how tender and delicate a five year old is. Somehow I just can't get over it. I became angry and acted out in all the ways angry kids do. Which of course led to more beatings. And I am still angry and hate filled. Should I forgive myself for being a bad little girl or him for being a disgusting man? Or God? Why didn't he look out for me? Or maybe my lovely drunken mother? I don't think I have forgiveness in me. But I'm going to explore this theory as you have done. As I think about it, it seems core to my addictions and depressions.
And to me, the forgiveness for others is still a negotiable piece - just working for myself right now.
Originally Posted by Elseware
All the time I'm trying to get away from these awful feelings. In the year I've been mostly sober I, too, think I've become what they call the dry drunk. All the time I'm filled with fear of life and hate for everything. I just sit with these awful feelings because I can't get away from them. I have stayed away from AA. Not so much from not believing but from feeling unworthy and unseen and stupid. I'm afraid I'll go there and breakdown or something. Cause a scene.
I do not know what to think about God and I'm not an atheist. But I'm agnostic to the core. This is a very deep thing in my spirit.
Thanks so much for sharing your blog. The film clip was deeply moving for me, too. Could it be that it wasn't all my fault either?
I do not know what to think about God and I'm not an atheist. But I'm agnostic to the core. This is a very deep thing in my spirit.
Thanks so much for sharing your blog. The film clip was deeply moving for me, too. Could it be that it wasn't all my fault either?
But it is one thing thinking it, and a completely different thing believing it. Kind of funny, I didn't really get what the Priest was trying to say 100% until I saw the clip from Good Will Hunting. Yup, Will is cool with knowing that it was not his fault. Except despite knowing it, he didn't believe it until another victim of abuse, a man of compassion helped him truly believe.
Very paradigm shifting thought process for me. And do I want to spend the rest of my life angry, feeling deep down that I was somehow at fault, that something I could have said and done would have made everything better and ended my abuse? And do I want to live with the shame and guilt of all the things this anger and hate drove me to do?
No, I don't.
After viewing this clip, I want to be Robin Williams, or at least his student. And knowing how his life ended and why, I wonder now myself if he knew something, but didn't understand.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Sparky, I know AA isn't for everyone and I don't believe that the path that AA encourages is the best for all. Right now it works for me as I feel still somewhat unsteady in my sobriety.
Else, no person deserves to be beaten and for anyone to beat a small child is in my view completely inexcusable. What I did gradually learn in dealing with my childhood trauma is the following: as an adult, it can be difficult to emotionally connect with that little girl I was. So, as an adult, it's hard to accept the depths of the real terror I felt because I'm not that little girl anymore. If, as an adult, something similar had happened, I would be asking myself if I had contributed in any way. I finally realized that I was wondering the same thing about me as a very young girl. Now I realize that's just plain ridiculous but it was the way I felt. One of a number of things that I did that helped was to close my eyes and imagine that I was holding that little girl in my arms, sitting on my lap. I would feel myself snuggling with her and telling her that what happened wasn't her fault. I did that quite a few times and eventually stopped blaming myself for what happened.
My therapist told me that it wasn't necessary for me to forgive my abuser. That helped to feel less guilt. I also learned that it's OK to forgive myself first. It's part of self-compassion which can be very helpful in healing.
Else, no person deserves to be beaten and for anyone to beat a small child is in my view completely inexcusable. What I did gradually learn in dealing with my childhood trauma is the following: as an adult, it can be difficult to emotionally connect with that little girl I was. So, as an adult, it's hard to accept the depths of the real terror I felt because I'm not that little girl anymore. If, as an adult, something similar had happened, I would be asking myself if I had contributed in any way. I finally realized that I was wondering the same thing about me as a very young girl. Now I realize that's just plain ridiculous but it was the way I felt. One of a number of things that I did that helped was to close my eyes and imagine that I was holding that little girl in my arms, sitting on my lap. I would feel myself snuggling with her and telling her that what happened wasn't her fault. I did that quite a few times and eventually stopped blaming myself for what happened.
My therapist told me that it wasn't necessary for me to forgive my abuser. That helped to feel less guilt. I also learned that it's OK to forgive myself first. It's part of self-compassion which can be very helpful in healing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Saskia - What lovely inner child work.
Sparky - Inspiring blog entry. I agree that there are many different paths to spiritual awakening, each one as unique as the individual. I think that once you find a path that fits, it's so important to keep working on it, like you are.
Else - I can relate to what you're saying. In fact, I know I said something on this thread that I can't believe how anyone could have hurt the child version of myself. I was angry and hate filled for a long time, too, and it definitely fed into my depression and addictions. My anger is lifting, not because of a belief in God, but because I don't want to carry it anymore. And, interestingly, there has been a direct correlation between my letting go of anger and my belief in God.
Sparky - Inspiring blog entry. I agree that there are many different paths to spiritual awakening, each one as unique as the individual. I think that once you find a path that fits, it's so important to keep working on it, like you are.
Else - I can relate to what you're saying. In fact, I know I said something on this thread that I can't believe how anyone could have hurt the child version of myself. I was angry and hate filled for a long time, too, and it definitely fed into my depression and addictions. My anger is lifting, not because of a belief in God, but because I don't want to carry it anymore. And, interestingly, there has been a direct correlation between my letting go of anger and my belief in God.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Morning all just checking in.
I have a 12 hour shift today and I am ready to take on the day with zeal and enthusiasm.
The autumn sunlight is peeking through the clouds and igniting the sky in pink and amber, it's a good day to be alive and I am as ever truly grateful to be sober.
I look back to a few days ago where the AV almost had me, if he'd of gotten me then I wouldn't be enjoying this fine morning right now.
Everyone out there struggling, it gets better. It really does.
HAVE A GOOD DAY UNDIES!!!
(Welcome Petals, how's it going?
)
I have a 12 hour shift today and I am ready to take on the day with zeal and enthusiasm.
The autumn sunlight is peeking through the clouds and igniting the sky in pink and amber, it's a good day to be alive and I am as ever truly grateful to be sober.
I look back to a few days ago where the AV almost had me, if he'd of gotten me then I wouldn't be enjoying this fine morning right now.
Everyone out there struggling, it gets better. It really does.
HAVE A GOOD DAY UNDIES!!!
(Welcome Petals, how's it going?
)
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