CristinaN

Hey. Welcome back rah.

glandon

Rah, thanks for coming back and thanks for the update.

One thing we haven't talked about much here is moderate drinking or "modding". Can you share with us your experiences in trying to do this? Is there anyone else out there in this group who is, or has attempted this.

I think this is a topic worth flushing out a bit; both for folks who are attempting it, and in some cases, I have heard a that longer term abstainers, sometimes consider that because of their AF days, they believe they have some control over their AL usage and can give modding a try.

Thoughts?

Choobie

Gosh, I am proud of you guys who are coming back! We are all the same. And we are here, doing the right thing for ourselves and for those we love. Welcome back to Team August, and keep it coming!

While I was waking up this morning, I was worrying about how much food I ate yesterday and how much tv I watched, and worried that I was on my way to a slip. I guess being sick really makes me feel like I did while I was drinking-i'm already missing a commitment this morning and i'm contemplating having to miss a huge family event this evening. One of my kids now came down with it as well. I can't believe I lived with this kind of guilt every day! And I wasn't even honest to myself about the guilt. Not drinking today!

Choobie

Glandon, I have attempted moderation more than once, so I'll share my story.

I quit drinking back in 2006 and spent some years sober. After about a year, I stopped getting support (I had used an online board much like this one) after some drama that I didn't want in my life. I did ok, but I didn't have the resources I needed to keep growing or to prevent moving backward. After a few years, I thought I could moderate. My husband had continued to drink daily, and I asked him to pick me up something light. I thought that if I didn't drink my original drink, I wouldn't have a problem. That worked for about a month. I was careful to not drink more than once or twice a week, and never more than two at a time. But I started breaking the rules I had set up for myself very quickly, and I was right back to were I was within two months and went farther down from there. I had returned to my original drinking patterns, but with less control. Within a year, I was contemplating quitting again. (Of course, I regretted ever starting again, but this is a moderation story).

I couldn't follow any rule I set for myself for more than a day. After about 6 months of trying to moderate and contemplating quitting, I began to try some programs out there. I began a drink diary, and kept it for almost a year. I was very honest in it, because I truly couldn't estimate how much I was drinking and couldn't seem to get any perspective. I tried smart recovery from the viewpoint of moderation, which didn't work. My drinking, even when I could manage just a few in an evening, or to skip a day or two, was still getting out of control. Dee says "never confuse abstinence with control". I will never confuse abstinence with control again!

dingodog

Hey Rah, so glad to see you back! I'm starting my journey again as well. I'm feeling more confident about it this time around. Sooner or later, its going to happen for me. And you too! I've tried to moderate in the past for a zillion times, never, ever worked. I reached the point of no return there. Its just not picking up that first drink, for me. Once I do, all bets are off. We can and will do this!

dingodog

Christina, so glad to see you too! Looks like some of the original members of team A are back! Great for us.
Hoping everyone is having a nice day. Thanks to everyone who gave me encouragement and welcomed me back. I really need all the help, and support I can get.
You guys are the best!

Grateful11

Great to hear from you DingoDog, Rah, and CristinaN!

Choobie - I was not feeling well either yesterday and was beyond frustrated. I kept thinking how it wasn't fair because I was sober and taking care of myself and should not be sick. I couldn't just relax and accept it. Also was unproductive all day - hated that feeling. Looking back I wish I could have just accepted it and just relaxed.

Today I feel better.

Grateful to still be sober.

Hugs and love to all of you.

Choobie

Thanks, Grateful. You are right! My attitude is about choices in the past, but I need to focus on today and to do the best thing I can right now.

carter89

Hi all,

Happy sober Sunday. Today is day 71 for me and it's really hard to believe it's been 10 weeks.. I'm still feeling good about my sobriety, managed to stop a friend before he opened me a beer late on Friday night, to which he kind of did a 'oh yeah of course' thing - I like that it's becoming normal. I think the novelty is wearing off for everyone else now at least.. for a while I became something of a curiosity to people, which was just vaguely annoying.....

Went climbing today, something that I only took up since my sobriety, and I like how my progress there mirrors my progress here.

@all you running types, esp Ultramarathoner - ran 6km today in 28:35, was quite pleased as I think it's the first time I've run any reasonable distance at any reasonable pace for around 12 months. There are a few nice looking trail runs coming up so I'm hoping to be in a slightly more competitive shape for those. Need to improve my general sleeping and wellbeing a bit so that I can train a bit more rigorously.

@rah - welcome back, moderation didn't work for me before either.. It's a tough journey but just coming back here is the biggest step. We're all lucky here to have the support of everyone else to keep us going. Together every single one of us can do it.

pinklinzangel

rah, welcome back!!! we are here for you!!
Glandon - interesting topic to discuss - I too am keen to hear moderation stories - even if it just to put me off ever believing I can do it. the sneaky av is telling me all the time in my head that I can do it - but my heart tells me I am not strong enough to moderate, and I hope I am able to always listen to my heart in this.
choobie, thank you for that story - really appreciate such an intimate honest share - this can really help us all.

1 calendar month down. day 31.......bloody hell!!!!! I am being taken for a romantic dinner to celebrate :-) feeling happy, blessed and supported.

rah555

Thank you so much for welcoming me back! I really want to get a handle on this. The biggest challenge for me is when I go out. I have to figure out how not to drink alcohol when I go out. It's like a habit now. I feel like I should be able to do this. I've been trying to moderate. Doesn't work. I have to not even have one. It's the only way. Day 1 today.

1stepup

Welcome back rah! Sorry Ive been absent, had my daughters staying all weekend and haven't had chance to get online, eldest was sick in the night, so I had a lot of hugging and reassuring to do, when she finally got to sleep I couldn't sleep for fear of her choking so Ive been up all night and am shattered today!! So glad Im sober to be there for her though.

Pink!!!!!- so surreal having a fellow class member in my neck of the woods!! Well done on 30days!

Ive just got on the thread so got some catching up to do.....

rah555

My story related to moderation.....some background is needed. In 2000 both my husband and I had gastric bypass. After the surgery we couldn't really eat so we would go out and have a drink. After the surgery you aren't supposed to drink carbonated beverages so we took to drinking alcohol (beer, wine, etc) In October 2010 my 24 yr old stepdaughter passed away in out home due to an accidental overdose. It was very traumatic. I remember drinking to numb the pain. After her death my husband started going out a lot to bars to see her friends. I would go sometimes. I was overdoing it every weekend. I cut out shots, cut out martinis. Drank wine or beer. In 2013 I wanted to change. I stopped going out every weekend. On occasion I would go out and would end up overdoing it. I ended up in places I didn't belong doing things I should not have been doing. Because I blackout when I overdo it I really don't remember. At the beginning of 2014 I went 90 days without drinking. I went back to drinking thinking I could moderate. I try limiting how many drinks, what I drink. But I end up breaking my own rules. We recently moved to a new city. I was hoping up start to fresh and have been struggling w overdoing it since we got here. We go out to learn about our new city in hopes that we will meet people. I feel really bad. I am a successful woman and feel like this behavior doesn't align w who I really am. I am in touch w a friend from when I was younger and confided in them. They were not surprised and remembered that I had an issue w binge drinking or overdoing it when I was younger. I am frustrated that I can't get this under control. I overdid it last night and feel like crap today. This should be enough for me to stay away from drinking. I've been caught in a cycle and I want to stop it. I am ready for a better life.

Leeloo

Pink - those pictures look amazing. and speed boats, and seals.. that’s the good life right there.

Determined - congrats for getting through a tough day. You should treat yourself to something awesome as a reward/

Dingo - Great to have you back.

London - I’ve spend a lot of holidays drinking and then missing so much because I was hungover. Glad to hear you’re having a great time.

Apple - I hope you had a great time at the pumpkin farm, Love the quote

Rah - Welcome back and well done. Those are some important realisations.

Choobie - sorry to hear you’re sick. hope you get better soon.

Carter - congrats on 70+ days! it’s great to hear it’s getting more normal for your friends. I was asked today if I’m pregnant. haha


I went for a hike with some friends today which was super lovely. I'm very grateful to have my weekends back.

opalblue

Wow so many posts!! Hey it's nice to see some old members back in the class :-)

Just got back from London. Tired but sober. I watched my friends drink beer, wine, cider, whiskey in front of me all night and I was so incredibly strong. :-)
They couldn't believe that I haven't drank in nearly 40 days and praised me.

I felt great. This morning I went for a run while they were recovering from a hangover.

Night all. Speak soon. Too tired at the mo

Choobie

Great job, knb! Excellent work!

Rah, I'm sorry about your step daughter. Thanks for sharing your story!
When I stopped drinking, I found out that I only knew about 5% of the population of my town. I met so many more people volunteering and joining hobby groups then I ever did while drinking! None of those friends and aquaintences mind when I order a soda water with a twist.

ScooterBoo

Welcome back, Rah and Dingo! Great to hear from you both.

I am happy to hear those of you who were struggling yesterday made it through. At this point when my AV comes calling, I answer with food - - usually dark chocolate and ice cream.

Thanks to all those who sent me suggestions on how to occupy my time. I am okay during the week with swimming, walking my dog on the beach, a seminar at the local library on Monday nights, family lunch oof-Cape on Tuesdays, book club on Wednesday. I usually go to the local vocational school for a mani-pedi every other Thursday, and I now go to my church women's club. I meet college friends in the Boston area for lunch and shopping about once a month. I go to lunch with women from the Y one, two or three times a month or so.

Pink, I will look into offerings at the vocational school, community college and library.

My main problem is weekends during the off-season. I have plenty to do during the summer on weekends. The man I occasionally date is very involved in his business. We usually go out about once or twice a month,usually to social events and often have to stop by his business so he can pick something up or check a fax or something. It is an old friendship, but I need more to do at this point.

Brach, I went to OA with a neighbor years ago and did not like the format at all. I am a very private person (my SR group knows more about me than most IRL people) and it was not my style at all.

My problem is that Miller Lite Beer and White Zinfindel wine were my best friends. They kept me from being lonely and sad. They occupied my time and gave me something to do - get drunk, overeat, get hungover. I now know that my two liquid best friends were the worst friends a person could have.

I tried moderation - - many, many times. This is how it worked - - "I will be fine with three beers; I never get drunk on three beers." (Then - - forward to three beers later) "Oh, forget it! I will start tomorrow. I will go to the gas station/convenience store and buy a six pack. I will abstain completely tomorrow."

The only change would be if I had wine - - I bought wine by the case at Trader Joe's ($2.49 a bottle for two-buck Chuck) and would decide to drink one glass as everyone seems to say one glass of wine is good for you. I would then drink two bottles.

Then, I would usually order Chinese food or pizza to be delivered. No wonder I gained so much weight!

As someone else said a while back, I do wonder what the people at the convenience store and the regular delivery guys think happened to me! I have never bought gasoline at the convenience store as it is self-service, and I don't like to pump gas.

Have a happy and sober Sunday.

brach123

Hey dingo, rah and cristina, I'm so glad you guys are back with this group and giving it another shot, it's the ones that give up on giving up that saddens me.

I've had such a great day, visited an amazing tudor house from the 1500's and then saw some family. It was a simple day really, but just so so nice to be able to do these kind of things. I literally didn't spend any time with family when I was drinking and barely left my room. Feeling blessed for sure.

I'm 1 month sober today as well! I never want to lose this way of life now that's for sure.

Happy to hear you guys got through some tough patches, determined you lived up to your name buddy, way to go! Sending out positive vibes to all you guys!

Choobie

1 month for Brach! Wooooooohoooooo!!!!

calichris

Checking in on day 48. Reading all of your posts always makes me feel 'at home' as we all understand each other at a different level than others do.

Dingo, Rah and Christina, welcome home !!

Love you all, Chris