Neverthought

Wow, thanks for your comments. That is just like our relationship.

And the balance does work too. I'm just frustrated....She's a good wife and mother. Maybe it's cabin fever?.....maybe it was my AV?

I have tons of hobbies. My wife only has a few. She likes to read.

Nevertheless, thanks for your support everyone.

I did cave though....So, I am starting at day (1), but not forgetting what I have and will continue to accomplish.

gleefan

NT -- why did you slip?

Neverthought

Very good question!

Boredom...Frustration...

Fell into a rut...and my AV told me to...

Neverthought

I think it was boredom more than anything....I'm not bored now though, because I am hung over...

My wife has told me I've been miserable for the past few weeks. And I would have to agree.....like I was really edgy this time around.

Any advice, anyone?

gleefan

Hi Febbies,

Checking in on Day 24.

I'm not drinking, and don't have any cravings, but I'm not in a good place. I've been overeating. I haven't been exercising. I feel tired all the time.

Drinking used to be my motivation for my healthier habits. Exercise hard to work off the hangover. Take vitamins to combat the effects of alcohol. Eat healthy to save calories for wine.

Responsibilities like work, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping were inherently unfulfilling but I did them by daydreaming of drinking.

I figured out why I drank, and I can honestly say, I don't want to drink. I don't have any cravings.

Stopping drinking has turned my world upside down. It's like I emptied out my desk and and I don't know how to reorganize it. I don't know what to throw away, what to keep, what I need more of, what I need less of.

I've been trying to practice moderation of diet and exercise, and that's been as big a failure as moderation of alcohol. Currently I'm not working out at all and my diet has become bread, cheese, salt, sugar, and caffeine. I'm gaining weight, although I actually need to lose some, and not fitting into my clothes isn't helping my mood.

I've been working to grow other friendships. That is moving along. Yesterday I did something I would have been too hungover to do when drinking; I went down to cheer on some friends' kids' championship game.

I'm actually thinking about volunteering someplace. Every time a long time sober person posts the advice to volunteer, I'd push back. Now, the lightbulb just went off in my head as to why they'd do it. I also have the non credit course book for the local community college. I may look into jewelry making or learning a language or a yoga class.

Ok-- so I have more plans than I thought. I started this post feeling down in the dumps and I ended it with a plan of action. Maybe I'm not the list cause I think I am.

gleefan

I'm in no place to give advice. I can barely motivate myself off the couch. However, what I think what I'm hearing in your posts is that you feel like the walls are closing in. Take time to develop and work on your interests outside of the family - painting, boat building, what ever you like to do, so long as it's not an environment where folks are drinking all around you. Maybe if you give yourself time to recharge, you'll have a better perspective when you're at home?

Neverthought

Way to go GF...keep in going. I may have fallen but I'm back up and positive. And your outlook has motivated me as well.

You know, I always think about volunteering and helping people. Maybe I should stop talking about it and do it!!!

Neverthought

Also, I'm usually very leery about telling my SR friends that I F'd up for fear that it might have negative impact on someone....but I need SR....

I'll make sure no one follows in my footstep or my mis-step.

And thankfully, I drank a lot of water yesterday and this a.m....and feeling pretty good.

It's weird, but I can't wait to go home and see my wife and kid after work.

Neverthought

Thanks for the advice and darn good advice it is!

You're a good friend, girl, thanks....

SayAnything

Glad you're back, NT, and feeling ok. It would have been easy to just keep on drinking, but you came here. I don't have any advice, as I'm kind of an introvert myself. I think sometimes my husband gets frustrated at me because I don't always want to socialize like he does. I used to want to more, but the older I get, the less I want to. I try to volunteer for things at temple and at my kids' schools to force myself out of my comfort zone. That seems to help some.

GF, sorry you're having a tough time. I'm trying to get back on a healthier track, as well. I used to do what you did and tried to compensate for my drinking alcohol by drinking more water, exercising, vitamins, and diet. I still needed to lose weight and was a big bloated mess. I am now eating mostly what I want because why not? I don't have those extra booze calories. But I'm kind of at a standstill with my weight. I am glad to see a lot of the bloat gone though.

But I think you're doing ok just working on a few issues at a time. Tackle them as you go. If you tried to fix everything at once, you'd be overwhelmed and set yourself up for failure. Right now, I'm just trying to focus on connecting with my husband and kids. And, yes, trying not to completely overeat the way I have been. It's a work in progress.

If you're looking for an exercise class like Insanity, but not quite that insane, I took a great class before my injury called Shockwave at my local Y. It's a circuit challenge with the Indo rowing machines worked in. Very motivational and a good workout. I miss that class. A lot of my friends are into Cross Fit, too. I'm planning on signing up for the next session for something lower impact, like spinning (I love that, too!) or deep water aqua classes.

Have a great Monday, everyone!

gleefan

Aww, you too.

You know, we didn't hear from you this weekend, and I had my suspicion that you slipped. Not in a judgemental way, just in a friendly, concerned way. It was your birthday...you had been feeling down about your relationship... The triggers were adding up. I'm sorry my suspicion was confirmed, but I'm glad you're back and recommitted to staying sober. I don't know if I'd be back if I felt ok the morning after a slip, although I'm learning there's an awful lot more to a drinking problem than drinking. In any event, your change of perspective on going home to the wife and kid is refreshing, and one that I shared and has remained, since my slip. I sense a renewed sense of purpose coming from you, too

gleefan

It feels good to know I'm not alone.

I'll look into those exercise options. Except cross fit, because I can't afford $200 a month. I have a friend doing it, and she loves the camaraderie and, of course, the results.

I scheduled today off from work to cook and clean. I made high protein blondes (almond butter, honey, eggs, baking soda, and dairy free chocolate chips). I'm making grain free irish soda bread later (almond flour, honey, eggs, caraway seeds, raisins) to share with a friend whose relationship I am building whose son had to stop eating gluten due to allergy.

Also, I don't want to make myself sick **from eating** in recovery, replacing one addiction with another. I read about PAWS, too, on SR and although I don't know that it's affecting me, or if I am simply mildly depressed, drinking affects our brains, and eating nutritious foods is an important way to support brain healing in recovery. On the up side, I've found that my word recall, which was becoming a bigger and bigger issue over the last couple of years, has been improving, in spite of the junk food diet.

DiggingIn

Well, here I am at work. Not a pleasant place to be. I talked to my boss and told her that I would like to take the first week of April off. Told her I need to work on some things for myself. She was understanding, but I know long term I have to find a new job. I have not seen him, hoping to get through the day without seeing him. Anxious!

SayAnything

Hope you make it through the day ok. That's good knowing you have an upcoming reprieve. That'll give you time to focus on the job search. Keep your head up - I'll be sending good vibes from here (apparently not too far away!) And don't do this to him if you see him, even if you want to.

tornrealization

NT and Glee, I am thinking we're learning there is a heck of a lot more to sobriety than just starting sober. That I feel is going to be a good part of it. Relearning how to do and handle a lot of stuff.

I am glad you came back right away NT. Id rather see you here then disappear. We all know this is hard. We need the support for slips and day ones. I know I've had some major slips and SR never judged.

DiggingIn, good to hear you have a week off. Maybe use it for a mega job search and relaxation.

Neverthought

Yeah, apparently turning 44...darn I'm getting old, that was lingering.

I've also been really stressed with my son. I think this was also a breaking point for me/us this weekend. I'm not just saying this because he's my kid, but he's so sharp.

I'll never forget this one day...When he was around 3 or 4, we were watching TV and he read what was on TV and I almost fell off my of my chair. I got goose-bumps and ran upstairs to tell my wife. I asked him later, "did you read that". He said yes. I replayed the movie and asked him to read it again and he wouldn't.....so, I wasn't sure if that was a coincidence or what..

So, he started kindergarten this year. My wife is and English teacher but even so, we decide we wouldn't push him to hard about learning to read before he started school.

Well....they've already moved him to the advance reading group. He basically is reading a 2nd+ grade level.. We bought him the game "Life" and he plays along with us and reads his own cards. I'm so proud of him....but....

Here's the downside. He is always getting himself in trouble....always. He doesn't listen, he clowns around and is on a behavior chart at school. But he brings home 100s on his tests...

They watch him like a hawk and as soon as he speaks without raising his hand...he gets punished.

It's sort of taking it's toll on our marriage because my wife gets so upset (she nearly had a nervous break-down last month) because of him misbehaving and she is often miserable about it and now I'm becoming miserable.

I think this is what is causing us trouble. We argue about him often. I tell her he's only 6 and she says, she sees her students (12 year olds) getting in trouble all of the time. She is basically projecting that he will be a troublemaker in 6 years. And then it all starts...the arguing. I mean it's not all of the time and we have a blast with him...but after school everyone is stressed wondering what kind of day he had....

I just don't know why a 6 year old can't be a kid anymore.....

So there it is ....that's out there.....I really have nothing else to complain about................

DiggingIn

Unfortunately I'd probably have a stronger urge to throw my arms around him. Very sad being here, knowing he's right down the hall. I closed my blinds so I wouldn't see him walk by.

Neverthought

Thank you.

If it's any consolation for all of us, I'm learning. Normally, I would have disappeared for a while. So, I really am starting to feel like I'm on the right track. I know what I did was not necessary and it is wrong for me.

I tried not get down on myself like I normally would have in past and while saying "you blew it"..."and who cares".

I'm a work in progress, but I know I'm complicated.

gleefan

He's like the Scorpion in that fable. He comes to you when he needs something - support, attention, whatever that the girlfriend can't offer - but he doesn't hesitate to sting you, does he? He doesn't deserve your devotion, your commitment, much less your hug.

SayAnything

NT, my youngest daughter is in K, too. I volunteer in the library when they have class there. It seems like there's so much of that behavior (not listening, little focus) among that age group - especially the boys (not to be stereotypical, there are a couple of girls in there,too!) It's always interesting to see what they will do next. I feel like we're herding kittens when I'm helping out! Maybe your son is just so bright that he's bored in most of the learning areas, except when he's placed in an advanced group. I'm sorry it's effecting your marital relationship. It must be especially frustrating for a mom who's also a teacher. (And hats off to her for teaching 12yo's because I couldn't imagine!) I hope you can find some middle ground.

Glad you're back here!