Class Of March 2011 pt 7
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
What a beautiful day!!! I can't get my mind on work. I should take a bike ride for a half hour or so.
There is so much to do, though. I need to shorten my stack so I'm not so overwhelmed that I do nothing, (but SR of course).
There is so much to do, though. I need to shorten my stack so I'm not so overwhelmed that I do nothing, (but SR of course).
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Well, Gee...maybe I should just change my name to Dorky Ideals, huh?
I mean, I have a pair of horn-rimmed glasses. I can wear my pants up to my belly button (not really). Will that make me rich? Loved? Famous? Nawwww....
Ok...maybe I am just a dork. Just when I was starting to get a little esteem back...
I mean, I have a pair of horn-rimmed glasses. I can wear my pants up to my belly button (not really). Will that make me rich? Loved? Famous? Nawwww....
Ok...maybe I am just a dork. Just when I was starting to get a little esteem back...
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
When I was in college and girls(my friends) would call me a dork.....It bothered me....I dont know why....Dorks rule the world. I take it as a compliment now.
Oh yea. The only down side to a nook or kindle is if you forget your charger on a trip and you read a lot. No matter how much you open and close the case.....the writing will not appear on the screen. Just an FYI.
Lofty dont you worry....I will take the dork status off of your hands. I am and will always be a dork. Something that I have learned to cherish. Heck whats in a name? Would a rose not smell as sweet by any other?
Oh yea. The only down side to a nook or kindle is if you forget your charger on a trip and you read a lot. No matter how much you open and close the case.....the writing will not appear on the screen. Just an FYI.
Lofty dont you worry....I will take the dork status off of your hands. I am and will always be a dork. Something that I have learned to cherish. Heck whats in a name? Would a rose not smell as sweet by any other?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,582
Aww..I didn't mean it so literally! It's kinda when you're laughing at somebody and you call em a dork cuz they're funny. It's too hard to explain on paper I guess. I wasn't even thinking about it in a negative way. It was meant to make you smile, not make you feel bad! 
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Again...I was TOTALLY joking around. Compared to what I am normally called, dork is a complement... And...I knew you were not calling anyone a dork. I just had to rattle your chain a little, and I was just kidding as well. Please don't take it seriously, I was not in the least tiny little bit offended at all. I obviously just have too much time on my hands today, which I don't, but I'm taking it anyway for some disjointed ADD, alcoholic recovery reason.
I guess I'm just a little giddy on DAY 60!!!
How's your day going?
I guess I'm just a little giddy on DAY 60!!!
How's your day going?
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
mirage
nuff said!
"I'll be your huckleberry" Movie quote
Ok lofty...I just went and took one of those on line adhd tests. I would have been happy to get that score on any test. 96. I know that it doesnt really mean that much....the on line testing that is...Guess I need to go see someone about it. Oh well....add another thing to my list.
nuff said!"I'll be your huckleberry" Movie quote
Ok lofty...I just went and took one of those on line adhd tests. I would have been happy to get that score on any test. 96. I know that it doesnt really mean that much....the on line testing that is...Guess I need to go see someone about it. Oh well....add another thing to my list.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,582
Ok cool. 
Wahoo!!! Day 60?? Congrats!! That's quite a milestone! (I'm doin ok, thanks.)
96%! Almost aced it! That's interesting..I wonder if there's any connection with say, the susceptibility to addiction and ADD symptoms. I like tests..maybe I'll go look for it.
Wahoo!!! Day 60?? Congrats!! That's quite a milestone! (I'm doin ok, thanks.)
96%! Almost aced it! That's interesting..I wonder if there's any connection with say, the susceptibility to addiction and ADD symptoms. I like tests..maybe I'll go look for it.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
There is a very real connection between ADD/ADHD and addiction, or depression, or almost any other dual diagnosis.
I was first diagnosed in 1973 in Los Angeles, due to acting out in class, not being able to sit still in my chair, talking all the time, getting up and walking around the classroom, etc. In other words, I was hyper! I also got in a lot of fights and stuff as a kid. (But, I remember being a really sweet child).
They put me on Ritalin, and the school nurse mis-read the dosage and gave me 3x what they were supposed to. Ritalin is an amphetamine, but works to settle ADD/ADHD folks when used in low dosages. When overused, it becomes a stimulant again in those folks. I first got "high", in a cocaine sort of way, in 4th grade due to the overdelivery of my Ritalin. I didn't like the effect, and soon they corrected the dosage.
Skip forward a few years to 7th or 8th grade. I discovered marijuana, and got a similar "high" that I remembered from the Ritalin, but at that time I liked it. I was no longer on Ritalin at that time, as we had moved and my new doctor didn't believe in ADD.
Using marijuana, occasionally for the next few years, and thereafter almost every day from 10th grade through college, I didn't need Ritalin. I drank socially, but not so much to get drunk, but I did get drunk on many occasions. Introduce Cocaine in 11th grade, so from 1980 to 1983 that was a big part of the picture too. But rehab in 1983 got me off the coke, and everything else for a year and a half. Eventually, I had another year or so of it all, before I graduated in 1986.
After college, which I finished by the skin of my teeth, drinking became the norm as I didn't have suppliers for much of anything else, and didn't seek them out.
There's a lot more to the story, but I think this is enough for today. How'd I get on this tangent? Oh yeah, ADD...
My ADD went unnoticed until about a decade ago. I had a grown up job that required a lot of focus and attention, and I just couldnt do it. Kind of where I am right now, come to think of it. I went to a shrink, and the ADD was reaffirmed and Ritalin started. At first, I used it as prescribed, but I soon found that my normal 6-8 beers didn't do the trick anymore, and I could drink all night most nights without getting slurry or overdrunk. I did that for a couple years. Finally, I think the mind and body get tired of that. Pretty soon you are snorting your Ritalin, and then you have to start taking Xanax to get to sleep at night. Kept drunking during it all. Got depressed. Add antidepressants into the mix.
Thanks for bearing with my 60 day story. My therapist and I have discussed starting Ritalin again so at least I could have some productivity to live. My recent close took some of that pressure off, so I haven't started them again. I now have about a 3-4 month supply, as I've been getting them filled in case I do need to start again. I haven't re-supplied my Xanax, as I think it is a HUGE cause of depression in me. My original goal in therapy was to, of course, be done with drinking, but clear my head of all other drugs for at least 90 days and then take stock.
enuf said for now...
I was first diagnosed in 1973 in Los Angeles, due to acting out in class, not being able to sit still in my chair, talking all the time, getting up and walking around the classroom, etc. In other words, I was hyper! I also got in a lot of fights and stuff as a kid. (But, I remember being a really sweet child).
They put me on Ritalin, and the school nurse mis-read the dosage and gave me 3x what they were supposed to. Ritalin is an amphetamine, but works to settle ADD/ADHD folks when used in low dosages. When overused, it becomes a stimulant again in those folks. I first got "high", in a cocaine sort of way, in 4th grade due to the overdelivery of my Ritalin. I didn't like the effect, and soon they corrected the dosage.
Skip forward a few years to 7th or 8th grade. I discovered marijuana, and got a similar "high" that I remembered from the Ritalin, but at that time I liked it. I was no longer on Ritalin at that time, as we had moved and my new doctor didn't believe in ADD.
Using marijuana, occasionally for the next few years, and thereafter almost every day from 10th grade through college, I didn't need Ritalin. I drank socially, but not so much to get drunk, but I did get drunk on many occasions. Introduce Cocaine in 11th grade, so from 1980 to 1983 that was a big part of the picture too. But rehab in 1983 got me off the coke, and everything else for a year and a half. Eventually, I had another year or so of it all, before I graduated in 1986.
After college, which I finished by the skin of my teeth, drinking became the norm as I didn't have suppliers for much of anything else, and didn't seek them out.
There's a lot more to the story, but I think this is enough for today. How'd I get on this tangent? Oh yeah, ADD...
My ADD went unnoticed until about a decade ago. I had a grown up job that required a lot of focus and attention, and I just couldnt do it. Kind of where I am right now, come to think of it. I went to a shrink, and the ADD was reaffirmed and Ritalin started. At first, I used it as prescribed, but I soon found that my normal 6-8 beers didn't do the trick anymore, and I could drink all night most nights without getting slurry or overdrunk. I did that for a couple years. Finally, I think the mind and body get tired of that. Pretty soon you are snorting your Ritalin, and then you have to start taking Xanax to get to sleep at night. Kept drunking during it all. Got depressed. Add antidepressants into the mix.
Thanks for bearing with my 60 day story. My therapist and I have discussed starting Ritalin again so at least I could have some productivity to live. My recent close took some of that pressure off, so I haven't started them again. I now have about a 3-4 month supply, as I've been getting them filled in case I do need to start again. I haven't re-supplied my Xanax, as I think it is a HUGE cause of depression in me. My original goal in therapy was to, of course, be done with drinking, but clear my head of all other drugs for at least 90 days and then take stock.
enuf said for now...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,582
I appreciate knowing more about your story. It must be kind of scary to think about going back on Ritalin? Like knowing you have addiction tendencies, but needing a medication. Does that concern you or do feel confident that you can take it as prescribed? Or maybe that will come in time. You've been through a lot..I'm glad you're doing so well now and are doing the work to get better. Very proud of you..be proud of yourself.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Thanks, Mirage. I am kinda f'd up, huh? The only chance I stand of getting it all figured out is if I stay sober.
You asked the million dollar question. I've been tempted to take the Ritalin a couple times this month, as I need it. My therapist has suggested a non-stimulant alternative, Strattera, but I think I need to just try to go without it altogether for now. My therapist has approved me taking it as well. Since I'm out of my deductible, I may go back to it and up my sessions to weekly.
My biggest fear is that, if I take it, I'll want to drink. Kind of like smoking leads to drinking leads to... I think at the 90 day mark, I'll better be able to assess my core strength in resolve to not drink. If not, I'll go the next ninety, and so on.
Another caveat is that it's pretty important my family not starve in the meantime. I need to ensure I can command a decent income, and focus and concentration are part of that.
Recovery is complex for me. Today, I called my sponsor and we are gonna get together for a fourth step on Sunday before my meeting. I'm looking forward to it.
Thanks for your comments.
You asked the million dollar question. I've been tempted to take the Ritalin a couple times this month, as I need it. My therapist has suggested a non-stimulant alternative, Strattera, but I think I need to just try to go without it altogether for now. My therapist has approved me taking it as well. Since I'm out of my deductible, I may go back to it and up my sessions to weekly.
My biggest fear is that, if I take it, I'll want to drink. Kind of like smoking leads to drinking leads to... I think at the 90 day mark, I'll better be able to assess my core strength in resolve to not drink. If not, I'll go the next ninety, and so on.
Another caveat is that it's pretty important my family not starve in the meantime. I need to ensure I can command a decent income, and focus and concentration are part of that.
Recovery is complex for me. Today, I called my sponsor and we are gonna get together for a fourth step on Sunday before my meeting. I'm looking forward to it.
Thanks for your comments.
orangutan
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
Hi Guys I'm back . I've been struggling these last few days wanting to drink badly. Yesterday was my anniversary and leading up to it I have been dwelling on not being able to have a nice bottle of wine with the nice meal I was planning. I ended up so depressed over it . We had a nice day ,nothing special, just went to work and a meal at home, my husband had wine and I NEVER but I am just glad its over and I made it sober, today the hold the booze had on me seems to have eased . After all this time it really hit me hard I thought I was doing well.
Way to many posts to reply to just glad your all here and thanks for thinking of me.
Way to many posts to reply to just glad your all here and thanks for thinking of me.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Ok...I don't know anything about the big green tractor, but my son turned me on to the funniest youtube video I've ever seen. Life has gotten backward when my 14 yr old son shows me something like this. But, I can't blame him, I guess....
The Assumption Song - YouTube
cut & paste this and get ready to LMAO!
WARNING!!! Not for KIDS!!!
The Assumption Song - YouTube
cut & paste this and get ready to LMAO!
WARNING!!! Not for KIDS!!!
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