maphive

My first post here , just to introduce myself. I am a 29 year old addict living in Oklahoma City. I am currently 4 days into an H kick , after a 6 month run. :cry3: I had 9 months clean before that so I guess you would say i am a "retread" ? Before that was a 12 year period of addiction to H and C.

I will not bore you with any more of the hundreds of little details that make up stories such as mine right now , i will simply say that i am attending 2 meetings a day through the pain of withdrawl , and am following the suggestions. I am on the do not admit list at the "only game in town" detox so that was not an option. I am happy to find this site it appears to be an active community. I have spent the last hour reading through a few pages of threads and it has helped me through this long night ..... I will be attending an "aa" meeting in 3 hours ..... Na meetings here are relatively few and far between. However I can Make then every evening. Hopefully a site like this will help me "bridge the gap" when i am considering a next step down that long dark tunnel this disease is.

stud0134

Hi maphive my name is chris And I was raised in okc Im living in tulsa now but Im back and forth for tulsa to okc all the time and have been to alot of okc meeting.The one on 42nd and penn is paticularly good for me.Im glad to here you are ready to do the deal and get clean.I sugggest you go to alot of meetings and dont wast no time get a sponser and start working the steps.Ill keep you in my prayers and if you need to talk or want my phone number to talk about recovery you can private message me or email me @ stud01342003******.com

maphive

Hi Chris. I assume you are reffering to the clubhouse located at 47th and south penn ? I am familiar with it and am not adverse to attending meetings there however I live on the far north side and do not drive. therefore I am limited to attending aa meetings at the may club during the day when im not working which is within walking distance , and am getting rides to northside na meetings from friends in the program during the evenings. And to be honest with you chris , although like i said i am not against going there i get a little skeeved out by some of the element there. I wont go into details but , Ive heard , to find meetings you are comfortable going to and that is not one of them for me.

Thank you for responding though and i have written your email address down , mine should be in my profile here if you need someone to talk to likewise.

stud0134

cool deal I totaly understand if if dont like that meeting or any others,Im just glad you have a way to a meeting that show that you are interested in staying clean,I will also take you email address down and I wouldnt mind meeting you at a meeting whenever Im in town.Just keep doing whatever you are doing to stay clean and ggod luck keep in touch.

Time2Surrender

maphive,welcome to SoberRecovery.I am also a recovering addict/alcoholic.Im glad your here and look forward to reading your posts.I can also really relate to finding meetings where you are comfortable.Its important for me to feel at home when I attend a meeting.And I am also very lucky because we have a lotta meetings where I live.So,I have the option of choosing which meetings I go too.

namommy

Maphive,

I just wanted to welcome you to SR. It's is a great site.

cj.

Welcome maphive:

Lot's of great recovery here. Join in anytime.

cj

Gooch

Welcome maphive...

Thanks for sharing.. They tell me I must remain vigilant against my disease.

Although I have the luxury of having over a decade of cleantime, I also carry the simultaneous threat of getting complacent.

I've been busy trying to play catch up with bills and responsibilities. While I enjoy going to meetings and fellowshipping, I'm trying not to fall into the pattern I lived in the first 10 years of recovery, blowing off responsibilities and societal committments to attend meetings, or hang out with other addicts all the time because it was fun talking about how sick we were and safe because we were substituting behaviours for using.

These days I don't attend so many meetings. I can justify my behaviour all too easily..by thinking that I get all the recovery I need right here on the www, or whats a "newcomer going to say to me that I haven't allready heard?

Even though my disease doesn't manifest as a desire to go get high, it sneaks up and I find myself nitpicky, irritable, taking my families inventories, and wanting to control them, their behaviour, and the outcome of everything around me.

And here I am again wanting to change my insides by changing whats outside of me.

I didn't go to the one NA meeting I had the chance to in Oklahoma City while I was there when my brother had his heart surgery at the VA med center last May. I drove to the area (penn and 13th I think) found the building, and got a "little skeeved" .....there were some kids in the parking lot, and some lo riders and 4 x 4 trucks around the hood. So I went back to my hotel room and listened to the freeway ghosts jamming the 40. I did have my laptop and net access such as it was at the motel, so I did get to come to SR and feel a "part of".

Funny thing is I don't ever remember being too skeeved to get picky when I needed a hit. There was no neighborhood too run down, or no junkie holding that was too raggedy azz to get high with if he was in a sharing mood. Nationality or social standing never mattered when I was looking to hook up.

Then I got clean and all of a sudden I develop this mistrust of addicts and can suddenly afford to get selective about where I look for my recovery, and who I can talk to.

i'm real grateful to God as I misunderstand him for miraculously keeping me alive through these spiritual blackouts, let alone the fact that I somehow managed not to pick up the first hit. And even through acting out on some of these character defects has been unpleasant and given me more to add to my running ammends list, I'm grateful for the minute by minute reprieve, and the therapeutic value of one addict helping another.

Thanks for sharing your stuff..... I think maybe I needed to remember where I came from so I can see where I can go and head in that direction again. It can really suck sitting at the crossroad undecided.

maphive

Hi Gooch .

Points Taken. You are absolutely correct in your statements of how we were willing to crawl through sewers for a fix. I know this all too well as i spent my formative years using in the badlands of north philadelphia.. 2 of those years were homeless . long winters wrapped up in a wet blanket spent panhandling 12 dollars each morning for a bag and bus fare up there. Not to mention the incidences of sharing rinsed out needles , and other skeevier acts we junkies would love to be able to forget , but haunt us daily.

I realize your statements were directed at the quote in question. However I will repeat I am not adverse to attending meetings there , and will if i can or need too. THe last time i went there was a man passed out drunk in front of the club. There was also another individual obviously wacked out on crank , that disrupted the meeting several times. This , along with the fact that the location is in close proximity to where i was "meeting the mexicans" has led me to believe id be better off attending NA meetings closer to my home where i feel more comfortable.

Thank you for your posting to welcome me , i can tell you are a knowledgable individual and i look forward to hearing you share .

Gooch

What I quoted was the wake up for me today. I've been spinning my wheels for a day or so and I always feel anxious when I go into a non productive stagnant phase. Lost my reference to gratitude I guess. Your post was just the wedge I needed to allow some openmindedness in.

Next time I get down to Oklahoma to visit my brother, I plan on having my bike to get around a bit and hope to hook up with NA members.

godsonmyside

Welcome, Just do it!! Its that simple. If you need a mtng and thats the only place you can get at the time, you will be there, I'm sure.
I'm not one that uses the expression, you did it while you were using, you can do it in recovery! I don't agree with those terms because I am changing those conditions in/about my life today. I do howevery believe that any meeting I do attend, I can find recovery, if thats what I'm looking for. I can learn from any situation today and Recovery is possible, but it doesn't just jump on.
This is a wonderful site, hope to get to know you, You can email or P.M. me anytime.
Thanks,Todd J.