BrokenSpirit

I'm seeing a doctor now who is aware that I'm an addict. In fact, he's the doctor I've tricked into giving me double doses of pills. But I was finally caught and I'm completely cut off. Anyway, I've been thinking of switching doctors for a long time now. NOT because he's cut off my supply, lol. He's a one-doctor office, and his hours are not convienient with mine.
Anyway, my question is this. Does anybody here know if, when I get a new doctor, will the fact that I'm an addict already be written in my records, or will I have to tell them this myself??
The reason I'm so concerned about this is because I KNOW ME!!!! I will be VERY tempted NOT to tell them, and I will probably try to get some pills from them for my pain. Just to see if I can. :lame: I have an appointment in Sept. with a specialist & in the back of my mind, the wheels are already starting to spin, and this doctor KNOWS I'm an addict!! I don't know what got me started thinking like this again!! :scared1:
But my question was.... will this new doctor know I'm an addict? I'm NOT saying I WILL ask for drugs, but I AM curious as to how it works.... do I have to admit this all over again, or will they already know?
Hopefully I will get the STUPID idea outta my head of trying to get more pills from them by the time I really DO switch doctors!!
I hope someone here knows the answer. And I hope I can get this STUPID obsession out of my mind. I'm trying to convince myself I can control it this time, but I almost killed myself last time. It gets worse & worse each time. I have to think of my nieces & nephews if I can't think of myself!!

Paulie

I don't know the answer. What I would suggest is that you call your current dr's office and ask to make sure that he writes that in your records so that when your records are given to your new dr he will know already. And in my opinion, you should also try and tell the new dr yourself to, knowing that it is in your file might make it easier for you. Part of recovery for me is being honest and asking for help when I need it. You telling your new dr that you are an addict is doing both of those things for yourself.

BrokenSpirit

Telling THIS doctor was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. And right after I told him, I STILL tried to talk him into giving me more pills, lol!! I'm just afraid I won't have it in me to tell this new doctor. Or to tell my old doctor to put in in my charts. I actually don't want to let my current doctor know that I'm leaving him. I feel kind of awkward about it. So.... it won't be for a while, but I'm trying to get up the courage to do it. I was just curious. I'm pretty anxious about it.

Paulie

I know I have been there. I have had to tell more than one dr in the past. The first dr i told immediately perscribed me anti-depressents after talking to me for 5 minutes, scared the hell out of me.

I know it is hard, really really hard, but when the time comes, you need to do it for yourself. It is pretty safe to assume that your current dr has written it in your file, but do it for yourself.

Moontime

Im an addict. My disease wants to kill me. I'm going to a doctor for help, not to help kill me. Even if it's written everywhere, I would make sure he knew just to clear any reservations I have.

KelKel

Hi Brokenspirit.
The addict is the one working overtime in your head right now...of course it does not want you to tell your new Dr. about your addiction.
That is why you should be up front with your new Dr., protect yourself from your addiction.
I am an an alcoholic and I have to fight my addiction everyday, I have to make sure that it is not sneaking up on me. for me to drink is to die and my addiction doesnt give a hoot about me or whether I live or die, just gartification of its primitive desires.
Prayers for you

BrokenSpirit

I just hope I CAN tell the new doctors when the time comes. When I DO switch, which may not be for a couple of months.... I will try to post it here, and get some support from you guys, like you're giving me now. I don't know why it's bugging me now, but I'm starting to get those thoughts again. I have no way of acting on them though. Well, I KNOW I could always get drugs online, lol, but I have no money. And I came SO CLOSE to losing everything last time, I just can't go back. Not now. Hopefully not ever. Today is the last day of my vacation, and maybe the stress of knowing I have to go back to that he!!hole I call work tomorrow is starting to get to me. I TRY to think positively by being grateful that I have a job. And I AM. I mean, I almost lost it (my job) in my addiction. It's just hard to be in a place where the majority of people HATE you & feel the need to constantly let you know it. Oh, a lot of them also feel the need to let me know how STUPID they think I am, too.
Maybe that's why my addiction is sneaking up on me & won't leave me alone. I know that my using towards the end the last time was at it's worst while I was at work. Usually. And afterwards.
Sorry.... I'm babbling, aren't I?? I appreciate you guys support. I honestly don't know what's going on with me lately. I'm guessing it's the going back to work thing. It's putting me in a NASTY mood, lol.
I'm glad I don't have to make the decision right now about telling the doctor about my addiction, because with the mood I'm in.... I wouldn't!!

KelKel

I am sure the thought of going back into an environment that you feel that way about is not helping at all.
But also be aware of how your addictive brain is working you and let it know that it is not going to work. Try not to entertain thoughts of decieving the Dr. or how you might get drugs.
Girl I have to work so hard to even be in the friggin' grocery store and not let the addictive brain start bubbling up in the back of my mind.
How to get it, drink it in the bathroom so no one will know, have gum ready so hubby can't smell it, blah,blah, blah.
I make a list and concentrate on it and get out of there asap.
I have also learned that if I do not feel strong enough, I can ask the hubby to go with me.
Keep sharing, it helps to get these feelings out.

BrokenSpirit

Thanks Kel. Unfortunately, I'm all alone here. I have my family, but I don't live with them. And unfortunately, they don't understand me. Even my addict sister doesn't seem to get it. But she's still using, just not as bad as before, which I don't get. Because each time I use, it gets worse & worse.
I'm the same was as far as how to get it & where to take it so nobody will know.... it got to the point that I was taking pills right in front of everyone's faces.... even at work. Nobody EVER questioned me, lol. Now everyone watches evfey move I make. I even have to show them that the Alleve pills I take out of the Alleve bottle say Alleve on them. UGH!!!!
I stopped going to NA a couple of months ago.... that's a whole other story in itself. I don't know if I'll be going back but I'm thinking I won't be. I have NOTHING against the program, but I just can't go back there. So I have nobody to talk to about these things with except for you guys. Because I have no friends other than you. So thank you so much for your support & for listening to me b!tch. I HATE that I'm being such a downer, but that's where I'm at right now. Thanks so much for listening.

Paulie

Don't apologize for anything. We are all here doing the same thing, staying sober just one day at a time.

You won't go back to NA? can I ask why?

margo

Hi BrokenSpirit - your medical chart is a legal document, and therefore you can take it as a given that your doctor has made a note in your chart that you have an addiction. To not do so would be putting himself in jeopardy, not to mention you. Here in Canada, when you change doctors the new doctor will often request a copy of the medical records from the previous doctor so that he/she knows your previous medical history and can continue your care to the best of their ability. I would imagine it's the same where you are.

I changed doctors early in my recovery and went through an enormous inner struggle on whether to tell or not to tell. The drugs I was addicted to weren't the ones you get from a doctor, and there was nothing in my medical records indicating that I was an addict - it wasn't something that I ever discussed with my previous GP. I knew if I told the truth I would be cutting myself off from a potential source of other drugs, and I knew I would have no problem getting them as there was a professional connection (I work in the medical field). What I was doing was holding onto a reservation, thinking that I could safely use certain drugs, ones that I had not gotten into trouble with yet. I didn't tell my sponsor what I was struggling with, 'cause I knew what she would tell me. I made myself crazy thinking about it because I knew what the right thing to do was - I just wasn't sure that I was willing to do it. Right up to the day of my first appointment with my new doctor, I wasn't sure. But I knew if recovery was going to work for me, I had to protect myself from my addict thinking and tell the truth, otherwise, what was the point of even being in recovery? So I did tell the truth and my doctor was so supportive and kind - we ended up talking for over an hour and I can tell you that the relief of doing what I knew was right was overwhelming.

We can't afford to allow our addict thinking to take control, and it's your addict thinking that is trying to run the show on this issue, just as it was in mine. By applying the principles of honesty, openmindedness, and willingness in all our affairs, our lives become manageable and recovery becomes possible. All the stress I put had on myself about whether to tell disappeared as soon as I did what I knew in my heart I needed to do, and I walked out of his office with my head help high, knowing that I had taken a huge step foward. It sometimes takes a lot of courage to tell the truth, but when it comes to our addiction we really don't have a choice. Our disease is cunning and baffling, always looking for a way back in. It's up to us to take responsibility for our recovery and do whatever we have to to protect it - even the things we don't want to do. Our lives depend on it.

Hugs!

Imagine

Beautiful-BeautifulSpirit; I am so sorry that today was a bad day for you, I wish I could do or say something that would give you Peace of mind. I Have the same thoughts dealing with doctors, that's way I tell them I am an Addict, more then once if I have to. It's not as much to let them know as it is to remind me who I am. I'm in this to save my life and I'm not allowing my addiction to kill me. Please don't give up on the meetings, if you don't want to go back to your home group find another one. Go to on-line meetings, if your on AOL I got a real good chat room I go to, let me know and I'll tell you how to get to it. You know by now I am you friend, I'm concern for your well being. Take care of yourself, post as many times as it takes, b@#ch about anything you need to, just don't USE........Love and Peace my girl..........Jerome

BrokenSpirit

Hey Paulie!! UGH!! I just typed out a good part of my response, and got booted off of the computer!! This has been happening a LOT lately!! Anyway.... I don't mind you asking at all. Keep in mind that I'm not always very good at explaining things, so hopefully I won't leave much out, or make it sound stupid. It hurt me though.
Anyway, here it goes.... If I could have stayed clean for one more month, I would have had 2 whole years clean. It took a lot for me to raise my hand in my home group & share that. I was SOOOO disgusted & disappointed with myself. My sponsor at the time was my friend BEFORE she became my sponsor (or so I thought) tried to help me. My home group was made up of all men, except for one other woman who finally joined. I don't really like her. She's nice to your face, but she is THE most self-righteous, know-it-all I've ever met. My home group always goes out after the meetings & I always went out with them. The guys have a really tight bond.
After I relapsed, I never really stopped getting high. And they knew it. They never SAID anything to me, but they knew it. The only time they said anything was when I tried to stop & they would say "Oh yeah, we knew". Even my sponor knew. WHY wouldn't she confront me?? Anyway, that wasn't the problem. And one of the guys
DID try to talk to me. He KNEW the pills I was on make you very angry. He remembers me coming into the rooms.... I was too shy & afraid to open my mouth... and now I'm being angry & disruptive & acting like I don't want to be ther. He misses the old me. LOL, I don't like EITHER me!!
Anyway, one time when we went out, I was high, and I hit a girls car & didn't know it. I got SO pissed off at the self righteous girl for accusing me of being high.... to this day I've denied being high. This was a minor accident. But they were all in the restaurant.... nobody would help me. She thought I was high because I didn't know where my insurance card was. I am a VERY disorganized person. But they all sat in the damn restaurant and talked about me. I went in to tell them I was leaving & they shoved french fries in my mouth & talked me into staying.
Okay, that was MINOR. Onto my sponsor. I generally only go to my home group. That's it. I went to more when I was out on workmans comp but no more. She has NOT wanted to sponsor me in a long time. Well, she never went over the steps with me. She ALWAYS had time for her other sponsees. And I began to see that if I didn't go to more than one meeting a week, nobody would sponsor me.
Not only that, but my next relapse was worse. I was in a pretty bad accdent again. I was okay, thank God. But I never heard from my so called "friend" and sponsor again. That hurts.
I DID get a call from a home group member, but he called me by mistake. He was looking for the guy whose name is right under mine on our home group list. I told him I wasn't coming back. He was distracted because his truck broke down, which is understandable. It was Group Conscience night, and he needed for them to know he wouldn't be there.
Anyway, NOT ONE person has called me. It's like I never even existed. There's one guy in my homegroup in particular who KNOWS I respect the he!! outta him & hang on his every word. Would it have killed him to talk to me while I was going through it?? Would it have killed ANY of them to say ANYTHING to me to let me know that they cared?? Then again.... maybe they didn't. Just like my damn sponsor.
I was told by a couple of people that this home group was not the right one for me, but it was the only one I really, really loved. I still love those people, even though it's obvious they have no feelings for me.
Another reason I left is I know they push women/women relationships, but I can't seem to get them. The only women who will talk to me are the really young ones, which I have no problem with, but they're usually more with their boyfriends. And one of the boyfriends (who hangs with the guys in my home group) even said I should try to find women more my own age. I'm 40. I don't know why women don't like to talk to me. Maybe because I don't have the same experiences they've had??
Anyway, I guess the reason I don't want to go back is the hurt & betrayal I feel. It's like to them, I never even existed. I opened myself up and got absolutely nothing in return.
I hope this makes sense.

Hey Margo!!
I thought I was doing the right thing when I told my doctor, but now I am SO sorry sometimes that I did that. I have chronic pain, & yes, imaginary pain too, lol. So I WANT my pills & I've blown my chances of getting what I need. But you're right. I'm just hoping this feeling passes. I don't know what's putting me in this mood, but I'd kill for some pills right now. All I have is Tylenol PM. Real exciting, huh?? I hated talking to my sponsor, because her answer to everything was to go to a meeting. What good did that do me?? I'd go to a meeting high, and get in the car & take some more pills!! And then sit there & argue with her about telling my doctor or switching doctors!! Yup, I knew what she'd say, lol. I finally did it, and hopefully I can do it again. When I finally DO switch doctors!!

BrokenSpirit

Hey Jerome!! It's SO good to see you today!! Maybe I will try the chat rooms.... I have AOL, but my computer boots me offline a lot. I could try it though. Just be patient.... I type real slow!!

Italy331

Here in the United States we have a law called HIPPA. Doctors can't tell other doctors about your medical records unless you sign a release form. So your answer would be NO..the Doctor would not know your an addict unless you tell him/her or you sign a release form to that office. Good luck and I think you should tell the Dr. right away.

BrokenSpirit

Hi Italy!! I'm in the States. Wouldn't I HAVE to sign the release form?? He'd want my records from my old doctor, I'm sure. I guess the new doctors will find out anyway, no matter if I tell them or not.
I'm glad it won't happen for a couple of months because right now I do not have the strength to tell them. I've been in a NASTY mood for the last couple of days. I just got off of the phone with my only co-worker friend. We may have dinner on Wed. with a retired co-worker.... my only other friend there. They both wanted nothing to do with me before, because I was always high, but now that I'm clean, they want to go out. It'll be good for me.
Now, I just need to calm down & get through going back to work tomorrow. Usually pills were what helped me through it. Not anymore. I'm on my own this time.

Italy331

Well pills of any sort was my addiction for a year off and on, but the last five months was horrible. I had a long talk with a Doctor friend of mine yesterday, and he has been in practice for 21 years now. He is still amazed at how many Doctors (especially Dentists) prescribe pain killers to patients. He has been to FDA meetings and made statements that the pain killer drugs have more people addcited in the US then illegal drugs. I hate to say it, but it's true!!!
He told me he has prescribed about 50 pain pills in his 21 years of practice. That's how they were trained back then...today it's a money thing..that's all these companies want..they don't care about you and I....there greedy B*******. Anyways, not to be a meanie...but you need to tell your Doctor your problem from the get go. If you can do it, he will help you. Just get past that denial stage, and tell the world. Good luck!

BrokenSpirit

Hi Italy!! I'm looking around lately. and I'm AMAZED at all of the people around me who are taking these pills. One co-worker had some serious medical problems. Next thinkg I hear, he's getting a divorce. He was overheard on the phone saying "but I'm not addicted to them anymore"!!
Our brand new boss is definitely an addict, IMO!! His license is now revoked for 30 days for drunk driving. Of course, he was telling a co-worker of mine this AS HE WAS PULLING UP IN HIS CAR!!!! And he just had surgery. He is supposed to stay home, but he keeps coming in, stoned off of his @ss!! I can pretty much tell he's abusing the pain pills & possibly drinking with them. He's just like me!! Of course he had the nerve to call ME in the office & threaten ME about hearing stories about MY getting high before he ever came to the office!!!! So we laugh about him (I know that isn't right, but they laughed at me too, lol).
Anyway, you'd think that would inspire me to want to stay clean even more. In a way, it does, but in a way I STILL want to trick another doctor, especially since like you pretty much said, it's so easy, to give me more pills. I hate the way I feel when I'm at work with a passion. I work in a large office with lots of people, but my job involves the public. I am at the front counter with 2 other people. The new boss is CONSTANTLY prasing them 2 and leaves them notes telling them how wonderful they are. What do I get?? Called in the office & yelled at about things that never happened. It's a long story, and it's not just that, but things keep getting steadily worse there.
That's one MAJOR place that sets me off & makes me REALLY want to use. To trick a doctor. Just to get through the day.

Gooch

After I was clean a while I noticed some things that had to do with scoring dope and holding dope that really would get my attention. Like people at meetings that would use a match book cover to drag the sugar they spilled up into little piles, or the big zip lock bags that some of the groups used to keep teh keytags in.

Wondered what it was about certain things that got to me like that.

The getting and using and finding ways and means to get more.

Thats tricking the doctor.

cruising past the dope mans house.

counting my money..

or ___________

we can fill in the blank with lots of little triggers. I get a kick out of how my addict wakes up when I open a motorcycle or computer catalog and start ooohing and aahing over the new parts.


Thanks for sharing.

Keep coming back! I need to remember how very much alive and kicking my dope fiend is even though its been years since he had any dope.

BrokenSpirit

Thanks, Gooch!! I guess thats what I'm saying. But I really want more now.
Last night I had a WEIRD thing happen to me & my family thinks I'm using again. I'D think I was using again after this one. I don't know what happened to me!! I made a left out of a shopping center, onto a four lane road. There was no traffic at the time, and I was driving on the wrong side of the road, with the yellow line to the right hand side of me!!!! My mom started screaming at me & asked me what I was doing.... was I on something again?? Even then, I wasn't sure where I was supposed to be. What the he!! was that all about?? I'm 40 yeats old & I've been driving since I was 17. This is NOT a new road to me!! I'm scared.