CherylEM

Actually the email, not the call. I've got the list printed out of every meeting for the next month. There's a place three minutes from my house, I drove by twice today.
The woman that emailed me back was GREAT. I was real apprehensive about all this after reading here the other day the horrid experience one of our friends had at their first meeting. The cliches, the feelings of being the odd ball. This woman that emailed me was calming. Assured me that there are plenty of people ((Like ya'll )) That are here to help. In my sane brain, I know this.. She also gave me a great link http://www.egna.org/
Just another place to get the support needed. There's LOTS out there, just reaching for it can be the tricky part.
Just wanted to say. I took at least ONE baby step today, and for that.......... I'm grateful.........

Cheryl

KelKel

Cheryl
Can't wait to hear about you're first meeting...
My first meeting was a very positive experience and I knew I was in the right place.
Let us know how it goes....

Ann25

(((((((CHERYL))))))))))
Very proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dan

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one small step.

sherbear5104

That's great. F2F meetings are a great way to meet people. This is how we begin to change those old people, places and things that we need to stay away from. And replace them with new ones. Let us know how it goes.
sherry

Gooch

Welcome Home!

Went to see my friend pick up his 9 year medallion tonight.. His walk says as much about his gratitude as any words can. In fact he was sharing about those feelings of being the misfit gradually leaving him when he came to NA and started to work the steps. He asked us if we could relate and there was a group chuckle. Seems most if us addicts felt like we never quite "fit" until we came to NA.

A friend of mine has a tshirt that says "Finally found a home"

mari-mari

:bparty3 That calls for a celebration! Treat yourself to something good! No bubbles, plz...
Good luck!

Shakur T.

Peace Cheryl,
Congratulations on your decision to make your first meeting. The warmth I felt at my first NA meeting was something I will never forget. It was a while ago, but I still remember the FEELING... I used to consider myself a tough guy (yeah, right). At my first meeting on the outside (not in jail), I could not stop crying, like Gooch said, I had finally found a home!
Keep coming back, no matter what...Welcome to a new way of life. If you want what we have and are willing to make the effort to get it...Real freedom is possible.
Peace

stud0134

you know you are the most important person in the meeting. your story keeps us clean and Im very proud of you.you are a blessing to all of us

namommy

Cheryl,

Congrats on your decision. Meetings are wonderful places for support. I remember feeling a little overwhelmed at my first meeting. Especially since this very large woman (over 6 feet tall and very heavy) came running down the lawn and scooped me up into a big bear hug to welcome me. I only weighed about 100 lbs at the time. lol

I can't wait to hear about your experience.

CherylEM

Thank you to all for reading my jibber.
I emailed today with a woman who really talked with me,
details about the meetings and such.
I've signed up for an email chat meeting of sorts and will see how that goes.

I even gave them my phone number, to "possibly" meet someone one on one. It's moving along damn it!! That thousand mile journey has begun.

Then the kick in the ass comes that send you back...........

I haven't talked with him in five days...
I started coming to this site eleven days ago.

As of yesterday I felt better then I have in a long time, sort of.
I mean mentally, though things were piled up, and still are,
I do see some clarity.

Anyway, we talked today for about three minutes.

He has had ONE thing to do for the last three months,
ONE thing I was asking of him, for our daughter, ONE thing I was relying on him for........

He f*cked me.

Our daughters birthday is the 27th.
ALL year she has talked about getting her own TV.
"Daddys' gonna do this and that and this and that...."
He even told her numerous times he was getting it.

Tonight I called him to ask if he had gotten it, or is getting it.

**{Not talking to him for five days also means he has not seen or talked with his daughter}}

He said "No, but I quit smoking pot...."
I said, what about the TV..
He said, I quit smoking pot....
Again..
Again.....

He realized I wasn't biting,
****{though this means I too will be stopping when I run out because he was my "source", How damn sad is that?? Sounds real bad when I reread that}}}

He said he didn't have the money but he would soon,
because "he quit smoking pot.." **{We won't mention the methadone..}}

I said, "Call me when you get your sh*t together," and hung up.

Then the tension headache sets in.
The irritability.
I try with everything I have, not to take out on my daughter or Mother.
I get overwhelmingly tired after dealing with him,
even a three minute phone call.

What I learned was/is......... damn it I was AM getting better even
if it was 1000th of a centimeter, I was/am!!

He messed with that feeling and it pisses me off!

****{There are holes in this story, I haven't posted much, but plan to. Offline I've written about ten pages and though its been reallllllllllllll hard, I've done it damn it!!! LOL}}}


So, as "jibbery" as all this was, it was to say Thank you again for the support, the site and the great emails.

Best.
Cheryl

Iamanaddict

A big CONGRATULATIONS!

You did take a MASSIVE step and I am proud for you. It is a relief to know that you are no longer alone!
Take care and god bless :veryhappy

CherylEM

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! "Iamanaddict" ....................

The last few days have been crap, but you know what IT'S OK!!! I know I am getting stronger and I know I'm getting better..
For now... to me.. thats what caounts ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME.

Thank you again.
Best..
Cheryl