ashley80

I am trying to tough out a three day headache, that has not responded to advil, tylenol, etc. I know it's due to tension from not sleeping, family issues, etc. Not a migraine, as I've had those in the past and they are different.

My addiction is telling me to call my doctor, or ANY doctor, and get some relief, just for one day. I KNOW it doesn't work that way, and I called my sponsor instead. This headache cannot go on forever and I DO not want to lose the progress I have made, with almost one month off pain pills.

I am going to rehab at 5 tonight so I just need to make it till then. I have had plenty of other aches and pains, but this non-stop headache is driving me crazy.

One minute at a time, here. Sorry for the whine. I'm trying to do the right thing.
Ash

Dan

Yep, it's calling your number. It's not liking it at all that you are cleaning yourself up and starting to work a program. It despises your efforts to block it out and push it back. It is not happy with you at the moment and will only double up it's efforts to see you give in.
You called your sponsor.
You're disputing that you need a pill.
You posted about it here.
5 p.m is coming.

Moontime

Two things I've been told to never ask for in my fellowship, that is medical and relationship advice. The reason is that some answers will be off the wall. I still hold that to be true. Just remember the feelings from the headache will pass.

ashley80

Thanks Dan, and Moontime. I don't really want medical advice, bcz I know this headache will eventually go away, whether I medicate with narcotics or not.

I am more concerned with the effect this "pain" (that may not be nearly as bad as I think it is) is having on my ability to stay clean.

I CAN handle the pain. What I can't handle are the thoughts in my head that the pain is causing. Make sense? My disease is pretty angry right now (as Dan said), and for all I know it is giving me the headache so that I give in and go back to the pills.

I'm not thinking too clearly, but I AM hoping my spons will call me back soon.

Moontime

In the first step in the basic text, it talks about not being responsible for our thoughts, but we are responsible for our recovery. Calling your sponsor and other people is a great way to handle this as well as praying.

Cec

I really feel for you. My struggles with my own chronic migraines helped me get here so I may have a sense of what you're going through. At about my 90 day point I had a migraine that drove me to the edge. I posted here and had folks checking in on me all day. It was an amazing experience and it got me through till that headache passed and the craving receeded. Have you tried any biofeedback techniques or distraction? Distraction was the very last thing on my list during a headache but it actually helps A LOT for me. I hope the headache has passed and your recovery is feeling more secure.

Dan

Ash.
Don't stop believing.

ashley80

I'm trying, Dan.
Thanks, Cec and Moon.

I can't find any words today. I did pray, I did read the Basic Text, I did call my sponsor and others. I also called someone I should not have..........

Cec

AND... then you posted here! Have you gone for a walk? Have you laughed? Watched a funny show? Helped someone else? There's millions of things that we can do to help us get through bad days. For me, I needed to make a list of those things BEFORE the bad days came as on those days nothing seems good in the world. Now when a bad day hits, I can try the suggestions on the list and maybe something will help. Anything is worth a try. Keep trying and keep letting us know how you're doing.

ashley80

Unfortunately I didn't do enough "good things" yesterday to prevent me from slipping.
Today I have been having flushing sessions while on the phone with NA friends.
That has to be SOME kind of progress since I have never had the guts (or brains?) to flush my DOC before. (not that I didn't want to dive in after it!)

Also, have discovered that NA/rehab/etc. has pretty much RUINED my ability to get high. At the most I achieved a mild relaxation and got really itchy. And the guilt! It's not worth it! (keep repeating that over and over)
Thanks, Cec. For being here. I haven't given up yet.

Moontime

Ashley,
A head full of NA/Rehab and a body full of drugs don't mix. They will ruin any future buzz's, I learned that too. Just remember your not alone, we've all been there.

Dan

Ain't that a bitch when that happens
ashley.

jenniferaz1980

LOL I will never forget when this happen to me. It gets better and rember somtime it take on minute at a time and you do what you have to to stay clean.

Keep on trecking girly!

namommy

Ashley,

I suffer from different types of headaches as well, and as it says in the Basic Text, we leave medical problems to doctors. It is OK to call your doctor, just remember to tell him that you are a recovering addict, and you do not want narcotics or anything addictive. For my headaches that won't go away my doctor gives me a 6 day course of steroids to break up the inhibitors, you don't get high, they are not addictive and it works.

I was taught that we came into recovery to stop suffering. We don't need to play the martyr in times of pain. Try to pick up the "In times of Illness" pamphlet at a meeting, if they don't have one ask a homegroup member if they can get one for you. It's not just for chronic or terminal illness, and it is very informative.

I hope your head feels better.

ashley80

Thanks Laurie. I have read "In Times of Illness" online, I think. Of course I did not think of it on Monday. My addict mode took over, and I got the drug I (thought I) needed to kill the pain.

Now I am struggling - again - to get back to sanity and NOT go back out. My reservations are going to kill me, I swear.
Thanks for your kind words. I know I need to address the pain issue now with some kind of non-narcotic treatment that will work. It was only after three days of pain that I finally gave in. I feel like such a wimp.

And of course, I did NOT take the pain meds as Rx'd. I had almost 30 days off my DOC. I am beginning to feel like I will never climb out of this hole.

jenniferaz1980

Ashley-

It is going to be Ok. You are not alone. Keeping doing what you know to do. Heck go to six or seven meetings today if you have to. J/K. You will get thought this. Rember on day at a time. On minute if you have too!

ashley80

Jennifer, thank you. I am sure needing the positive words today. I have already called my spons (again - why doesn't she EVER answer the phone??) and am going to rehab tonight. The group leader knows about my slip, and wants me to return.

There really isn't an alternative anymore. Instead of being sad, I feel kind of glad. None of my "normal" friends/relatives understand - but finally there are people who DO.
Thank you again.
Ash

jenniferaz1980

ashley - dont you have contact # from members of you home group? Try calling so of them. Ashley maybe you need to make so friends at your meetings that you will feel confortable to call as much as you call you sponcer. That way when your sponcer is not there you already know who to call next. I do that will my sponcee!

ashley80

Jenn, Yes, I do have some numbers, in fact, I called one of them Monday and she called me back yesterday and supervised me flushing my prescription down the toilet while on the phone with her. (now THAT was a first for me!)
I just need to get MORE numbers so I can keep dialing till I get somebody. Thanks for the good idea. I guess I need tons of numbers to get through a really bad day.

Thanks so much for your support - I really need it. I am wondering if I have the right sponsor (she is temporary right now) bcz she is sooo busy and I am sooo struggling. I'll talk to her about it.

jenniferaz1980

Ashley- If you feel you need more time with you sponcor that she can give you, you need to find somone else. I know that I had a hard time when i first started finding somone to be there when i need then. I did find one and it was a great relastionship for a long time and she help me thought some hard times. Keep looking Ashley you will find the person.

And girl get lots and lots of # and when times are bad keep dialing down the list till you find some one. Keep the list some where that you will always know where it is at.

I have so been there girl!