legna

Sponsorship has been the topic of many of the meetings I have been to lately and I always find the topic a bit distressing. To be clear, I believe that finding, working with and trusting a sponsor who has good recovery is imperative - particularly in early recovery.

The sponsor that I found in early sobriety had, to my utterly destroyed mind, a Mr. Miyagi quality to her. She would have me do things that I had no idea why I was doing and suddenly, out of the blue six months into recovery, I'd discover why she had me do that stupid, nonsensical thing as the tools that I developed in that particular exercise saved my life. Most everything she had me do seemed stupid...but every single thing had a purpose that I simply couldn't understand at the time.

The distress I feel in meetings when the subject of sponsorship comes up is the debating or polling that I see happen about a directive that a newcomer just received from their sponsor. I know that not everyone was as fortunate to have the type of sponsor that I had - and it is likely that few of us had the knowledge and clarity when we first came in to find a really great sponsor but I do know that I wouldn't have made it without her...I'm sitting here a couple of decades later thinking of her and feeling grateful for her instruction and direction as I moved through the steps and life and wish she was still alive so I could tell her that she still is saving my life and my sponsee's lives via the lessons I learned from her.

Just one example...

When I came in I heard, "Just go to meetings and don't use in between." I remember asking her how the hell I was supposed to 'not use in between' as I had used constantly in my addiction. She told me that she'd meet me at the noon meeting the next day and to arrive 45 minutes early. I did and she was there waiting for me.

Our noon meeting was an hour and a half long and there was a two o' clock meeting that followed it a half an hour later. Between the end of that meeting (3p) and the start of the 5:30 meeting she told me that she wanted me to move all the furniture against the far wall and sweep and mop the entire meeting room in time for the arrival of the 5:30 group. It may not sound like much but I was using a walker to get around and was weak as a kitten and I had no idea how I was going to do it.

She went and got a dolly out of her trunk and told me I could move the couches with it if I needed to, gave me a broom, dustpan, mop and bucket and jus told me that she knew it was going to be hard for me but she knew that I could do it in spite of that. "But what about the whole not use between mee..." I promise that I will tell you when the time is right. I was so messed up that I couldn't see it then but three weeks later after doing this chore every day I tackle-hugged her when she came into the meeting. She laughed and said, "I always knew you were smarter than me....took me five weeks to figure it out when my sponsor had me cleaning her house between meetings."

I went three weeks going to meetings and not using in between and if you were the kind of addict I am...then you know what a miracle that was - and, if you have the kind of joy in your life that I have in mine now - you probably have a pretty good idea of how grateful I am to her even all these years later.