JFT Nov 12
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,274
JFT Nov 12
November 12
Our own story
“When we honestly tell our own story, someone else may identify with us.”
Basic Text, p. 95
––––=––––
Many of us have heard truly captivating speakers at Narcotics Anonymous conventions. We remember the audience alternating between tears of identification and joyous hilarity. “Someday,” we may think, “I’m going to be a main speaker at a convention, too.”
Well, for many of us, that day has yet to arrive. Once in awhile we may be asked to speak at a meeting near where we live. We might speak at a small convention workshop. But after all this time, we’re still not “hot” convention speakers—and that’s okay. We’ve learned that we, too, have a special message to share, even if it’s only at a local meeting with fifteen or twenty addicts in attendance.
Each of us has only our own story to tell; that’s it. We can’t tell anyone else’s story. Every time we get up to speak, many of us find all the clever lines and funny stories seem to disappear from our minds. But we do have something to offer. We carry the message of hope—we can and do recover from our addiction. And that’s enough.
––––=––––
Just for today: I will remember that my honest story is what I share the best. Today, that’s enough.
Our own story
“When we honestly tell our own story, someone else may identify with us.”
Basic Text, p. 95
––––=––––
Many of us have heard truly captivating speakers at Narcotics Anonymous conventions. We remember the audience alternating between tears of identification and joyous hilarity. “Someday,” we may think, “I’m going to be a main speaker at a convention, too.”
Well, for many of us, that day has yet to arrive. Once in awhile we may be asked to speak at a meeting near where we live. We might speak at a small convention workshop. But after all this time, we’re still not “hot” convention speakers—and that’s okay. We’ve learned that we, too, have a special message to share, even if it’s only at a local meeting with fifteen or twenty addicts in attendance.
Each of us has only our own story to tell; that’s it. We can’t tell anyone else’s story. Every time we get up to speak, many of us find all the clever lines and funny stories seem to disappear from our minds. But we do have something to offer. We carry the message of hope—we can and do recover from our addiction. And that’s enough.
––––=––––
Just for today: I will remember that my honest story is what I share the best. Today, that’s enough.
Evolving Addict
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
Posts: 3,067
I like this one, too, Rez. It reminds me of what my first sponsor said to me before I shared my 1st year anniversary. He said, "When we honestly tell our story, the message of recovery always comes through." I found that to be true and have carried it with me since. I don't have to be a circuit speaker, the main speaker, or "hot" in that regard. My ES&H is all I have to give, and that's enough.
Lost-n-Found
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Cairo
Posts: 923
Funny thing is I was writing my story yesterday and this morning I see the JFT with todays's title. Here's part of it:
Once, I managed to stay off the heroin for 5 years. I took an Opiate receptor blocker for the first 2 years. I did every drug under the sun in those 5 years except Opiates. I was shattered from Alcohol and pills. Emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. I still had my second wife, a job I wasn't doing very well at. I knew that I was slowly dying. I just couldn't stop the pills and alcohol. I knew I had a problem. I told myself I would take care of it tomorrow. Everyday I said tomorrow.
One day I got an idea. I thought I was a genius. I found a solution to get out of my alcohol and pill addiction. I could now use Heroin successfully just long enough to get out of the grips of alcohol and pills. I told myself I would only snort it. After all, I believed that my problem was with certain substances and certain methods of using. I managed to kick the alcohol but the pills were a different story. Soon I was addicted to both Heroin and pills, a deadly combination. For the next 8 months I was on a rollercoaster going down fast. I overdosed 3 times, coming back to life at the last second. I lost about 20 kilos and looked awful. I rarely bathed. I wanted to die. I just didn't know how to do it. I was very scared and hopeless. I was alone all the time. I would have nightmares that the drugs were running out when there was a pile in front of me. It seemed like I did more drugs in those 8 months than in my entire life. My appetite was beyond satisfaction.
One February night I had just returned home from a long scoring trip. I was fixing in the bathroom. When I came out, there were people from the hospital waiting to take me there. I accepted without struggle. I needed and wanted the break I could never give myself. There was also 4 of them, lol.
In hospital, I was told that if I wanted to get out anytime soon I would need to work the NA program. Someone gave me a copy of the Basic Text and told me to read "who is an addict". He told me to underline any similarities I might encounter. I remember saying to myself; surely I could find something to underline for them. I thought I would have to look hard.
I ended up underlining the entire chapter!
I had an awakening right there and then. It was me the chapter was talking about. How could they know so much about me?
I was intrigued. From that moment on, I was hooked.
I remember my first meeting. I was scared; my eyes were on the floor. I remember people were sharing, talking openly about their life, their problems and their solutions through the steps. I was jealous. I wanted what they had, bad. People hugged me after the meeting and told me 'welcome home' and 'happy landings'. It felt strange but good.
Soon I got out, got a sponsor. It was suggested that I listen well at meetings, that I come early and leave late. It didn't matter what I was thinking about. What mattered was what I was doing.
I did the 90/90 and just kept going. All my friends today are from NA. I cannot go it alone. I do not want to walk alone. I know today that I do not have to.
In NA I found a God of my understanding. What a relief that was. I had trapped myself on a thin line between two high walls on each side. In recovery, through NA, I realized that it was far simpler than that. The road was wide and there were no walls. There even were several roads all leading to the same place. Today I serve in a local committee and in my home group. I am a year, eight months, and a few days clean and I am much better than I could ever imagine. The frequency and intensity of pain is less and less. Day by day, I see a purpose for my life. The meaning is becoming simpler and simpler. Today I feel it's all about goodness. Goodness to myself, my world, and all the beings in it. What's strange is that I'm actually grateful that I'm an addict for I believe that I would not have adopted the 12 step way of life if it wasn't for my disease.
I practice my program daily because I remember well how hopeless and desperate I was, a slave. Today I am free thanks to NA and for that I am very grateful. I AM a miracle!
Once, I managed to stay off the heroin for 5 years. I took an Opiate receptor blocker for the first 2 years. I did every drug under the sun in those 5 years except Opiates. I was shattered from Alcohol and pills. Emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. I still had my second wife, a job I wasn't doing very well at. I knew that I was slowly dying. I just couldn't stop the pills and alcohol. I knew I had a problem. I told myself I would take care of it tomorrow. Everyday I said tomorrow.
One day I got an idea. I thought I was a genius. I found a solution to get out of my alcohol and pill addiction. I could now use Heroin successfully just long enough to get out of the grips of alcohol and pills. I told myself I would only snort it. After all, I believed that my problem was with certain substances and certain methods of using. I managed to kick the alcohol but the pills were a different story. Soon I was addicted to both Heroin and pills, a deadly combination. For the next 8 months I was on a rollercoaster going down fast. I overdosed 3 times, coming back to life at the last second. I lost about 20 kilos and looked awful. I rarely bathed. I wanted to die. I just didn't know how to do it. I was very scared and hopeless. I was alone all the time. I would have nightmares that the drugs were running out when there was a pile in front of me. It seemed like I did more drugs in those 8 months than in my entire life. My appetite was beyond satisfaction.
One February night I had just returned home from a long scoring trip. I was fixing in the bathroom. When I came out, there were people from the hospital waiting to take me there. I accepted without struggle. I needed and wanted the break I could never give myself. There was also 4 of them, lol.
In hospital, I was told that if I wanted to get out anytime soon I would need to work the NA program. Someone gave me a copy of the Basic Text and told me to read "who is an addict". He told me to underline any similarities I might encounter. I remember saying to myself; surely I could find something to underline for them. I thought I would have to look hard.
I ended up underlining the entire chapter!
I had an awakening right there and then. It was me the chapter was talking about. How could they know so much about me?
I was intrigued. From that moment on, I was hooked.
I remember my first meeting. I was scared; my eyes were on the floor. I remember people were sharing, talking openly about their life, their problems and their solutions through the steps. I was jealous. I wanted what they had, bad. People hugged me after the meeting and told me 'welcome home' and 'happy landings'. It felt strange but good.
Soon I got out, got a sponsor. It was suggested that I listen well at meetings, that I come early and leave late. It didn't matter what I was thinking about. What mattered was what I was doing.
I did the 90/90 and just kept going. All my friends today are from NA. I cannot go it alone. I do not want to walk alone. I know today that I do not have to.
In NA I found a God of my understanding. What a relief that was. I had trapped myself on a thin line between two high walls on each side. In recovery, through NA, I realized that it was far simpler than that. The road was wide and there were no walls. There even were several roads all leading to the same place. Today I serve in a local committee and in my home group. I am a year, eight months, and a few days clean and I am much better than I could ever imagine. The frequency and intensity of pain is less and less. Day by day, I see a purpose for my life. The meaning is becoming simpler and simpler. Today I feel it's all about goodness. Goodness to myself, my world, and all the beings in it. What's strange is that I'm actually grateful that I'm an addict for I believe that I would not have adopted the 12 step way of life if it wasn't for my disease.
I practice my program daily because I remember well how hopeless and desperate I was, a slave. Today I am free thanks to NA and for that I am very grateful. I AM a miracle!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,861
“When we honestly tell our own story, someone else may identify with us.”
I could not intelectualize my first step, but when someone told me what happened to them, I began to identify, when I told my story and others identified to me, I became less of an island.
I think its sad when you go to meetings and the speakers ( if it is a speakers meeting) say things like:
We all know how to use, so I won't talk about that. That is the only way I identified with you people. The formula is so simple, Tell your story in a general way, remembering what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now.
Evolving Addict
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
Posts: 3,067
Tell your story in a general way, remembering what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now.
What works best for me is to tell what brought me to NA, what I found when I got here, and why I keep coming back.
Lost-n-Found
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Cairo
Posts: 923
Originally Posted by REZ 
2ala2:
Thanks for sharing your story. It's inspiring! Glad you made it to NA.
Thanks for sharing your story. It's inspiring! Glad you made it to NA.
I'm glad I made it too. I had more than a foot in the grave. I still can't believe that i'm alive and clean. SR has been a real positive fixation of mine. I am learning a great deal thanks to all of you. Guess i'm still on that Pink Cloud. I know, I know, as my sponsor says "this too shall pass". I'm arming myself. I should be OK as long as I don't go it alone. See, my disease is not only cunning baffling and powerful, it's @!#%@!patient too, and it wants me dead. I'm cool today.
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