CatWings

It's just really hard on me right now. I woke up in a bad depressed mood and thought the only thing that could help this is if I got high, but I am going to go to another meeting tonight. It's a good thing I don't have any and I can keep it together until then and the meeting will help.

It was really inspiring to meet two women there who were recovering potheads.

There's an anxiety about how I will fit in and deal with my old crowd that I do not want to let go of due to the art and music I love, but for now I am not going to worry about it. There are sober people in that group too and I can learn to pick my spots. I have all kinds of anxiety about a lot of things but that is part of the withdrawal - this existential angst that i can't put my finger on and fear of the future without my green blankie or something. Thank you for taking the time to encourage and support me. I appreciate you people!

Cat

2ala2

Hello Cat and welcome to SR,
I believe that you're fortunate to address your problem a this stage.
I also believe that Cannabis is such a cunning drug sometimes without a 'hard' bottom for a long long time.
Semi-functional existence in below average less than mediocre land, robbing you of ambition and drive slowwwwly eating you away, a nasty, nasty drug.
Heroin was, in many ways to me, easier to kick.
Are there many marijuana addicts at NA meetings? Yes there are a few pot-only addicts in my area. Some have managed to bless their lives by adopting the 12 step way.
You can have it too if you want it bad enough.
Good luck to you and keep comming back.

doorknob

I've found THC harder to give up than alcohol because the negative effects are so much more subtle, although as I've gotten older they have become increasingly more acute, pretty much forcing me to put it down.

CatWings

For me, the effects of it have only gotten worse as I get older. I read a study that says the cannabinoid receptors in the brain adjust pretty rapidly, getting easily saturated and then needing higher amounts to get high. It's almost like nature never intended for this plant to be abused.

Plus the fact that as you get older, you don't produce as many receptors or something like that.

I have a host of other problems that already slow me down - depression and chronic pain, so I don't really need this, though I've had myself convinced that I was miserable w/out it. I seriously have not been able to put this down for any length of time since I was 24. It only got worse and it started to get worse when I began dating someone who smoked and sold a lot of weed (another guy who had been in serious federal trouble in his youth over that and other drugs).

I also tend to compare myself with other people I know who are "high functioning" stoners. My ex-boyfriend is 56 and smokes a LOT of pot, makes good money and is highly motivated. So are some other people I have known - especially creative types. But they could probably be so much better in some areas if they were sober. I was starting to see the insidious way it was affecting my ex - emotionally stunted, irresponsible, unorganized, etc.

I also see that people can be irrational, exhibit a short fuse, and I see other areas of their lives getting hit by this - mainly their health. They don't really exercise.

And no matter what anyone says, I believe that in many cases, marijuana is somewhat of a gateway drug to other things. When the weed no longer gets you where you want to go and you are around others who are doing harder things, it's a small step to just go ahead and talk yourself into taking that high to the next level.

A lot of these people tend to start looking older than they are and kind of beat up or something. I never was a huge all night or every weekend partyer like many, but enough to where it's a problem for me, especially at my age. My marijuana problem has been carried out mostly in isolation.

Since I have moved back to town and started doing art at parties with these folks, I have managed to trip on acid three or four times and do shrooms a few times. Two weekends ago, I almost did a line of coke and I can't stand coke. It's because everyone else was doing it and as an empath, I sometimes want to get on the same level as those around me or energetically relate and it's not a good thing. The whole "chameleon" syndrome.

But I said, "No, thanks," and then proceeded to feel seriously disgusted listening to everyone in there sniffing. One of my best friends in another state has been getting into acid and coke with her husband and their friends. They are also high-functioning people who like to drink a lot and smoke pot as well.

Why do I envy these types on some level? I think I have looked at them and thought, well if they can do it, it just means I am lazy and it's not the weed doing me in really. It's just me. I know this not to be the case, however.

I figure all these people party and are happier than I am, that's for sure. At least they have fun and the couples that I know never seem to give each other any flack for it. But for me, it has come up in my relationships a few times - me trying to get the boyfriend to cut down while I am not exactly sober myself.

I guess because I grew up in an alcoholic home, dealing with someone close to me who is that addicted just bugs me after a while. I know better.
This is another reason why I want to get clean. I don't want to date addicts anymore. And I am sure non-addicts would not want to date me if I am using.

I took a long walk today and felt pretty good after a while and started thinking about all these people I know and how much they have to drink and drug all the time (mostly drug) and how come nobody ever starts a natural high trend on just the music alone?

I got the ex to buy a vaporizer but he would still smoke out of a pipe when it was not around and if his friends offered him some. He is now having breathing problems on the exhale and does not seem to care.

Other friends of mine are now selling some because they are always low on money due to buying it all the time.

Another friend of mine has been busted a few times - once almost seriously and he is still selling hash (even willing to put it in the mail to someone) and has two little kids.

The ex smoked pot with his daughter at a young age and now she is having all kinds of problems with alcohol and weed and I do not think he has done her any favors, though he claims she is his priority.

I even got a civil citation for possession on my way out to Denver. I was very lucky I got this in a state where it is only a civil citation. I drove straight into a drug trap. Talk about feeling stupid. My need to have this on a road trip was more important to me than to even think to look up the laws in the different states I was driving through.

I think it was around this time last year that I started thinking more about the realities of this addiction a little more. It seems like the more you need it, the more your odds go up of getting busted for it.

I am just glad I am at this point now and my quit date will be almost exactly around the time I got that citation a year ago.

Anyway, I am not trying to put these friends of mine down, but I'm just starting to really see it from a different perspective now that I want on the other side of it.

I like what my mother has said for years about getting loaded, "If I have to drink or do drugs to have a good time, then what's the point?"

Thanks for letting me vent my spleen. I need to stay in reality about this and I hope I can be a good influence to some of these people. I know that a couple of them want to rid themselves of this beast as well. I know they would be inspired by me as I have been by the very few I know in the art/music scene who are totally clean and sober.

Time2Surrender

Heroin, Cocaine, Meth.......A drug is a drug. Marijauna is a drug. The only requirement for NA membership is a desire to stop using.

CatWings

It has become intermittently very psychoactive for me at times. I have a real problem with OCD and I already feel a little more in control of that.

And weed is not the same as it used to be. It's like genetically modified food or something. You don't know what you are really getting half the time. I sometimes wonder if the potency isn't just going up and up, though I suppose there is a ceiling somewhere.

REZ

There was a period of time when I was tired of smoking pot all the time but I kept on smoking anyway. Pot had become such a part of my life: I was psychologically dependent on the drug. I needed it just to get by. I tried moderation and even quitting for brief times, but that didn't work. I would always go back to my daily (usually several times a day) habit. It was only when I started going to NA that I could see what was going on. I was an addict. That's why I couldn't moderate my use of the drug.

Missybuns

welcome catwings

coming off THC also produces vivid sometimes disturbing dreams. Don't worry though...it's a good sign detox is occurring and it will pass.

Once when I was prescribed an anti-depressant (several years ago before I got into recovery) for just a short period I started having some crazy dreams. I asked the pharmacist about it and he asked had I used any other drugs lately?...I got honest and told him I'd recently stopped smoking pot. He said "that's it! As your body detoxes from THC it will definately effect your REM sleep and often causes vivid or disturbing dreams and they will taper off as your body rids itself of the THC"

I'm an NA member. Yes there are different types of drugs of choice and we have all those types of recovering addicts in our meetings. The focus in on recovery and not what type of drug was used.

Good for you finding others to support your recovery. No sense in doing it on your own when there are so many already successful ready and willing to show us the way!

CatWings

Hi Missybuns,

Luckily after a while the bad dreams subside. Last night I had a stupid dream that I was smoking again and people kept giving me and leaving me all these glass pipes. I woke up totally amazed by this. These are the kind of dreams I had when I stopped smoking cigarettes.

I take it that this means I really want to quit and I do. But I must remain vigilant and keep going to the meetings.

I am on day three and I have never noticed withdrawal problems like this, but then I was eating some pretty loaded brownies towards the end there.

I feel like hell! Bad headache, can't sleep well, sick to my stomach, and just feel plain weird and out of it. From what I have been reading, the withdrawal symptoms for some people on the physical level are very real.

It will be interesting to see how it goes. I have been reading that it can take up to three months for the stuff to fully leave your system and heavy users even longer for their brains to fully detox.

I was thinking today about a guy in college I knew who told me he had quit smoking pot and one day a few months later, he said he could almost feel the last of it leaving it his brain.

I can't wait to get my real brain back. I already feel better - just damn strange.

2ala2

I like that too. Seems to sum it all up. Why am I not comfortable in my own skin?
If I get down to the reasons then I am on the road to recovery. At this point, I am re-learning everything.
The steps have been the solution for me.
PS. It took me about a month to start sleeping normally. Hang in there and do not use no matter what.
Good luck to you..

doorknob

I've been struggling with OCD since I was a teenager, bad enough at times that I can't function.

REZ

I felt weird when I stopped smoking pot too, mostly because I had become accustomed to feeling stoned or burned out. But I really started to like the way I was feeling too. My mind became much clearer, less foggy. My energy levels improved. Paranoid and crazy thoughts became less frequent. I did have some trouble sleeping, but I got over that too. Hang in there!

CatWings

I actually found an MA meeting to go to tonight. It was pretty good. I had another rough day of being clean but after the meeting, I felt more hopeful hearing how others have gone through similar feelings when first giving up weed.

I came home and did something I had been putting off with a clearer head. I already am reaping the reward of not having to struggle so hard when doing something a bit challenging. I did this in spite of feeling like hell, which distracted me from feeling like hell. I even called someone from NA today who told me to just keep busy every time I get an urge to do something I should not do.

Interestingly enough, a very alcoholic friend of mine is wishing to get sober and ready to attend 12-step meetings and do other things. So I am taking her to an AA meeting this Wednesday. Another reason to keep getting to meetings for me!

REZ

Sounds like you're doing some very positive things! Calling someone in NA takes a lot of courage too. A lot of people have trouble making phone calls. But I know from experience that a simple phone call can help me stay clean.

cloudofdelusion

Sorry for making a zombie out of the thread, but this is exactly what I needed to read tonight and I just wanted to say thank you. I just got home from my first NA meeting and the same thoughts and concerns have been running around in my head, but I identify so much with what CatWings has shared and this has given me so much more confidence in my choice to attend NA to finally get my head on straight!

Timebuster

Damn I miss the old crew of that period of time here on sober recovery.

cloudofdelusion, This is an old thread from 2008.

I just wanna wish you a happy Thanksgiving.

And remember, the program works if you work it.

TB