Hugging the Opposite sex
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Posts: 2,274
Hugging the Opposite sex
One thing I like about NA is that we give hugs--lots of them. When I first started going I was a little weirded out, but I quickly got used to it.
Something has happened in our area recently that I do not agree with. Some of the women have been advising other women not to hug men, because of the sexual implications, ramifications, temptations, or whatever. I don't agree with this at all: it is divisive and sexualizes an act, which for me, has not been sexual. When I hug someone in NA, man or woman (I am a man), it is about fellowship, unconditional love, support, etc. I realize that some people may try to do more than that when they hug, and some may get or give the wrong message, but that's still no reason not to hug members of the opposite sex. When I was new to NA, there were few women in the area. If they didn't hug men, they often would get very few hugs, if any. Now, there are more women, and I guess some women don't think you need male hugs anymore.
Something has happened in our area recently that I do not agree with. Some of the women have been advising other women not to hug men, because of the sexual implications, ramifications, temptations, or whatever. I don't agree with this at all: it is divisive and sexualizes an act, which for me, has not been sexual. When I hug someone in NA, man or woman (I am a man), it is about fellowship, unconditional love, support, etc. I realize that some people may try to do more than that when they hug, and some may get or give the wrong message, but that's still no reason not to hug members of the opposite sex. When I was new to NA, there were few women in the area. If they didn't hug men, they often would get very few hugs, if any. Now, there are more women, and I guess some women don't think you need male hugs anymore.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
i get a lot of hugs..becuase i need it.
yeap it felt wierd at first to get hugs. but it's healing.
it breaks down my walls. there's a human being inside of me
somewere. Hugs actually hurts at first for me. i was so beaten
and down on myself, hated myself, hated everyone and really wanted
any human contact Hugging other men was weird at first and
to certain piont hugging women at first was a bit scary becuase
of sexual implications, but as in every thing else in recovery I had
to learn how to do that too. To accept people as they are
inside pluming or outside pluming or whatever their sex perference
is. A gay man actually help me through my darkest hours. I'm not
gay but god set him into my life. He's actaully a pretty gental soul
with a lot of wisdom and experince. He just happen to be an addict.
Rather then looking at the difference of our lives, I looked at the
simularities. He's a human being just like i am and sometimes life is
not so kind. Onething that cuaght my attention about that man was
there where tears in his eyes. Even thou through all of that he still
reached out and help me. life on life's term was a bit too much for
him. He had just gone through a divorce with his wife that he loves
very much. I just had to get to know him that's all.
Through the years i've gotten better at having females friends.
it's a learning process. Becuase once upon a time i thought all
women were bitches and evil and i hated everyone of them.
mmm...a phaze i was going through after a bitter divorce battle.
As much as i love beautiful women, i hate them just the same.lol
it's me of course that was wacked. So a gal better offer me more than
a hug or a one night stand before i'll ever fall in love again.lol
I did promise myself that i would never fall in love again..
I actaully went through a phase of seriouly consider being a monk.
but HP saids no...I'm not allow to run from life.
And of course HP knows i have a radar for a special type of women.
She bascially has to as sick as i am..if she's more well than me..
heck no.. i go running for hills no matter how many hugs she gives.lol
Beats me why some women would put out that kind of message or
what thier intensions are or what kind of phase they're going through.
perhapse of their own incuries or over conserned
it's not like i havn't seen women attracted to other women before.
yeap it felt wierd at first to get hugs. but it's healing.
it breaks down my walls. there's a human being inside of me
somewere. Hugs actually hurts at first for me. i was so beaten
and down on myself, hated myself, hated everyone and really wanted
any human contact Hugging other men was weird at first and
to certain piont hugging women at first was a bit scary becuase
of sexual implications, but as in every thing else in recovery I had
to learn how to do that too. To accept people as they are
inside pluming or outside pluming or whatever their sex perference
is. A gay man actually help me through my darkest hours. I'm not
gay but god set him into my life. He's actaully a pretty gental soul
with a lot of wisdom and experince. He just happen to be an addict.
Rather then looking at the difference of our lives, I looked at the
simularities. He's a human being just like i am and sometimes life is
not so kind. Onething that cuaght my attention about that man was
there where tears in his eyes. Even thou through all of that he still
reached out and help me. life on life's term was a bit too much for
him. He had just gone through a divorce with his wife that he loves
very much. I just had to get to know him that's all.
Through the years i've gotten better at having females friends.
it's a learning process. Becuase once upon a time i thought all
women were bitches and evil and i hated everyone of them.
mmm...a phaze i was going through after a bitter divorce battle.
As much as i love beautiful women, i hate them just the same.lol
it's me of course that was wacked. So a gal better offer me more than
a hug or a one night stand before i'll ever fall in love again.lol
I did promise myself that i would never fall in love again..
I actaully went through a phase of seriouly consider being a monk.
but HP saids no...I'm not allow to run from life.
And of course HP knows i have a radar for a special type of women.
She bascially has to as sick as i am..if she's more well than me..
heck no.. i go running for hills no matter how many hugs she gives.lol
Beats me why some women would put out that kind of message or
what thier intensions are or what kind of phase they're going through.
perhapse of their own incuries or over conserned
it's not like i havn't seen women attracted to other women before.
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
I have always gone by the rule I learned when working with the brain damaged. Give members of the opposite sex a side hug. This prevents many possible misunderstandings and you can still hug!
Evolving Addict
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
Posts: 3,067
Where's the unity in avoiding a hug from the opposite sex? Are they nuts? IMHO, the women who are putting forth this mess have some serious issues to get over. Do they think for one minute that men are the only ones who might give an inappropriate hug? Gimmie a break.
I think those who have a problem with hugging men should consider having a women's group. We've got two in my area. They also sponsor a "Women's Unity Day" function annually. The women in my area are strong and supportive, yet they never go as far as what you've mentioned. Sure...we've got perverted members of both sexes in the rooms who'll take a simple hug way, way too far. Yet, to ban opposite sex hugs is ridiculous. I can think of at least three excerpts from the literature that applies here, but the one that stands out is in Our Symbol:
"The greater the base, (as we grow in unity in numbers and in fellowship) the broader the sides of the pyramid, and the higher the point of freedom."
I think those who have a problem with hugging men should consider having a women's group. We've got two in my area. They also sponsor a "Women's Unity Day" function annually. The women in my area are strong and supportive, yet they never go as far as what you've mentioned. Sure...we've got perverted members of both sexes in the rooms who'll take a simple hug way, way too far. Yet, to ban opposite sex hugs is ridiculous. I can think of at least three excerpts from the literature that applies here, but the one that stands out is in Our Symbol:
"The greater the base, (as we grow in unity in numbers and in fellowship) the broader the sides of the pyramid, and the higher the point of freedom."
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
