eureka

I love this step because I feel like it is always the easiest for me.:praying

Threshold

I am struggling with it mightily. I admit my powerlessness over my addiction, but I seem to still prefer that than to put myself into the hands of "god"..

I feel like I'd rather die in my hopelessness than take a step toward hope and get smacked down again.

I know that this last addiction I am hanging on to (anorexia) is merely an illusion of control, but it's like an imaginary friend. If I give it up, I have nothing, and I do not trust that anything is there to catch me...I feel that if there IS a HP...it has it out for me, I'd rather rot in my addiction than put myself into it's vengeful hands..

I'm having a rough day....can you tell?

I didn't realize how strongly I felt about this, how angry and terrified until today when I was working step one in regards to anorexia. I hit a wall.

I am not using. I am letting Sobriety call the shots...Sobriety is the only HP I trust right now.