someone...please HELP ME
You're never alone!!
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 2,191
It seems to me that even if we put them in a folder, it still adds them to the total number of PM's we have. So we can only have 50 total. I think. I have had the same problems. Make sure that your total is not over 50. I am hoping someone else will come along and tell us how we can work the folders so we can have more than 50 pm's. Do I make sense, I know what I am trying to say, but sometimes it's hard to express it, when not in person. That happens alot for me.
Love ya all,
Becky
Love ya all,
Becky
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,609
Purrdy,
I'm sorry that you're hurting so much now and I don't have any answers. You've gotten lots of advice and support from your friends here and I hope it helps. I can only say again, that you are not alone when you feel like this. Is it possible that you can try changing medications and that a different one would work differently? Obviously leaving your job was a major change in your day to day life and it's understandable that you're feeling lost right now. Have you considered doing volunteer work? That made a huge difference to me when I moved to a new city at the same time as stopping drinking.
I'm sorry that you're hurting so much now and I don't have any answers. You've gotten lots of advice and support from your friends here and I hope it helps. I can only say again, that you are not alone when you feel like this. Is it possible that you can try changing medications and that a different one would work differently? Obviously leaving your job was a major change in your day to day life and it's understandable that you're feeling lost right now. Have you considered doing volunteer work? That made a huge difference to me when I moved to a new city at the same time as stopping drinking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Salisbury Wiltshire
Posts: 1,904
well I got up...i got dressed...i took kids to school....i got on SR...i have a heap of mails to return....my head feels fuzzy....i have not taken a drink...thank god....that is a miricle...im playing the tape....i still feel so sad and unfocused...im too damned scared to apply for jobs.......
I had a long chat with my sponsor yesterday...she helps to smooth my feathers down.....I ma haveing dreams.....abaout being pregnant and then losing the babies...two of them.....dead.....what the hell is that all about?
I am drifitng from day to day...hell i dont know where this month has gone....i feel like im here but in a dream....
oh god why do i have to feel like this?...did i really choose this existance?...im not living....I dont want to live......I dont know how to do life?.........
if this is what life is about then i give up...i dont want this......
its like having to be here to just be here and experience pain...its gone on for so long now.......
the meds kicked in but now i seem to have plateued (sp)....I upped them yesterday i will see how that goes...
its like im a dog waiting for its owner to came and take me out.......
someone save me from myself?....does that make sense?......
I never had the guidance when i was young..and now imfeeling my way through life......i keep messing up......
day to day to day to day to day...i drift...doing nothing....not wanting to be here.......
why why why why why ?????? what is this all about?.........
I had a long chat with my sponsor yesterday...she helps to smooth my feathers down.....I ma haveing dreams.....abaout being pregnant and then losing the babies...two of them.....dead.....what the hell is that all about?
I am drifitng from day to day...hell i dont know where this month has gone....i feel like im here but in a dream....
oh god why do i have to feel like this?...did i really choose this existance?...im not living....I dont want to live......I dont know how to do life?.........
if this is what life is about then i give up...i dont want this......
its like having to be here to just be here and experience pain...its gone on for so long now.......
the meds kicked in but now i seem to have plateued (sp)....I upped them yesterday i will see how that goes...
its like im a dog waiting for its owner to came and take me out.......
someone save me from myself?....does that make sense?......
I never had the guidance when i was young..and now imfeeling my way through life......i keep messing up......
day to day to day to day to day...i drift...doing nothing....not wanting to be here.......
why why why why why ?????? what is this all about?.........
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Salisbury Wiltshire
Posts: 1,904
crying crying crying......i feel sick.......i feel like i want to sleep but i cant........i hurt like a huge gaping soul ache you know? inside i hurt I ache so deep inside like I really am dying...
i want to sleep forever...just sleep and never wake up..............I have so much to do and i cant do it...because i hurts too much.....
No motivation....its like wading through treacle........im so heavy and weighed down...
THIS IS HOW I FEEL!!!!
THIS IS MY LIFE TODAY!!!!!
I want to get out of me...get away from my body......right out and right away I hate being me I hate it.....there is nothing nothing nothing nice about me right now....
I feel sick
i have work this afternoon...i will go......i went to a meeting yesterday...i spoke to my sponsor today...i have made an apt to see my doctor...i was asked to eat something...so i did......
So you see people I am trying to do the next right thing....I am...I keep trying
i keep trying i keep trying i keep trying.....im so tired of trying but i keep trying........
i want to sleep forever...just sleep and never wake up..............I have so much to do and i cant do it...because i hurts too much.....
No motivation....its like wading through treacle........im so heavy and weighed down...
THIS IS HOW I FEEL!!!!
THIS IS MY LIFE TODAY!!!!!
I want to get out of me...get away from my body......right out and right away I hate being me I hate it.....there is nothing nothing nothing nice about me right now....
I feel sick
i have work this afternoon...i will go......i went to a meeting yesterday...i spoke to my sponsor today...i have made an apt to see my doctor...i was asked to eat something...so i did......
So you see people I am trying to do the next right thing....I am...I keep trying
i keep trying i keep trying i keep trying.....im so tired of trying but i keep trying........
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Salisbury Wiltshire
Posts: 1,904
ok... a new day...maybe i need to vent this off each day...clear the way to start my day?....my head is so thick inthe mornings....i feel heavy like ive not slept....well today i have to do something...so as i ve posted in aanother thread i am going to wash my car...boy it needs it...all tahat rock salt and mcuk from winter..she needs polish too...she is my pride and joy and i give her the full works...pleas god let the weather hold!!!!......
so head thick with sleep....stomach empty, still, not so sick feeling today......
I have seen a couple of jobs posted to...i will (did you see htat?) I WILL print of fthe application forms and apply I will do that this weekend....
I amgetting to the point now where i just dont care if i work or not...i dont care anymore!....my university have given me an extention on my assignment...cant face that right now.......
i need to wake up...i feel so asleep......i feel disjointed stilll........i need to pray for a bit.......i think?......
head not so full of death this morning.....and i didtn dream lst night...went to bed in the early hours and read untill i fell asleep......
so herei am in my pj's stillat 10.40... time to go and do something kenny time to go...oh and I might even pick up my guitar later....trim the nails down and do it.......it has to gett better right??????
so head thick with sleep....stomach empty, still, not so sick feeling today......
I have seen a couple of jobs posted to...i will (did you see htat?) I WILL print of fthe application forms and apply I will do that this weekend....
I amgetting to the point now where i just dont care if i work or not...i dont care anymore!....my university have given me an extention on my assignment...cant face that right now.......
i need to wake up...i feel so asleep......i feel disjointed stilll........i need to pray for a bit.......i think?......
head not so full of death this morning.....and i didtn dream lst night...went to bed in the early hours and read untill i fell asleep......
so herei am in my pj's stillat 10.40... time to go and do something kenny time to go...oh and I might even pick up my guitar later....trim the nails down and do it.......it has to gett better right??????
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 889
Hmm don't up med dosages without talking to a dr, please, not such a good idea. Other than that, yes life is hard...but as lame as that may sound, there's a lot of fun in life and living too, it all balances itself but sometimes that's really hard to see. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Salisbury Wiltshire
Posts: 1,904
s ok i was told to up them a few weeks ago but felt ok so didnt..should have know n this would happen...
Well have heart ot heart with hubby today...god i love him so much...i am blessed....if anything was to happen to him i really would die of a broken heart.....
fears fear fear.......
Well have heart ot heart with hubby today...god i love him so much...i am blessed....if anything was to happen to him i really would die of a broken heart.....
fears fear fear.......
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Glad you took Dr's advice and changed dosage. It really does get old the trial and error of finding the right meds, but they have found the right mix for me finally and because I have found depression to be a progressive illness also, I am not going to be silly and decide when my life does start going well that I don't need them anymore. I don't know if I have another recovery in me.
I got such a lecture from my DR about trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps.
However, my shrink DR, does monitor my life circumstances and tells me that situations are just about as important as the meds, so I always have to do the footwork to create, manage and live in as healthy circumstances as I can manage.
One thing at a time, one day at a time. You are doing your footwork and your meds will catch up soon. And one day you will wake up and realize hey, I don't feel awful!
I got such a lecture from my DR about trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps.
However, my shrink DR, does monitor my life circumstances and tells me that situations are just about as important as the meds, so I always have to do the footwork to create, manage and live in as healthy circumstances as I can manage.
One thing at a time, one day at a time. You are doing your footwork and your meds will catch up soon. And one day you will wake up and realize hey, I don't feel awful!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Salisbury Wiltshire
Posts: 1,904
well i didnt apply for those jobs..yet and i need to get my extention for uni sorted too...why am i so lathargic,,,,?
boys are on easter hols this week...i have called my cousin to see if we can go visiti her..she has a boat and take us out on the solent.....
i need a break......right now i just wish i could get right out of my head and lock the door behind me and never return....
i want togo toa meeting toinght...but am unsure of myslef i am getign ti the point wherei dont wnat ot go out....not good.....
anyway time for brakfast....coffee and cigarettes......
ararghhhsee i cannot help myslef these days!
hopless.....
boys are on easter hols this week...i have called my cousin to see if we can go visiti her..she has a boat and take us out on the solent.....
i need a break......right now i just wish i could get right out of my head and lock the door behind me and never return....
i want togo toa meeting toinght...but am unsure of myslef i am getign ti the point wherei dont wnat ot go out....not good.....
anyway time for brakfast....coffee and cigarettes......
ararghhhsee i cannot help myslef these days!
hopless.....
On The Bus
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Brattleboro, Vt.
Posts: 484
Please
Try prayer and ask your HP for help and relief from bondage of self. You sound like a person that is suffering deeply from a disease called depression.
When I was two years sober I went through the same thing you did. As a matter of fact I was inches away from a nervous breakdown.
Prozac worked for several years and when that stopped working I made the switch to Zoloft which just barely helps me maintain.
You are full of fear, anxiety and depression. I pray that this will be lifted from you soon.
When I was two years sober I went through the same thing you did. As a matter of fact I was inches away from a nervous breakdown.
Prozac worked for several years and when that stopped working I made the switch to Zoloft which just barely helps me maintain.
You are full of fear, anxiety and depression. I pray that this will be lifted from you soon.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Well, Purrdy;
You've been sharing and having a tough time of it. It's great that you are sharing.
Now, the first order is to beging to take care of yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Physically -- eat right, get exercise, get 8 hours of sleep at night.
------------ so, coffee and cigarettes for breakfast? How about coffee, fruit and a piece of toast? Or some oatmeal? Would you let your kiddies have coffee and cigs for breakfast?
So, get your day started right. Do the first right thing. Then focus on the next right thing.
What can you do for yourself in the mental, emotional and spiritual spheres?
Be well, Purrdy....
Shalom!
You've been sharing and having a tough time of it. It's great that you are sharing.
Now, the first order is to beging to take care of yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Physically -- eat right, get exercise, get 8 hours of sleep at night.
------------ so, coffee and cigarettes for breakfast? How about coffee, fruit and a piece of toast? Or some oatmeal? Would you let your kiddies have coffee and cigs for breakfast?
So, get your day started right. Do the first right thing. Then focus on the next right thing.
What can you do for yourself in the mental, emotional and spiritual spheres?
Be well, Purrdy....
Shalom!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Salisbury Wiltshire
Posts: 1,904
i am seeing a docotor tomorrow...i checked the time just now...im hanging on by my fingernails...i HATE relying on anyone...whoes to say wether im well or not...i dont trust doctors...i hope she will listen to me.....i hate being played with by doctors...meds up meds down...i hate it.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Salisbury Wiltshire
Posts: 1,904
i want to be well...I DO>>>>>>>>>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I cannot stand much more of this existance!!!!!!! i want it all to just stop......i want some peace......just for a little while so that i can feel at rest with myself....right now im in contant angst......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Salisbury Wiltshire
Posts: 1,904
i came to sober recovery to find others that FEEL the same way as me...i have shaed alot of pain on here...am i in the right place?
im gettting fed up with AA...i believe that this 'depression' or mental illness is getting in the way of my recovery....do ou undertand that?
when i went to AA i was so happy for about 3 years...the lst 2 years hve been hell...i keep doing all the 'right things' but its not changed...at Christmas i experienced an all time low...i am just recovering from that.....i am trying i just want you to knwo that....i really am trying....
i have taken positive steps today...doctor and meeting....someone got up asn walked out when i was sharing...because it was not a
AA related???.....i f i cant vent there if i can tvent here then do i shut up keep laughing and pretend everythingis ok?
i have to write this down...i just do....i know i absolutely know that some of you know how i feel and that to me is like a healing balm....thaknyou for all your support.......
im gettting fed up with AA...i believe that this 'depression' or mental illness is getting in the way of my recovery....do ou undertand that?
when i went to AA i was so happy for about 3 years...the lst 2 years hve been hell...i keep doing all the 'right things' but its not changed...at Christmas i experienced an all time low...i am just recovering from that.....i am trying i just want you to knwo that....i really am trying....
i have taken positive steps today...doctor and meeting....someone got up asn walked out when i was sharing...because it was not a
AA related???.....i f i cant vent there if i can tvent here then do i shut up keep laughing and pretend everythingis ok?
i have to write this down...i just do....i know i absolutely know that some of you know how i feel and that to me is like a healing balm....thaknyou for all your support.......
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