KatieRose

I feel so lost right now. I thought things were finally getting better for me. Well, i was wrong.

Yesterday i found out that my favorite cousin is moveing to Alabama in a month. I know she has to do this to save her marriage, but i am going to miss her so bad. I wonder why the ones who care always leave me?

I know that she will stay in touch, but it won't be the same. Another cousin is in medical school and other than christmas and thanksgiveing he won't be home for 3 years.

How can i let them go without falling apart? In my heart, I know that it's right, but i don't trust anyone locally as much as my 2 cousins. I am so afraid that the depression will get deeper if i don't find a rational way of dealing with this.

advice please.

KatieRose

shutterbug

Oh sweetie....i'm sorry. I don't know what kind of advice to give.....i really have none.....well, ok,....what about e-mail? What about going to some Alanon meetings? Or some NAMI meetings?.....you know....to help find others to talk to and hang out with who you feel you can trust. That's all i got right now....and some *hugs*

Been a little worried about you.....how did things go yesterday?

KatieRose

Jenna,

There is always email, but Becky doesn't email me unless it is in response to an email that i send her. Tom has already been in Alabama for a month.

As for the future docter, Barry is too busy studying to even answer emails.

Yesterday was ok. Sunday was funny on account of my brother left my present at home. He is takeing friday off. We might go to the movies wednesday night if we both want to see something that is playing.

Working on a reply to your email.

KatieRose

shutterbug

LOL....I meant Sunday.....i haven't been to sleep yet so it still feels like today is Monday (so yesterday would be Sunday).....LOL....i'm a goof!

splendra

(((Katie)))

Maybe it is time for you to start realizing your dreams. What do you want for yourself? Your cousins are doing what they need to do for themselves....

Maybe there is something you want or need to do that you are replacing relationship to others with. Growing up is about taking responsibility for getting our needs met. Are you expecting others to care for you more than you care for yourself?

Trust yourself....

bikewench

Katie....

lost...
yeah...

I get lost immediately when I try to hook my life onto another's ...



take me with you.......



of course.. it's not meant to be that way...

in a properly functioning world... we would have gotten the attention and love we needed to complete and fulfill the part of us that is crying out now not to be left alone.

but.. the more I run from this fear... the stronger it gets...

I have to learn to be what I need...
I have to invest in myself until I am full...
no one can do this for me...
they can add a cup or two... here and there...
flavoring... if you will....
but..
the main job...
the big job...
that's mine.

and as long as SR is online...
I will never be alone again.

KatieRose

The problem with any and all of my family is that Becky and Barry are the only 2 who have ever shown me that they love me.

I understand why they have to do this though.

What i expect from my so called family is unconditional love and emotional support whenever i need it. Most of them only talk to me on holidays because they hate my dad and my uncle. In my family family, comes first and uncle randy chose his wife over the family. Dad chose my mom.

Another thing is i am always known as Randy's niece, or Steve's daughter. How can i break free of that? I want to be known as myself. People judge me for the actions of my dad and uncle. I am so proud of Becky and Barry for getting away from a very controlling family. I only wish i could do the same because life here is a liveing nightmare. Everywhere i go is associated with painful memories from my past.

KatieRose

splendra

(((KR)))

I am hoping that you can start showing yourself that you love you. We care and hope that you find what is best for you....