Gal220

I don't know if I am allowed to post this here, so if it needs to be taken down, I get it.

I was baking earlier and accidentally touched the hot baking sheet with part of my hand. Normally accidentally hurting myself doesn't trigger me or cause me to want to hurt myself. But this time it did. Maybe because I've had to talk about it a lot lately.

It's been over four years since I cut myself, but I do think about it every day. Often. I don't romanticize it or indulge in thoughts; they just pop into my head constantly. I've tried to use the tools I learned in AA to help me, but lately the "cravings" (for lack of a better word) are relentless.

So I accidentally burned my finger - not even enough to blister, it was just red a bit. And then I did it again. On purpose. I couldn't hold my hand against the pan very long, so it barely is noticeable. And now I can't stop thinking about it. I can't get it out of my head. I didn't get the feeling from it that I "craved." I know in my head that that feeling is elusive. I know I shouldn't do it again. I also know I may not even be able to physically do it before I instinctively pull my hand away.

Anyway, I don't have anyone else to talk to about it, so here I am. Thanks.

But I just really want to do it again. And I really want to cut. And right now I just don't know why I shouldn't. It doesn't hurt anyone, not like drinking does.

Dee74

Hi Gal220

I don't know much about self injury but others will, I'm sure.

You're very welcome here but I have heard this is another good site for support:

bus - Index page

Gal220

Thank you, yes I've been to that board before. I tried to go on yesterday, but had some issues. I've also found in the past that it can be a bit angsty and indulgent. Alcoholics and addicts are much more straightforward typically.

I know I need to just suck it up and get over it. I try to treat self-injury like my other addictions. Just don't indulge, no matter what. It's just more difficult.

Thanks

treeguy24