Worry
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Join Date: Aug 2004
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Worry
Not sure if this is the right place for this or not but here goes...
You probably don't know me as I'm one of the forum's less active members. Anyway I was hoping one of you might have some information about worry. I just love all of the posts in this section and you all seem to have some great words of wisdom.
I am in the middle of reading "codependent no more" and trying to make some changes in my relationship with my husband. Part of my problem, I think, with trying to control everything is that I feel plagued by constant worry. Every tiny thing he does that any other person would think is totally normal sends me into a whirlwind of possible reasons causes and eventual outcomes. I really need to knock this sh*t off and I can't seem to stop. Help!
You probably don't know me as I'm one of the forum's less active members. Anyway I was hoping one of you might have some information about worry. I just love all of the posts in this section and you all seem to have some great words of wisdom.
I am in the middle of reading "codependent no more" and trying to make some changes in my relationship with my husband. Part of my problem, I think, with trying to control everything is that I feel plagued by constant worry. Every tiny thing he does that any other person would think is totally normal sends me into a whirlwind of possible reasons causes and eventual outcomes. I really need to knock this sh*t off and I can't seem to stop. Help!
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Every tiny thing he does that any other person would think is totally normal sends me into a whirlwind of possible reasons causes and eventual outcomes.
I can certainly relate to that. One tiny incident... and I'm worrying years down the road... ;o)
I have begun to realize though that if I talk the incident out with the person it's around.. it dispels the fear and worrying.
Baring that... I have also given many things to my Higher Power to look after...
I also find that googling "worry" brought up many helpful hints to get over it... or prevent it in the first place.
Here's one I found helpful.
http://www.pioneerthinking.com/trauma.html
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Thanks bikewench that link was kinda helpful....the problem is that the fears and the worry ARE irrational. I can reason things out with myself and my mind knows that they are unfounded but my heart just doesn't catch on.
You are right that talking to the person despels the fear but the problem is that ALL of it is surrounding my husband....after reading the book on codependecy I feel like I shouldn't be constantly forcing him to give me some reassurance that I should be able to give myself. I don't want him to feel guilty for doing totally normal things due to my irrational fears.
You are right that talking to the person despels the fear but the problem is that ALL of it is surrounding my husband....after reading the book on codependecy I feel like I shouldn't be constantly forcing him to give me some reassurance that I should be able to give myself. I don't want him to feel guilty for doing totally normal things due to my irrational fears.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
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The heart doesn't catch on...
good one.. that's exactly what it feels like.
Irrational fears...
Yup... I can have someone dead and buried if they are 10 mins late as well.
I think anything can be overcome as long as everyone involved understands what the problem is and how it is going to be overcome.
Sure we should be able to calm our own fears... but I think we first have to let ourselves fully feel the fear... and work it out to its end. I think lots of our fears are based in past events that were never resolved... so they automaticly come up first and then we tack the present worry on top of that... so... it's pretty hard to be rational in the face of that.
I do know that I can't will myself not to worry...
I either have to take the direct approach or sit on my hands and feel the pain.
Do you think your husband will work with you on this?
good one.. that's exactly what it feels like.
Irrational fears...
Yup... I can have someone dead and buried if they are 10 mins late as well.
I think anything can be overcome as long as everyone involved understands what the problem is and how it is going to be overcome.
Sure we should be able to calm our own fears... but I think we first have to let ourselves fully feel the fear... and work it out to its end. I think lots of our fears are based in past events that were never resolved... so they automaticly come up first and then we tack the present worry on top of that... so... it's pretty hard to be rational in the face of that.
I do know that I can't will myself not to worry...
I either have to take the direct approach or sit on my hands and feel the pain.
Do you think your husband will work with you on this?
we're all mad here!
Join Date: Apr 2003
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Hi Sweeks
I googled "Worry" and came up with mostly non-related stuff. Then I googled "Anxiety" and came up with more stuff than I can list. I found forums for anxiety/panic itself plus tons of articles.
I'd suggest going to Family and Friends and posting about this..... they can help you deal with your husband. What you need to learn to do is to deal with the worry itself. I know this cuz I'm a big anxietyaholic. Can't get enough of the stuff it seems LOL. Either that, or I'm like the anxiety flypaper. Now that I don't have substances to numb it, I'm having to develop a whole new set of coping skills.
I take it a step further.... I worry about worrying. 
I really like Bikewench's link!
I googled "Worry" and came up with mostly non-related stuff. Then I googled "Anxiety" and came up with more stuff than I can list. I found forums for anxiety/panic itself plus tons of articles.
I'd suggest going to Family and Friends and posting about this..... they can help you deal with your husband. What you need to learn to do is to deal with the worry itself. I know this cuz I'm a big anxietyaholic. Can't get enough of the stuff it seems LOL. Either that, or I'm like the anxiety flypaper. Now that I don't have substances to numb it, I'm having to develop a whole new set of coping skills.
I do know that I can't will myself not to worry...
I really like Bikewench's link!
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
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Moot...
That's funny,... but I never equated worry with anxiety. But they have pretty much the same meaning in the dictionary.
To me... worry is active thinking about something... and anxiety is a feeling I have...
Regardless of how I relate to it though... the end result is the same. Lots and lots of wasted time and energy.
I shall be googling anxiety as well. I am very tired of thinking and feeling crap that is simply a fabrication in my mind of what could happen...
And how come I don't worry about not winning the lottery? Or for that matter... winning it...
lololol... I worry about worrying...
That's funny,... but I never equated worry with anxiety. But they have pretty much the same meaning in the dictionary.
To me... worry is active thinking about something... and anxiety is a feeling I have...
Regardless of how I relate to it though... the end result is the same. Lots and lots of wasted time and energy.
I shall be googling anxiety as well. I am very tired of thinking and feeling crap that is simply a fabrication in my mind of what could happen...
And how come I don't worry about not winning the lottery? Or for that matter... winning it...
lololol... I worry about worrying...
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Join Date: Aug 2004
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[QUOTE=MootPoint]
I take it a step further.... I worry about worrying.
QUOTE]
Yeppers! Me too. And sometimes...I even worry about worrying about worrying.
Sad, but true.
Splendra had a good idea in another post where she suggested meditating on the phrase "Let Go and Let God," and then using it when needed. I think worrying - which is 95 percent of the thoughts I have each day, is a good place to put her suggestion to use.
Also, since I'm diving back into Alanon, I'm realizing that the program works for my mental illnesses in the same way it works for my alcoholic situations and thinkings. Last night, I went through the back index of the "Hope for Today" book and found so many topics that fit how I felt right then that I couldn't read even a fourth of them before bed time, but every page helped put my mind at peace.
I shared in my Alanon mtg today, for the second time, about my bipolar illness and a gentleman of around 60 years old spoke to me afterward because he was just diagnosed w/ bp 6 months ago. (The first time I spoke about it in a mtg, right b4 I went into the hospital, I met an Angel sent straight from heaven. She also is bp and has helped me more than anyone in my recovery)
Anyway, my point is that if you are attending Alanon mtgs it might be a wonderful thing to share since you may find that half the room struggles with the same thing. I know having a person in my life who really understands what I'm going through - has been invaluable! If I wouldn't have called her last night, I probably wouldn't have picked up my Alanon book and wouldn't have found that strength at a moment when I needed it the most.
Hugs,
Jenna
P.S. I haven't found a copy of "Co-dependency no more," as of yet, but "I found the second one "Beyond Co-dependency" at a garage sale for 50 cents and I'm working on that one. It's a good book, but I get stuck with much of the language she uses, but that's probably just me or maybe I should have started witht the first one first??? Hum?
I take it a step further.... I worry about worrying.
QUOTE]
Yeppers! Me too. And sometimes...I even worry about worrying about worrying.
Sad, but true.
Splendra had a good idea in another post where she suggested meditating on the phrase "Let Go and Let God," and then using it when needed. I think worrying - which is 95 percent of the thoughts I have each day, is a good place to put her suggestion to use.
Also, since I'm diving back into Alanon, I'm realizing that the program works for my mental illnesses in the same way it works for my alcoholic situations and thinkings. Last night, I went through the back index of the "Hope for Today" book and found so many topics that fit how I felt right then that I couldn't read even a fourth of them before bed time, but every page helped put my mind at peace.
I shared in my Alanon mtg today, for the second time, about my bipolar illness and a gentleman of around 60 years old spoke to me afterward because he was just diagnosed w/ bp 6 months ago. (The first time I spoke about it in a mtg, right b4 I went into the hospital, I met an Angel sent straight from heaven. She also is bp and has helped me more than anyone in my recovery)
Anyway, my point is that if you are attending Alanon mtgs it might be a wonderful thing to share since you may find that half the room struggles with the same thing. I know having a person in my life who really understands what I'm going through - has been invaluable! If I wouldn't have called her last night, I probably wouldn't have picked up my Alanon book and wouldn't have found that strength at a moment when I needed it the most.
Hugs,
Jenna
P.S. I haven't found a copy of "Co-dependency no more," as of yet, but "I found the second one "Beyond Co-dependency" at a garage sale for 50 cents and I'm working on that one. It's a good book, but I get stuck with much of the language she uses, but that's probably just me or maybe I should have started witht the first one first??? Hum?
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Thanks so much to everybody for replying! I actually talked to my husband a bit about this last night and he's a ton more willing to work with me on this than what I think is healthy for me. But I'm finding it easier to stop worrying just knowing that if I need to call him for some stupid fear that I have....I can and he won't mind.
Anyway I've made an appointment to see a therapist so maybe I can find a more permanent solution. I'll be sure to post any words of wisdom I get.
Shutterbug - Yeah I felt the same way about the wording and in the first book she really does a great job of telling you what she means by certain things. Goodness even the terms "codependent" and "detachment" mean something different now that I have started reading it. Unfortunatley as she puts in it's a lot of shrink jargon so it doesn't tend to mean exactly what it sounds like.
P.S. I didn't even know there was a second book. Yay! I was all prepared to be sad when I finished the first and had nothings more to read.
Anyway I've made an appointment to see a therapist so maybe I can find a more permanent solution. I'll be sure to post any words of wisdom I get.
It's a good book, but I get stuck with much of the language she uses, but that's probably just me or maybe I should have started witht the first one first??? Hum?
P.S. I didn't even know there was a second book. Yay! I was all prepared to be sad when I finished the first and had nothings more to read.
Grace Under Fire
Join Date: May 2002
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Hello there,
I struggle with depression/anxiety/worry also.
Just wanted to put in my two cents about the books,
(I didn't care for Beyond Codependency either) but
she has a book that is a must read for daily living
which is Language of Letting Go. It's peaceful,
calming and spiritual. It just puts everything
into perspective with whatever you may be feeling
worry/fear/guilt/stress/etc. and makes so much
sense. I really love this book.
Hugs,
I struggle with depression/anxiety/worry also.
Just wanted to put in my two cents about the books,
(I didn't care for Beyond Codependency either) but
she has a book that is a must read for daily living
which is Language of Letting Go. It's peaceful,
calming and spiritual. It just puts everything
into perspective with whatever you may be feeling
worry/fear/guilt/stress/etc. and makes so much
sense. I really love this book.
Hugs,
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Up in the Northwest
Posts: 4
Thanks to you Josie for the book information, "Language of Letting Go". I am reading Co-Dependent No More right now and I'll read that next.
I too am having "worry" problems although mine are based on some fact - My dh is leaving his job in a few months. But we do have some plans for a business and savings to live on for awhile. My worry goes way beyond that though. I picture no heat, electricity, food - just like when I was growing up in a divorced/alcoholic home.
And, talk about worry about worrying - I went to my counselor and left my kids with my sister-in-law. I told her where I went and asked her if she could watch the kids every week so I could go. Then I worried that I told her too much!! I called her today to say I was cancelling the appointments because I'm sleeping just fine now and I don't need them. I did this so she wouldn't think I was going. Now I do think I'm going crazy!! I feel depressed about being depressed and I don't want anyone to know. Now, how will I ever find someone to watch the kids so I can get the help I need? I do have one friend I feel I can trust if she's available?
Sister Blues
I too am having "worry" problems although mine are based on some fact - My dh is leaving his job in a few months. But we do have some plans for a business and savings to live on for awhile. My worry goes way beyond that though. I picture no heat, electricity, food - just like when I was growing up in a divorced/alcoholic home.
And, talk about worry about worrying - I went to my counselor and left my kids with my sister-in-law. I told her where I went and asked her if she could watch the kids every week so I could go. Then I worried that I told her too much!! I called her today to say I was cancelling the appointments because I'm sleeping just fine now and I don't need them. I did this so she wouldn't think I was going. Now I do think I'm going crazy!! I feel depressed about being depressed and I don't want anyone to know. Now, how will I ever find someone to watch the kids so I can get the help I need? I do have one friend I feel I can trust if she's available?
Sister Blues
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I dug up a few posts that might help. 
You can tell I've struggled with worry.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...034#post246034
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...661#post307661
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...5408#post35408
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...1136#post21136
You can tell I've struggled with worry.http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...034#post246034
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...661#post307661
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...5408#post35408
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...1136#post21136
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Originally Posted by SisterBlues
I feel depressed about being depressed and I don't want anyone to know. Now, how will I ever find someone to watch the kids so I can get the help I need? I do have one friend I feel I can trust if she's available?
Sister Blues
Sister Blues
Anyhoo about the depression. My husband was just put on Zoloft and I figured he would feel the same way....instead (wonderfully) it's the opposite. He's telling everyone! He doesn't want anyone to be afraid to go for help like he did. He's almost proud of himself. And you know what I'm proud of him too. The way I see it you're using the tools available to fix the problem right? Would you feel the need to hide it if you were calling a plumber to fix your toilet? or going to the doctor for any other medical condition? Of course not. Best Wishes!
Thnaks for the link MG I'll read them right now!
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