Doing the right thing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 40
Doing the right thing
Well, ive tried and people have tried to help me but its time I took a higher dose of my meds every day to stop my horrific paranoid thoughts.
Ive always been scared of medication, because in the end it kills every patient who has to take it, diabetes, liver failure, kidney failure, eye problems, concentration problems etc etc etc etc and of course no useful mind left.
But that's the choice im finally gonna have to take because I want it all numbed out of my mind, the hallucinations, the visions, the flashing lights, the voices, the shapes I see on the ceiling at night moving around, thoughts of covering the walls of my bedroom in my own excrement. And the rest of the thoughts that I aint ever gonna mention to anyone.
I will try to do my job as best I can to earn some money and probably end up in a mental health unit permanently, eventually.
I no longer care what happens to me and there is absolutely no mental fight left in me.
I hope others here can do it without meds that will destroy them, and find natural ways to fight their problems.
I hope this website continues to help people. good luck everyone.
Ive always been scared of medication, because in the end it kills every patient who has to take it, diabetes, liver failure, kidney failure, eye problems, concentration problems etc etc etc etc and of course no useful mind left.
But that's the choice im finally gonna have to take because I want it all numbed out of my mind, the hallucinations, the visions, the flashing lights, the voices, the shapes I see on the ceiling at night moving around, thoughts of covering the walls of my bedroom in my own excrement. And the rest of the thoughts that I aint ever gonna mention to anyone.
I will try to do my job as best I can to earn some money and probably end up in a mental health unit permanently, eventually.
I no longer care what happens to me and there is absolutely no mental fight left in me.
I hope others here can do it without meds that will destroy them, and find natural ways to fight their problems.
I hope this website continues to help people. good luck everyone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,010
Heya 123, what you are suffering sounds indeed horrific. I don't know the meds you will be taking but do hope they help more than they hurt but I know meds are often a mixed blessing at best.
I take an antidepressant and it has helped but it sounds like you are dealing with something much, much harder.
May every good thing come your way.
I take an antidepressant and it has helped but it sounds like you are dealing with something much, much harder.
May every good thing come your way.
paradox
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 665
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I hope your apparent surrender brings you the peace that you seek.
It took me two more trips to a psych ward to accept the fact that I will be on meds indefinitely.
Damn the side effects.
They got better or I got used to them.
Self-medicating with booze gave me side-effects.
Those consequences got worse.
They became unbearable.
For me, acceptance was the key.
I hope your apparent surrender brings you the peace that you seek.
It took me two more trips to a psych ward to accept the fact that I will be on meds indefinitely.
Damn the side effects.
They got better or I got used to them.
Self-medicating with booze gave me side-effects.
Those consequences got worse.
They became unbearable.
For me, acceptance was the key.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
I hope the medications will help. I believe they WILL help. It sounds as if you have reached a point of surrender and are weary of suffering. It sounds like you would like the suffering to stop or at least be LESS.
I held out for many a year being on the depressed side, which turned into bigger depression which turned into just down right feeling miserable and not functioning all that well; not sleeping, or wanting to stay in bed and not even get up in the mornings. MANY things played into it: incomplete grieving, PTSD, hormones, changes, raising teenagers, and on and on. Family dynamics, betrayal, old wounds that hadn't healed. The list goes on of what can contribute to depression just as the lists go on of what can contribute to substance use and abuse.
I WILL tell you that day I finally said to my Dr. "I'm depressed and I need help"; well, I told the nurse first and then the Dr....that moment in time was such a relief. There was no judgment, no condemnation. I don't know WHAT I expected really as a reaction. But I think most folks are more caring and understanding than we realize.
I held out for many a year being on the depressed side, which turned into bigger depression which turned into just down right feeling miserable and not functioning all that well; not sleeping, or wanting to stay in bed and not even get up in the mornings. MANY things played into it: incomplete grieving, PTSD, hormones, changes, raising teenagers, and on and on. Family dynamics, betrayal, old wounds that hadn't healed. The list goes on of what can contribute to depression just as the lists go on of what can contribute to substance use and abuse.
I WILL tell you that day I finally said to my Dr. "I'm depressed and I need help"; well, I told the nurse first and then the Dr....that moment in time was such a relief. There was no judgment, no condemnation. I don't know WHAT I expected really as a reaction. But I think most folks are more caring and understanding than we realize.
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