lost both my parents this year
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: IL
Posts: 8
lost both my parents this year
Grief is a difficult monster.
She is necessary, and healthy, in appropriate amounts. Losing a loved one, particularly a parent, is never an easy thing. My dad was an alcoholic and had health complications, but passed away quickly in his sleep.
He had done AA before he became injured and was doing quite well, sober for about a year. He went back to beer once he became injured, losing mobility and being confined to a wheelchair. Couple this with all of the prescription painkillers he required, and he could be a real zombie sometimes. Other times, he was a really great man. We repaired our relationship as father and daughter in the last years of his life. He also became my friend again. He was 67.
My mother lost the battle with cancer in February of this year. It was her third bout, and this time it was in the bone. This is probably the most difficult thing I have ever endured, but I did my best to take care of her, and get her to appointments. I was with her the most I could be, I did my best.
She was my mother, my best friend, and shared with me her love of gardening. Undoubtedly the strongest woman I have ever known. She was a writer, a photographer, and an avid reader. She quit her job to be able to take care of my father, even though she knew he had his problems. She was so intelligent, I called her my garden encyclopedia. I miss digging around in the Earth and asking her what a specific plant was. I can still hear her yell, "that's not a weed that's NOT a weed!" when I was younger and I'd try to help by clearing some overgrown areas. She was 61.
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I can smell her perfume lingering in the air, as if remnants of a dream. Allure.
I think my biggest problem in drinking to deal with the grief is that it really does not solve anything. I wasn't as bad as I could have been, but a bottle of wine every other night was commonplace for a while afterwards.
I think I feel guiltier in drinking when I know I am drinking out of grief, but it is somewhat of a vicious cycle. I will not drink for a week or two because I truly know it does not solve any problems, and suddenly my emotions will come bubbling up again. I know it is only natural, but it is certainly painful at times. I think the holidays are making it seem a little bit more real, this is my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without them.
When I drink to mask the grief, I only compound it. Not only am I sad because I miss them, but I am sad because I do generally feel quite a bit of guilt over drinking. It is scary, to become washed in grief, but turning to the bottle only prevents it from being let out in a healthier manner, like a good cry.
I have a lot to let go and I know I have to do it sober. I am willing to take this challenge. I do not wish for this experience to cripple me; I wish to become a stronger, more mature young woman. Drinking will only lead into a downward spiral, without being able to let these emotions go.
Day 2 - again. I can do this.
She is necessary, and healthy, in appropriate amounts. Losing a loved one, particularly a parent, is never an easy thing. My dad was an alcoholic and had health complications, but passed away quickly in his sleep.
He had done AA before he became injured and was doing quite well, sober for about a year. He went back to beer once he became injured, losing mobility and being confined to a wheelchair. Couple this with all of the prescription painkillers he required, and he could be a real zombie sometimes. Other times, he was a really great man. We repaired our relationship as father and daughter in the last years of his life. He also became my friend again. He was 67.
My mother lost the battle with cancer in February of this year. It was her third bout, and this time it was in the bone. This is probably the most difficult thing I have ever endured, but I did my best to take care of her, and get her to appointments. I was with her the most I could be, I did my best.
She was my mother, my best friend, and shared with me her love of gardening. Undoubtedly the strongest woman I have ever known. She was a writer, a photographer, and an avid reader. She quit her job to be able to take care of my father, even though she knew he had his problems. She was so intelligent, I called her my garden encyclopedia. I miss digging around in the Earth and asking her what a specific plant was. I can still hear her yell, "that's not a weed that's NOT a weed!" when I was younger and I'd try to help by clearing some overgrown areas. She was 61.
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I can smell her perfume lingering in the air, as if remnants of a dream. Allure.
I think my biggest problem in drinking to deal with the grief is that it really does not solve anything. I wasn't as bad as I could have been, but a bottle of wine every other night was commonplace for a while afterwards.
I think I feel guiltier in drinking when I know I am drinking out of grief, but it is somewhat of a vicious cycle. I will not drink for a week or two because I truly know it does not solve any problems, and suddenly my emotions will come bubbling up again. I know it is only natural, but it is certainly painful at times. I think the holidays are making it seem a little bit more real, this is my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without them.
When I drink to mask the grief, I only compound it. Not only am I sad because I miss them, but I am sad because I do generally feel quite a bit of guilt over drinking. It is scary, to become washed in grief, but turning to the bottle only prevents it from being let out in a healthier manner, like a good cry.
I have a lot to let go and I know I have to do it sober. I am willing to take this challenge. I do not wish for this experience to cripple me; I wish to become a stronger, more mature young woman. Drinking will only lead into a downward spiral, without being able to let these emotions go.
Day 2 - again. I can do this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,195
I am so sorry for your profound loss of your parents in such a short time frame. 
I self-medicated too for many years, and finally got sober at age 28. I had no idea how to handle any of my feelings once I got to rehab.
I know that for me, rehab was a lifesaver. It gave me a running start to recovery. Once I was out, I became very active in AA/NA. I have a wonderful support system (face-to-face and here at SR) who have walked with me through some incredibly difficult and painful times in my sobriety.
All of my sponsors have had double-digit years sober. My current sponsor is double-winner, AA and Alanon.
Find something that works for you, hon. There are so many paths to sobriety. AA is what has worked for me. There is rational recovery and many others. It seems a lot of folks take bits and pieces from all the recovery methods and it works for them.
Gentle hugs of support to you!
I self-medicated too for many years, and finally got sober at age 28. I had no idea how to handle any of my feelings once I got to rehab.
I know that for me, rehab was a lifesaver. It gave me a running start to recovery. Once I was out, I became very active in AA/NA. I have a wonderful support system (face-to-face and here at SR) who have walked with me through some incredibly difficult and painful times in my sobriety.
All of my sponsors have had double-digit years sober. My current sponsor is double-winner, AA and Alanon.
Find something that works for you, hon. There are so many paths to sobriety. AA is what has worked for me. There is rational recovery and many others. It seems a lot of folks take bits and pieces from all the recovery methods and it works for them.
Gentle hugs of support to you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Santa Ana, CA
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by cloudwatcher 
Grief is a difficult monster.
She is necessary, and healthy, in appropriate amounts. Losing a loved one, particularly a parent, is never an easy thing. My dad was an alcoholic and had health complications, but passed away quickly in his sleep.
He had done AA before he became injured and was doing quite well, sober for about a year. He went back to beer once he became injured, losing mobility and being confined to a wheelchair. Couple this with all of the prescription painkillers he required, and he could be a real zombie sometimes. Other times, he was a really great man. We repaired our relationship as father and daughter in the last years of his life. He also became my friend again. He was 67.
My mother lost the battle with cancer in February of this year. It was her third bout, and this time it was in the bone. This is probably the most difficult thing I have ever endured, but I did my best to take care of her, and get her to appointments. I was with her the most I could be, I did my best.
She was my mother, my best friend, and shared with me her love of gardening. Undoubtedly the strongest woman I have ever known. She was a writer, a photographer, and an avid reader. She quit her job to be able to take care of my father, even though she knew he had his problems. She was so intelligent, I called her my garden encyclopedia. I miss digging around in the Earth and asking her what a specific plant was. I can still hear her yell, "that's not a weed that's NOT a weed!" when I was younger and I'd try to help by clearing some overgrown areas. She was 61.
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I can smell her perfume lingering in the air, as if remnants of a dream. Allure.
I think my biggest problem in drinking to deal with the grief is that it really does not solve anything. I wasn't as bad as I could have been, but a bottle of wine every other night was commonplace for a while afterwards.
I think I feel guiltier in drinking when I know I am drinking out of grief, but it is somewhat of a vicious cycle. I will not drink for a week or two because I truly know it does not solve any problems, and suddenly my emotions will come bubbling up again. I know it is only natural, but it is certainly painful at times. I think the holidays are making it seem a little bit more real, this is my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without them.
When I drink to mask the grief, I only compound it. Not only am I sad because I miss them, but I am sad because I do generally feel quite a bit of guilt over drinking. It is scary, to become washed in grief, but turning to the bottle only prevents it from being let out in a healthier manner, like a good cry.
I have a lot to let go and I know I have to do it sober. I am willing to take this challenge. I do not wish for this experience to cripple me; I wish to become a stronger, more mature young woman. Drinking will only lead into a downward spiral, without being able to let these emotions go.
Day 2 - again. I can do this.
She is necessary, and healthy, in appropriate amounts. Losing a loved one, particularly a parent, is never an easy thing. My dad was an alcoholic and had health complications, but passed away quickly in his sleep.
He had done AA before he became injured and was doing quite well, sober for about a year. He went back to beer once he became injured, losing mobility and being confined to a wheelchair. Couple this with all of the prescription painkillers he required, and he could be a real zombie sometimes. Other times, he was a really great man. We repaired our relationship as father and daughter in the last years of his life. He also became my friend again. He was 67.
My mother lost the battle with cancer in February of this year. It was her third bout, and this time it was in the bone. This is probably the most difficult thing I have ever endured, but I did my best to take care of her, and get her to appointments. I was with her the most I could be, I did my best.
She was my mother, my best friend, and shared with me her love of gardening. Undoubtedly the strongest woman I have ever known. She was a writer, a photographer, and an avid reader. She quit her job to be able to take care of my father, even though she knew he had his problems. She was so intelligent, I called her my garden encyclopedia. I miss digging around in the Earth and asking her what a specific plant was. I can still hear her yell, "that's not a weed that's NOT a weed!" when I was younger and I'd try to help by clearing some overgrown areas. She was 61.
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I can smell her perfume lingering in the air, as if remnants of a dream. Allure.
I think my biggest problem in drinking to deal with the grief is that it really does not solve anything. I wasn't as bad as I could have been, but a bottle of wine every other night was commonplace for a while afterwards.
I think I feel guiltier in drinking when I know I am drinking out of grief, but it is somewhat of a vicious cycle. I will not drink for a week or two because I truly know it does not solve any problems, and suddenly my emotions will come bubbling up again. I know it is only natural, but it is certainly painful at times. I think the holidays are making it seem a little bit more real, this is my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without them.
When I drink to mask the grief, I only compound it. Not only am I sad because I miss them, but I am sad because I do generally feel quite a bit of guilt over drinking. It is scary, to become washed in grief, but turning to the bottle only prevents it from being let out in a healthier manner, like a good cry.
I have a lot to let go and I know I have to do it sober. I am willing to take this challenge. I do not wish for this experience to cripple me; I wish to become a stronger, more mature young woman. Drinking will only lead into a downward spiral, without being able to let these emotions go.
Day 2 - again. I can do this.
So sorry for your losses, parents are the most valuable gift to us and no one can fulfill their places. And loosing them in such small interval is a real pain. I just hate this alcohol, I lost my uncle because of it
and his loss was irreversible, so its my request to all the addicted to minimize it as much as possible. I would lie if I say I don't drink, it works magic in pain but I am controlling and restricting myself from having it.
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