ADS20012012

After being diagnosed with Bi-Polar II disorder 2 months ago, and now trying to become more educated with the disorder, does Bi-Polar cause you to be more selfish?? My wife has had a hard time wrapping her head around this. Understandable, I get it, but one of the recurring discussions/arguments we seem to keep having is that I'm more selfish because of Bi-Polar. She can't act a certain way because of how it might effect me, I can't go do certain activities because of how it might effect my anxiety and so on...

It doesn't seem right to me because I'm seeking the proper help, (psychistrist, meds) and not self medicating(lots of alcohol) , but it keeps coming back to that same area. Bi-Polar being more selfish.

Also has anybody read "The Bi-Polar handbook" by Wes Burgess?? If so, any reviews would help. I get paid this week and I'm thinking about buying the book.

ClayTheScribe

It seems to me she is projecting her insecurities onto you and that is unhealthy. You didn't just suddenly become bi-polar, you've been that way for some time, maybe your whole life, you're just getting the proper diagnosis now (which is mostly a big deal in terms of meds only). So if you were selfish, it's because you were so for a long time, before you even met her likely. Being bi-polar doesn't automatically mean you're selfish. I'm probably bi-polar II and no one in my life would describe me as selfish. That's often a character flaw which has to do with genetics and how you were raised than neurochemicals from a mood disorder. Having a mood disorder can make you more self-absorbed, but not necessarily more selfish. If you were truly selfish, you would not be posting this message online. I've known bi-polar people who often are wrapped up in their egos and their problems, but they're very compassionate, considerate and willing to help. And it sounds like the reasons she's giving to you is her way of expressing how she is afraid and uncomfortable about this new diagnosis, that she is afraid of seeming selfish in the relationship so she's putting it on you. Y'all need to have a conversation. She needs to tell you her insecurities, fears and boundaries and you need to do the same and with love and compassion. DO NOT have this conversation when you are both angry or in the middle of an argument. Only when you can approach her calmly about this. Just ask her what's going on and that you're willing to learn. Leave no stone unturned and make sure you both say everything that's on your mind with compassion, even if it stings. The light of day is the greatest disinfectant as they say and the truth + love can heal. Care for her, love her, but make sure she knows how exactly she can support you and that you'll get through this together. Being diagnosed doesn't mean you need to change your life drastically or hers either, it just means you have new definitions and guidelines for your life.

And for the love of God, if you're not in therapy now, find an addictions counselor immediately. They will help a GREAT deal with all of this. Anyone who's had mental illness for long will tell you meds alone aren't enough. And look into DBT, maybe even ask your wife to take some DBT classes with you. Sounds like she could use them.

ADS20012012

Wow. Thank you very much! That insight is great and I will take it to heart. Your right about having new definitions and guidelines. It will take time to understand, but it will work out in the end. Thanks again!!

candi7

I have a best friend who is bi-polar 2 and I may also be bi-polar because we are soooo much alike... I don't see that just because someone is bi-polar that they are selfish... but addicts are selfish in nature... that's just what we were... and that's what caused all our problems...

And you are absolutely right to seek help for your mental health, I have too and have to wait till I'm at 6 months sobriety before they will formally diagnose me, they are treating my anxiety for now and that's been great-but I needed the extra help to be able to function without alcohol.

Best of luck friend!

NWGRITS

This is my first post in this section of SR. Figure it's time I start addressing my bi-polar in addition to being an ACoA. So, I am bi-polar and have had issues with selfishness, laziness, lack of responsibility, yadayadayada. But-- I do know that they are two separate things. There's the bipolar, and there's the traits of my AM that I developed growing up in an alcoholic home. I don't think of the two as one in the same, because they definitely aren't. I could easily try to blame my bi-polar on growing up with an AM in the house, and I could blame my character flaws on my bi-polar. I agree with what's already been mention in re: how to approach it with your wife. Just try to keep your wits about you, and don't forget to breathe!

crazybabie

I found it helpful for family members to attend NAMI National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, to attend their 6 week course and learn all they can about the disorder they learn how to help their loved one and importantly their self as well.

Your wife could possibly benefit from such a program or from a support group.
I have a diagnosis of bipolar and was caring for one of my children who has a diagnosis of schizoaffective and went as a caretaker and a consumer.

dox

Let me start by saying that i used to be a right selfish #######.

I am bipolar; they called me manic depressive when i was diagnosed. I am also a recovering alcoholic. My programme of recovery has definitely helped me to behave far less selfishly. My wife often compliments me, now, on my behaviour. When I was drinking, our relationship nearly ended as a direct result of my selfishness.

I am still bipolar.

I don't drink.

Strictly speaking for myself here: Active Alcoholism seems to have been far more of a cause of my selfishness. Otherwise, how could I have learned to be selfless in so many ways?

Still learning,

~dox

James007

When I hear any of these generalizations about bipolar , addiction or alcoholism I just want to loose my lunch.

The one I always jump all over out there is " all alcoholics are liers , dishonest , selfish ... "

Who is dreaming this stuff up ? Did they read some scientific studys I missed ?

I have the bipolar label on me due to my sleep patters, energy levels and emotional patterns ect. Thats all it means, Its not who I am.

To many people internalize these labels and they almost become who they are as a person or they start saying "my brain sais" like its a seperate entity thats broken or its there alter ego or something. Don't let this happen to you.

As far as reading books and "symptom searching" be careful, that can add to the above and start almost a form of hypocondria, read at your own risk with that in mind.

Anyway with all that said, bipolar has nothing to do with selfish !!