Habiba

I'm new here and I am struggling with alcoholism.

I am one of those people that when confronted with something, I retaliate in defence mode. I get my back up before I understand the issue.

I am defensive all of the time. Its like a constant coping mechanism.

I also have no memories before I was 7 years old, and very few between the ages of 7 and 10. I saw a psychologist once, years ago. It was to try and help the marriage to my abusive ex husband (still ex). Apparently something traumatic happened and I have blocked it out.

I have felt certain triggers. If a strange man is too close, I get really nervous. I can not be near a man unless I have an "escape route". I am happily married now, and I love my husband dearly, but this subject is a no no for me. Even discussing it gets me on edge.

So, my question is, will exploring my issues help with recovery, or should I just leave it alone?

candi7

I'm in AA program and the 12 steps helps much, but they are not your mental health doctors-I've had to go after help that way and that's what works for me

C105

I hear you. Those memories will gain strength for most of us as we continue to add more sober days. If you've read anything on the way memory is stored, it makes sense. Memories aren't all in one place in your head, they're in little dibs and dabs along neurochemical pathways - pathways that drinking destroys. As you sober up, those pathways are laid down again, accessing those memories, or so the neurochemists in my life tell me. Having those memories is actually a sign you're getting healthier, which probably doesn't help you, does it?
Although you didn't mention your background, I found a lot of comfort in reading the Adult Children of Alcoholics literature (which also covers anyone who grew up in a dysfunctional family, not only alcoholic ones.) And YES, find a therapist, particularly one that works with dysfunctional family issues.

zanzibar

I agree with C105 in that the memories are coming out because you are healing. Seeing a therapist is a good idea.

In my experience they will pinpoint the actual trauma but instead of drawing out each memory they will normally help you develope coping mechanisms to deal with the triggers. I'm currently going through therapy to bring out my repressed memories but only because they are causing me problems due to other reasons but it has been explained to me that normally it's sometimes better to let sleeping dogs lie and deal with what's causing problems only.

But definately see a therapist with experience in this area. Everyone is different so only a professional can tell for sure what you need. I don't know how long you've been sober, but don't be surprized if the they attach a predetermined sober time to when they'll start therapy.

Be sure to let us know how you make out.

NewLou

Hi Habiba - I don't know how long you are in recovery, but if you're in early recovery - even up to 4 or 5 years, issues like this can be harmful to your recovery. I can only go on the advice I was given in treatment, which I agree with - and that's maybe to shelve the issue until you are stronger. This doesn't mean ignoring it or not dealing with, but just putting it to one side while you concentrate on your recovery and getting to know the person you are now. It's only a suggestion based on my experience, and when you are stronger then you can open it up any time with someone you feel safe with. The choice is always there for you to place it back on the shelf if it's getting too hard and pick it up again later