Lilya

Tammie,

Thanks for the hug. Here is one coming right back to you. And I actually followed your advice and am drinking your garlic broth. It´s hot, but good. I can feel it.

My advice for clear thinking is simple: Yoga. Just simple postures, and if you don´t know how, try meditating. Sit with your spine straight in front of a candle or a crystal and look at it. Think simply: "I breath in, I breath out," and breath with it. Five minutes is enough at first, then go for 7-9 minutes. Don´t prolong it. This is all you need, but it has to be done every day. After a week you will feel so much difference.

I calculate or do what we call in French "Réussite." You take cards and pile them up in a pattern and then you try to make it work. I don´t know the word in English, but I´m sure you know what it means. It´s very soothing and it´s good for concentration.

I intend to take a vacation! I will go to either Cuba or the Grand Canaria after Christmas. Definately massage at the beach and luxury hotels. I think of that when I feel overworked.

This has been a difficult year with my aunt´s death, my father´s illness and detoriation, family conflicts and too much work. I had the house full of relatives, screaming at each other or crying. Can you imagine?

Thanks for the support. I don´t feel as lonely. Now to bed and sleep!

Big hugs,

2stop

Thank you so much for those suggestions. I will try them immediately!! I pray you sleep well and that angels rest upon your pillow........

Lilya

I did sleep exceptionally well, Tammie. An angel came and rested by my side, thanks to you. The day was not bad at all and I even stopped at the docs and had him check me. Nothing is wrong, he says. So I´m going to sleep early as I have to get up early for a Radio interview life.

It´s funny how the mind works. Yesterday I felt so fragile and weak, I felt as if a truck had gone over me and that my body was in thousand pieces. Someone called me, it was a wrong number, but it was a mother who thought I was her babysitter who had run away with her child. "Julie!" she screamed. "Do you want to be killed? I´m sending two guys over to break your arms." I tried to tell her I was not Julie her babysitter from hell, but she got crazier every second. I was so scared, I thought my heart would stop. I told her I was recording the phonecall and the police would be at her door every second. Finally she hung up. It shook me up, I can tell you that!

Now I feel quite calm. How are you? Better, I hope?

2stop

Oh Lilya...I am doing better, but everything around me is falling apart....I had a premoniton a month or so ago that if something happened and we have to move from here, the loan doesn't come through, to be grateful and give praise for the little slice of heaven I was able to see. It may not have lasted long, but it would be eternity for the mother in Africa that died in dirt hut with child by her side, it would be eternity in heaven for a Palestinian mother to have running water, a back yard like a secret garden, When all is said and done I have lived a lot in heaven and have so many resources here. Resources so many in foreign lands might never know....I pray to God I keep this strength.....I am on my knees! I am scared, I am sad, but I am alive...and while at the moment I am bent....I refuse to break...I may land up in the fetal position on the floor for a year.....but I WILL stand up again..and I will fight until God sees fit to take my breathe and life. I feel that supernatural strength at work again..and I know it is my HP carrying me through that which I with my physical awarenesses and expectations cannot. I was able to have a good talk with my husband earlier....I shared with him that we must look within for the solutions to what we are facing. We cannot force the answer we want when destiny says..take the other street. That is how I am looking at this tonight.....I very well may have to pick up our belongings and walk down another street. and I will trust that my life path, as guided by my HP takes me down the exact street it intends me to be on.

Thanks for being here you guys. I was afraid I wouldn't make it this morning. Oh I was so depressed, but I talked to my HP and said teach me. I don't know what to do. I know my HP placed you all in my path and on my street for a very special reason.

Lilya

((((((Tammie)))))

You know inside that you´re strong and you know you will make it through this crisis.

Is there any reason the loan will not come through?

Remember what Dalai Lama said when the Chinese invaded Tibet: "If you there is a solution to the problem, why worry?
If there is no solution, why worry?"

And Descartes: "Wheather I´m awake or asleep, a square has always four sides and 2 and 2 equal 4."

These quotes reminds me to do the footwork, and leave the rest to God. It´s out of our hands. We have no power over the problem, when we have done our absolute very best.

Love and light,

2stop

Thank you Lilya, I am feeling much better at the moment. I have been doing the breathing in and out and just being aware. I have stretched and will do yoga tonight, I have read my NA book. I talked on the phone to the heater repair people..and I just prepared homemade Spanish Rice, green leaf salad, griller sandwiches..and black cherry ice cream for desert. My son devoured the rice dish and says he wants to take the left overs to his teacher, it made me feel really good. I have done some housework and am looking forward to just relaxing tonight. Hope you are relaxing right now, and looking forward to the completion of the week!!

Mamabear

Hi everyone.

Tammie, you're doing an awesome job. Being aware is wondeful, isn't it? I love to celebrate those moments of awareness....and sometimes my moods cooperate and I can even feel them!!! Yesterday and today have been days like that for me. My daughter's field hockey team won the 1st round of state competition (after quadruple overtime!), my parents came to see the game with my husband and me , and here in PA it was 77 degrees yesterday. (Two roses bloomed in my yard in Nov)
I took a step back and allowed myself to relish in the moment and savor it as I watched her run down the field. What a gift from God. A year ago she had a tumor removed from her femur. This year she starts on her team. I am so very grateful to just see her run. And I know my parents won't be around forever. I just looked at them and for a charmed moment, all felt right with the world.
Gosh. I've felt so much pain for so long. I think I forgot what this feels like. Since you all have heard the negative stuff I thought I's share the good, too.
Lilya, I hope you're resting amidst your whirlwind.
((((Mamabear))))

Lilya

Girls,

I´m just checking in to get a breather from my crazily busy schedule. The festival is in the makings and the interviews, speeches, writing programmes, TV, Radio... I will crash on Sunday.

Mamabear, I´ve missed you! I´m glad to hear from you. I´m glad you re feeling a bit better. Small steps, remember.

Send me positive thoughts, I sure need them!

Love to you all,

Mamabear

Glad the festival is going well, Lilya. Are you able to keep food in you now?

Small steps....I get it....I think.
My son just called and he's doing well. He's taking a look at his drinking and has cut it way down for several weeks. I've decided to say "Uh huh" and move on to other conversation. I felt detached and a bit guilt about it. Yet, something was right about it too.
S'all for now
Mamabear

Juls

Mamabear,

I am so happy to hear about your daughter. That is awesome what she is doing. It's good for her to get the limelight. I am proud of you also for being able to detach from your son. Those twinges of guilt are normal, and you will probably always have them, but you have come so far since you first came here.

Tammie, I'm glad to hear you are feeling better, your meal sounds terrific. Tonite we are having crab because it is my daughter's b'day week.

Lilya keep getting as much rest as you can.

Juls