RockyGirl

I haven't cut, or self harmed in any way for nearly 8 months now, although I think about it almost daily and today, now...I have an overwhelming urge to cut but I can't find any of my old blades I don't know what to do

the fuzziness has started in my head again and i'm so scared...

my best friends, the people I always depend upon (my parents) are away on holiday this week and I miss them so so much, I need them here with me but I can't call them to tell them how I feel because it would ruin their holiday and they deserve so much to have fun and relax after all i've put them through...

I feel like such a failure after all the progress I thought I was making I just feel like giving up again I feel so weak...I just wish my mum and dad were with me...

Astro

Please don't give up RG, there are no failures in recovery as long as we keep reaching out for help and support.

There's information here on self-injury http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lf-injury.html

and please, please if you feel like giving up http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-suicidal.html

RockyGirl

Thanks Astro...but I don't know how many times I can think i'm getting better just to be thrown off the ladder again...I know it's gonna happen every time I start feeling positive I know in the end it'll end in misery and thats no way to live...I feel so, so guilty...my parents deserve a better daughter not a sh*t one like me.

I'm pathetic, i'm so tired all the time and can't be bothered to do anything, even take care of my self, wash and eat properly...they just seem like mundane things...

i'm sorry...

Astro

I'm a parent. We don't create sh*t. I hope you can find a way to be gentler on yourself. In the meantime, let others love you until you can love yourself.

Believe808

RockyGirl, you can and will get through this, just keep posting. You are not pathetic, you are just an addict and when uncomfortable you do the same as I do, you reach for something that will ease the pain. But you can get through it without cutting or hurting yourself. Please feel free to PM me. I believe you are a good person and you will get through this.

Believe808

Like Astro just posted you are not sh*t, God does not create sh*t and you are a precious gift, don't forget that. You are loved and yes let others love you until you can love yourself.

RockyGirl

I know my mum and dad love me and they're the only people I truly. truly trust...thats why I need them so much and why I feel so weak...i'm sorry :-(

Thank you...you are both very kind...I just thought I was getting past all of this crap and it's just not fair...none of it

Morning Glory

Can you call and talk to your therapist Aimee?

RockyGirl

They're not there at nighttimes

Believe808

You are the only one who can change your life, to create a positive attitude. Sobriety gives that to us, I was never positive, never thought I was good or even good enough, I was so negative and down on myself. Today I choose to be happy, I find something I am grateful for each day, even if it is that I am breathing.

Believe808

Thanks MG, I enjoyed watching that.

RockyGirl

I try and have been trying so hard and I thought I was getting somewhere...I think i'd be okay if my mum and dad were here...I think i'm just going to take my Olanzapine and Diazepam and try to get some sleep...maybe things will be better in the morning...

thank you all for your kindness :praying

Believe808

I find that when I am so low that praying always gives me the strength to get through whatever is getting me down. I will say prayers for you RG.

RockyGirl

Thank you, and please call me Aimee. Thank you

Believe808

Okay Aimee, and my name is Donna but friends on the board call me "Bee"

eoghanacht

RockyGirl, hey. I just came across your post, sorry that I haven't posted, I was'nt on the forums earlier, have been looking at interesting stuff on the net. sorry.
Ok first, I go with what others have said. You're not a s**t, even if you think or feel like that.
I think (not 100% certain)-that there are helplines you can call, day or night.. I know about the Samaritans, but also, in my town (in england)-there is a local line that is available for those that are having emotional/mental distress. I'm just thinking as well as hoping that there is the same for Brighton..?

Take care please

me

RockyGirl

thank you Bee :-) I am feeling much more positive today which is a relief...I am having some friends over today as well so they will be able to keep me company...thank you very much for your support last night it really does mean a lot to me :-)

Hi, please don't apologize, it's nice that you made time to post on this thread for me! There are certain people I could call but then i'm afraid I'd have to go back in hospital and it would ruin mum and dads holiday... like I said above I am feeling more positive today which is good...I will be doing some CBT stuff today as well to help like thought diaries and reading through my relapse prevention plan that me and my therapist made for me.

Thank you again for your help and concern!

Aimee

Believe808

Hi Aimee, I'm so glad you are feeling better today. I'm so glad that feeling passed. Keep your chin up and enjoy your day.

Astro

Good morning Aimee, it made me smile to hear that you're having friends over today, and I'm sure you're a treasured friend for them to have. You're taking small recovery steps and making progress, that's what it's all about.

RockyGirl

Thank you both so much, you have no idea how much your support and kindness helps me...it helps me to beleive in people again and see that there is a future and I have to keep on going...

thank you so much again both of you! There are only a few people like you in the world, and I am lucky to have spoken to you!

Thanks!!
Aimee