RockyGirl

Why is it that sometimes I can feel sort of fine and begin to think, maybe I don't need therapy etc, Then the depression comes back to get me...and I can't even begin to imagine how I ever thought that I could get back to what is 'normal'

Every things just getting worse...I keep having dreams about death and cutting myself again...even stabbing myself.

I keep having these higher beliefs and delusions that I can fly and do these really impressive back flips ( I do this when I'm awake and asleep and it's usually when i'm 'high)

I'm so paranoid and stressed all the time.

Last night I went shopping with my parents and my anxiety got so bad I was nearly in tears just thinking about the way my brother smiles and walks...no reason for it by the way, my bro is only 21 and is fine as far as I know...that's another thing I keep thinking about people dying and I HATE it...it makes me feel sick and cry and stressed and really overprotective of my family.

I always think no one understands me and I think my therapist doesn't beleive me when I say i'm not well in the head...because I can feel that I'm not right in the head I can just feel it.

The depression is awful, I don't want to do anything or be anywhere...sometimes I don't even want to live I just don't care.

Then if I feel high I go out and waste all my money on things I don't need, I do this weird mental smile and laughing thing and I'm like an immature little kid...


I'm just so lost...And I think i'm going to have to go back to work soon and I'm just so anxious because I know it's going to ruin my progress (even though personally I feel like i'm getting worse) My therapist tried to convince me otherwise when I was there and said I was worrying/over-thinking things.

Sometimes when I close my eyes I have these really vivid visions and they make me twitch and stuff and if I'm really anxious my hands can sort of freeze up and my toes all curl over...this happens in public too...seriously...do I sound like i'm ready to face the idiots in my job?? I'm so scared that something big is gonna happen I'm so scared I just don't know what to do


Sorry but thank you for listening to my long and drawn out rant...or if you didn't read it then sorry because I know it's really too long!

By the way I'm on Citalopram 20 mgs daily and Olanzapine (Zyprexa) 10 mgs daily.

--- Aimee

stone

Hi Aimee, you mention depression and being "high" too, I am assuming you are bi-polar?

I had a schizophrenic breakdown that I eventually recovered from (some people do) so I know the fear and anxiety of having weird thoughts and paranoia. I just wanted you to know.

Lynxster

Hey Aimee, when you say you're high, do you mean you are "using" or just on a high? Have you told your therapist about the delusions and paranoria? He may want to adjust your medication, or consider seeking a second opinion. Please don't do anything to hurt yourself, you can find people here to talk to anytime. Good Luck! Lynx

yeahgr8

Sorry Aimee I don't have much advice for you! Wishing you well though :ghug3

Cliff

RockyGirl

Hi,

I am 'presumed Bipolar'...They said they can't properly diagnose me until I'm an 'established adult' (I'm 18 at the moment)

Thank you for telling me this...it is good to know that I'm not alone...although it's sometimes very hard not to think this.

I'm so glad you recovered you must be a very strong person!

Thank you!

High as in one of my highs of bipolar...I haven't used since I was 14.

My therapist knows about my paranoia and I'm having Cognitive Behavior therapy at the moment. He doesn't know about my delusions because they are happening quite recently and I'm just trying to get used to them...they sometimes really scare me and even give me palpitations.

Thank you for your kind words...I am just about coping at the moment!

Thank you for your words, they warm me :-)


Thank you all

historyteach

Hi, Aimee,
I'm surprised to hear you say they won't diagnose you until you're an "established" adult in England. They have diagnosed 2 year olds here in the USA with bipolar disorder!

Please read the stickies at the top of the forum. You will find much information that may be helpful for you.

There's also a fun and helpful thread titled bi polar town. Here's the link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-pt-iii-5.html
I hope you'll join us for information and fun sharing.

In any case, I hope you'll continue to come, share and join our group. Taking care of yourself, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually and learning all you can about your illness can help you deal most effectively and lead a full and happy life. And that's what we're about here.

Shalom!

stone

Thanks. I was just lucky.