Self injury question
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Location: Littleton, Co.
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Self injury question
My 17 year old stepson has been depressed for awhile now. 2 years ago he was suicidal over a break up with a girl. Then again a few months ago over another break-up.
He was in therapy after the first break-up and the psychiatrist said he was at a high enough risk that we needed to hide all medicine and lock up anything he could harm himself with.
This last time his dad yelled at him and said he was weak and worthless. This I'm sure broke his heart. His dad told hime to hand over his keys get HIMSELF into therapy etc... Nothing ever materialized. His mother said that it was normal for teens to feel this way after a break up.
While my stepson was away on vacation with his mom over the 4th he began having chest pains and was taken to the hospital. It turned out to be a panic attack. But when the doctor had him lift his shirt he found cuts all over Brandons chest. These cuts are healed and it does not look like he has cut himself recently. But then again he and his girlfriend are back together.
Needless to say I am extremely worried about him. I don't think his parents are taking it seriously- it fact his mother wasn't even going to tell us. It was his grandma that called and told me.
I have suffered from depression and know how it feels and was hopitalized on a suicide watch for 2 weeks about 10 years ago. I know how awful it can be. I am now treated for clinical depression.
His mom does'nt want him on any medication, she thinks it will just magically go away.
Can anyone here give me advise on how to handle this? Any comments will be appreciated.
He was in therapy after the first break-up and the psychiatrist said he was at a high enough risk that we needed to hide all medicine and lock up anything he could harm himself with.
This last time his dad yelled at him and said he was weak and worthless. This I'm sure broke his heart. His dad told hime to hand over his keys get HIMSELF into therapy etc... Nothing ever materialized. His mother said that it was normal for teens to feel this way after a break up.
While my stepson was away on vacation with his mom over the 4th he began having chest pains and was taken to the hospital. It turned out to be a panic attack. But when the doctor had him lift his shirt he found cuts all over Brandons chest. These cuts are healed and it does not look like he has cut himself recently. But then again he and his girlfriend are back together.
Needless to say I am extremely worried about him. I don't think his parents are taking it seriously- it fact his mother wasn't even going to tell us. It was his grandma that called and told me.
I have suffered from depression and know how it feels and was hopitalized on a suicide watch for 2 weeks about 10 years ago. I know how awful it can be. I am now treated for clinical depression.
His mom does'nt want him on any medication, she thinks it will just magically go away.
Can anyone here give me advise on how to handle this? Any comments will be appreciated.
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It is normal for a teenager to be depressed after a relationship breakup, but it IS NOT normal for them to self-harm. This child needs to be in therapy and perhaps put on an anti-depressant. Perhaps, now that he is back with his girlfriend, his mental attitude has improved to the point that he would be agreeable to therapy. Cutting can be very dangerous and the underlying reasons for it need to be discovered and dealt with.
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I agree with Suki. He may be more agreeable to it now that he is in a better state of mind. The problem is, can you bring this up with his father without offending anyone? Not that you should be so concerned over this that you don't try; his life could very well be at stake. But, at the same time, if you come across too harsh with his dad, it could lead to nothing more than a big argument. I don't know what the best strategy would be; but this is definitely something to consider. Whatever you do, make sure he gets the help he needs.
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Originally Posted by ladyamalthea 
I agree with Suki. He may be more agreeable to it now that he is in a better state of mind. The problem is, can you bring this up with his father without offending anyone? Not that you should be so concerned over this that you don't try; his life could very well be at stake. But, at the same time, if you come across too harsh with his dad, it could lead to nothing more than a big argument. I don't know what the best strategy would be; but this is definitely something to consider. Whatever you do, make sure he gets the help he needs.
I am a bit worried about how the converstion will go. I talked to his dad on the phone a few minutes ago and told him I was seeking advise on this matter and he said something about crazy psycho sh*t. I know he is scared and worried, but it also makes him mad.
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
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I think it is a good idea that you are going to talk to him about it.
I don't think depression in teens is normal, I think it has become
the acceptable thing these days, as has cutting. You would be
surprised how many teens cut.
Most teens cut as a coping method, they don't know how else to
cope with the feelings going on.
It's typical in a family for the father who does not know what to do
to "Yell" at their kid and think they can yell them out of their self
harm, depression etc. especially using words such as worthless and
weak, when what they are actually doing is validating the feelings
the teen already has about themselves.
One of the reasons for cutting is because it takes away those feelings,
for just a little bit. The cutting actually produces endorphins, which
eventually becomes addicting, and becomes the way that they cope
with everything.
In my experience with myself and the thousands of kids I've talked to
over the years this Will Not go away on it's own usually, unless they
get some help or talk to someone about it. There are some kids
who do stop, but not usually. Until they learn new ways to cope,
the behaviors do not stop. But once they do learn, then the cutting
does eventually stop. But it is not something you can take 'away from
them' or yell them out of scare, scare them out of, etc....
I think it's great you are pressing this issue! Good for you.
I found this article I have that you may want to print and show to his
Dad before he talks to him.
If it were my husband I would be firm and point blank. He can be a
teen who gets help with the support of his family, or he can be a 30 year
old who is still cutting and still trying to solve this problem.
Why not try and help him now.
One of the scariest things in the world to a teen is to be addicted to
"cutting yourself". Don't think he doesn't know it's wrong, or thåt he
doesn' t feel like a freak. If he knew how to stop he wouldn't have
scars all over his chest.
And the sad thing is, he will have the scars for the rest of his life.
They do fade over time, but they are still there, even long after you've
stopped.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Just my opinions and experience in here btw...
I don't think depression in teens is normal, I think it has become
the acceptable thing these days, as has cutting. You would be
surprised how many teens cut.
Most teens cut as a coping method, they don't know how else to
cope with the feelings going on.
It's typical in a family for the father who does not know what to do
to "Yell" at their kid and think they can yell them out of their self
harm, depression etc. especially using words such as worthless and
weak, when what they are actually doing is validating the feelings
the teen already has about themselves.
One of the reasons for cutting is because it takes away those feelings,
for just a little bit. The cutting actually produces endorphins, which
eventually becomes addicting, and becomes the way that they cope
with everything.
In my experience with myself and the thousands of kids I've talked to
over the years this Will Not go away on it's own usually, unless they
get some help or talk to someone about it. There are some kids
who do stop, but not usually. Until they learn new ways to cope,
the behaviors do not stop. But once they do learn, then the cutting
does eventually stop. But it is not something you can take 'away from
them' or yell them out of scare, scare them out of, etc....
I think it's great you are pressing this issue! Good for you.
I found this article I have that you may want to print and show to his
Dad before he talks to him.
If it were my husband I would be firm and point blank. He can be a
teen who gets help with the support of his family, or he can be a 30 year
old who is still cutting and still trying to solve this problem.
Why not try and help him now.
One of the scariest things in the world to a teen is to be addicted to
"cutting yourself". Don't think he doesn't know it's wrong, or thåt he
doesn' t feel like a freak. If he knew how to stop he wouldn't have
scars all over his chest.
And the sad thing is, he will have the scars for the rest of his life.
They do fade over time, but they are still there, even long after you've
stopped.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Just my opinions and experience in here btw...
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Self-Injury Self-Injury
Types, Causes and Treatment
While self-harm is not usually suicidal behavior, it should still be taken seriously. As with other kinds of addictive behaviors, you cannot simply tell someone to stop and expect her or him to comply. A professional therapist is usually needed to assist in overcoming self-injurious behavior.
Self-injury (SI) – also known as self-harm or self-mutilation – is defined as any intentional injury to one's own body. It usually either leaves marks or causes tissue damage. It is hard for most people to understand why someone would want to cut or burn himself/herself). The mere idea of intentionally inflicting wounds to oneself makes people cringe. Yet there are growing numbers of young people who do intentionally hurt themselves.
Understanding the phenomenon is the first step in changing it.
Who engages in self-injury?
There is no simple portrait of a person who intentionally injures him/herself. This behavior is not limited by gender, race, education, age, sexual orientation, socio-economics, or religion. However, there are some commonly seen factors:
* Self-injury more commonly occurs in adolescent females.
* Many self-injurers have a history of physical, emotional or sexual abuse.
* Many self-injurers have co-existing problems of substance abuse, obsessive-compulsive disorder (or compulsive alone), or eating disorders.
* Self-injuring individuals were often raised in families that discouraged expression of anger, and tend to lack skills to express their emotions.
* Self-injurers often lack a good social support network.
* Self-injurers have often gone through a divorce with their parents.
What are the types of self-injury?
The most common ways that people self-injure are:
* Cutting
* Burning (or “branding” with hot objects)
* Picking at skin or re-opening wounds
* Hair-pulling (trichotillomania)
* Hitting (with hammer or other object)
* Bone-breaking
* Head-banging (more often seen in autistic, severely ******** or psychotic people)
* Multiple piercing or multiple tattooing may be a kind of self-injury, especially if pain or stress relief is a factor.
Throughout history, various cultures have intentionally created marks on the body for cultural or religious purposes. Some adolescents, especially if they are with a group engaging in such practices, may see this as a ritual or rite of passage into the group. However, beyond a first experiment in such behavior, continued bodily harm is self-abusive. Most self-injuring adolescents act alone, not in groups, and hide their behavior. There are also some more extreme types of self-mutilation, such as castration or amputation, which are rare and are associated with psychosis.
How does self-injury become addictive?
A person who becomes a habitual self-injurer usually follows a common progression:
* The first incident may occur by accident, or after seeing or hearing of others who engage in self-injury
* The person has strong feelings such as anger, fear, anxiety, or dread before an injuring event
* These feelings build, and the person has no way to express or address them directly
* Cutting or other self-injury provides a sense of relief, a release of the mounting tension
* A feeling of guilt and shame usually follows the event
* The person hides the tools used to injure, and covers up the evidence, often by wearing long sleeves
* The next time a similar strong feeling arises, the person has been “conditioned” to seek relief in the same way
* The feelings of shame paradoxically lead to continued self-injurious behavior
* The person feels compelled to repeat self-harm, which is likely to increase in frequency and degree
Why do people engage in self-injury?
Even though there is the possibility that a self-inflicted injury may result in life-threatening damage, self injury is not suicidal behavior. Although the person may not recognize the connection, SI usually occurs when facing what seems like overwhelming or distressing feelings. The reasons self-injurers give for this behavior vary:
* Self-injury temporarily relieves intense feelings, pressure or anxiety
* Self-injury provides a sense of being real, being alive – of feeling something
* Injuring oneself is a way to externalize emotional internal pain – to feel pain on the outside instead of the inside
* Self-injury is a way to control and manage pain – unlike the pain experienced through physical or sexual abuse
* Self-injury is a way to break emotional numbness (the self-anesthesia that allows someone to cut without feeling pain)
* Self-abuse is self-soothing behavior for someone who does not have other means to calm intense emotions
* Self-loathing – some self-injurers are punishing themselves for having strong feelings (which they were usually not allowed to express as children), or for a sense that somehow they are bad and undeserving (an outgrowth of abuse and a belief that it was deserved)
* Self-injury followed by tending to wounds is a way to express self-care, to be self-nurturing, for someone who never learned how to do that in a more direct way
* Harming oneself can be a way to draw attention to the need for help, to ask for assistance in an indirect way
* Sometimes self-injury is an attempt to affect others – to manipulate them, make them feel guilty or bad, make them care, or make them go away
What is the relationship between self-injury and suicide?
Self-injury is not suicidal behavior.
In fact, it may be a way to reduce the tension that, left unattended, could result in an actual suicide attempt.
Self-injury is the best way the individual knows to self-sooth.
It may represent the best attempt the person has at creating the least damage.
However, self-injury is highly linked to poor sense of self-worth, and over time, that depressed feeling can evolve into suicidal attempts.
And sometimes self-harm may accidentally go farther than intended, and a life-threatening injury may result.
What can you do to help a friend or family member who is a self-injurer?
It is very hard to realize that someone you care about is physically harming herself or himself. Your concern may come out in frustration and even comments that can drive the person farther away. Some things that might be helpful are:
* Understand that self-harming behavior is an attempt to maintain a certain amount of control, and that it is a way of self-soothing
* Let her or him know that you care and that you will listen
* Encourage expression of emotions, including anger
* Spend time doing enjoyable activities together
* Offer to help find a therapist or support group
* Do not tell the person to stop the behavior or make judgmental
comments – people who feel worthless and powerless are even more likely to self-injure
* If you are the parent of a self-injuring child, prepare yourself to address your family’s difficulties with expression of feelings, as this is a common factor in self-injury – this is not about blame, but about a learning process that will help the entire family
How can a self-injuring person stop this behavior?
Self-injury is a behavior that becomes compulsive and addictive. Like any other addiction, even though other people think the person should stop, most addicts have a hard time just saying no to their behavior – even while realizing it is unhealthy.
There are several things to do to help yourself:
* Acknowledge that this IS a problem, that you are hurting on the inside, and that you need professional assistance to stop injuring yourself.
* Realize that this is not about being bad or stupid – this is about recognizing that a behavior that somehow was helping you handle your feelings has become as big a problem as the one it was trying to solve in the first place.
* Find one person you trust – maybe a friend, teacher, minister, counselor, or relative – and say that you need to talk about something serious that is bothering you.
* Get help in identifying what “triggers” your self-harming behaviors and ask for help in developing ways to either avoid or address those triggers
* Recognize that self-injury is an attempt to self-sooth, and that you need to develop other, better ways to calm and sooth yourself
* Try some substitute activities when you feel like hurting yourself – there are some examples here, and many more that can be found online (links are provided below):
o If cutting is a way to deal with anger that you cannot express openly, try taking those feelings out on something else – running, dancing fast, screaming, punching a pillow, throwing something, ripping something apart
o If cutting is a way to feel something when you feel numb inside, try holding ice or a package of frozen food, taking a very hot or very cold shower, chewing something with a very strong taste (like chili peppers, raw ginger root, or a grapefruit peel), or snapping a rubber band hard on your wrist
o If cutting is a way to calm yourself, try taking a bubble bath, doing deep breathing, writing in a journal, drawing, or doing some yoga
o If cutting involves your having to see blood, try drawing a red ink line where you would usually cut yourself, in combination with other suggestions above
How is self-injury treated?
One danger connected with self-injury is that it tends to become an addictive behavior, a habit that is difficult to break even when the individual wants to stop. As with other addictions, qualified professional help us almost always necessary. It is important to find a therapist who understands this behavior and is not upset or repulsed by it. Some of the Helpguide's references & resources below offer links for referrals to therapists experienced with self-injury.
* Cognitive-behavioral therapy may be used to help the person learn to recognize and address triggering feelings in healthier ways.
* Because a history of abuse or incest may be at the core of an individual’s self-injuring behavior, post-traumatic stress therapies may be helpful.
* Interpersonal therapy is also the main treatment for the underlying issues of low self-worth that allowed this behavior to develop.
* Hypnosis or other self-relaxation techniques are helpful in reducing the stress and tension that often precede injuring incidents.
* Group therapy may be helpful in decreasing the shame associated with self-harm, and in supporting healthy expression of emotions.
* Family therapy may be useful, both in addressing any history of family stress related to the behavior, and also in helping family members learn to communicate more directly and non-judgmentally with each other.
* In some situations, an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication may be used to reduce the initial impulsive response to stress, while other coping strategies are developed.
* A recent treatment involves an in-patient hospitalization program, with a multi-disciplinary team approach.
Quote:
Helpguide.org: Mental Health, Relationships, Healthy Lifestyles, Aging
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
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Location: Hollywood
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Originally Posted by Toomutch
Thank you Done I will print this info for my husband to read tonight. You have been a BIG help.
Good, let us know how it goes. Will be thinking about you all. :praying
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Location: USA
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Sorry you're having such a hard time, it seems you're not powerless over the situation... do you talk to him about these things? Sorry I'm kind of weak in this catergory... I'm sure others have plenty of advice.
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Originally Posted by Paulos
Sorry you're having such a hard time, it seems you're not powerless over the situation... do you talk to him about these things? Sorry I'm kind of weak in this catergory... I'm sure others have plenty of advice.
Another reason we are waiting util Sat. is so that we can learn more about this before the talk. My husband still needs to read the information that Miss Done posted.
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Location: Littleton, Co.
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My husband and I spoke with him yesterday morn. Very brief and to the point. My husband was very kind and compassionate. It went well.
After our brief talk his dad took him to the doctor and that went well. The doctor said for some reason they see alot more of that in this area since Columbine (as we live very close). We also know the teacher that was killed that dreadful day.
Anyway our son really liked the doctor and was given referals to to get further help. So all in all it went very well.
After our brief talk his dad took him to the doctor and that went well. The doctor said for some reason they see alot more of that in this area since Columbine (as we live very close). We also know the teacher that was killed that dreadful day.
Anyway our son really liked the doctor and was given referals to to get further help. So all in all it went very well.
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Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Well, that's wonderful to hear!
I hope it all continues to go on an upbeat manner.
Please keep us informed.
I'm so pleased that you were able to get some needed information from our forum!
That's why we're here; to help.
I look forward to hearing more as he progresses in his recovery.
Shalom!
I hope it all continues to go on an upbeat manner.
Please keep us informed.
I'm so pleased that you were able to get some needed information from our forum!
That's why we're here; to help.
I look forward to hearing more as he progresses in his recovery.
Shalom!
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TooMuch, I would just like to say how much of a blessing it is that this hurting young man has such a wonderful and caring person here for him!! I sincerly mean that and it really has brought tears to my eyes b/c i can relate to it all so much...and because in my teenage years, unfortunatly, my step-mom did everything she could to hurt me...to the point of literally ignoring me and acting as if i and my sister weren't even there.
----
Bless you for being so concerned. He needs someone like you desperately and it brings me such joy to see that he has you in his life who can really understand and be there for him.
As for the self-injuring...it should be taken very serious.
Teenagers are very vulnerable to thoughts of suicide, especially during times when they feel undesired or unlovable or just simply really hurt from rejection (as do adults, but adults often think more about how such action would also affect others...and teens often are more impulsive about just wanting to end the pain and feeling and believing it will ALWAYS be that way).
I started self-injuring shortly after my new step-mom and sister moved in....about 5th grade for me. Tho it is a more "acceptable" and unrealized form of self-harm. I tear up my skin with my fingernails. It started with simple acne on my face and has constantly progressed over the years.
This past week was the first time I actually went beyond and into the realm of what is realized as others as real self-injury. I have 2 significant scratches on my left wrist from where i first tried with a dull pair of scissors to draw blood and then with a needle-type push pin.
i wasn't trying to attempt suicide, but i was definetly "flirting" with the idea and wanted to know how much pain it would take to draw blood and if i could handle it. I've never truely been more suicidal in my life...that i can remember. I even told my mom that i wouldn't be capable of writing any good-bye letters so i wanted her to know if i went thru with anything....that i wanted her to know she couldn't have done anything to stop it and that i didn't want her to ever feel guilty or anything.
Now....the ABSOLUTE WORST POSSIBLE THINGS HIS FATHER CAN SAY TO HIM is ANYTHING along the lines of being worthless or useless or stupid or weak or anything!!!!!!!!! OMGosh...i just can't even BEGIN to explain how that affected this already fragile and hurting young man!!!
You see....he ALREADY believes all that about himself 100 percent!!! And him just having the girlfriend to show him intense love, caring and affection helps him think perhaps he's not totally worthless and unlovable.
But having his own father TELL him he is worthless....could easily send him jumping off the nearest building, especially if his girlfriend's just broken up with him!!!! I'm not saying this to scare you.....but rather to explain how harmful and devistating such actual words can be.
I especially know this personally. I'm 32 and all my life i've struggled with feeling worthless and unlovable and literally repulsive to people in my life. It's been hard to ever feel really cared about.
A couple months ago, a guy i'd been crushing on at work for more than a year....sarcastically told me i was "totally worthless" and everytime he spoke to me i made him a worse person...so therefore he'd better just not talk to me anymore. It was his last day on the job as he'd turned in his notice 2 weeks before. I was significantly hurt and e-mailed him to tell him how bad he'd hurt me and that his saying that had just confirmed how unlovable and 'worthless' i'd already felt. So i told him 'thanks and have a nice life.'
that was on friday. On my next day of work...i got written up, not only for that, but 3 other things no one else would have been written up for. He had forwarded my e-mail response b/c he was truely concerned for my safety since i'd mentioned in it that i'd recently been suicidal. Instead, i was reprimanded for reacting to his VERY damaging words.
this past week, when i was using the needle to try and break the skin on my wrist....i just kept remembering his words.
----
Bless you for being so concerned. He needs someone like you desperately and it brings me such joy to see that he has you in his life who can really understand and be there for him.
As for the self-injuring...it should be taken very serious.
Teenagers are very vulnerable to thoughts of suicide, especially during times when they feel undesired or unlovable or just simply really hurt from rejection (as do adults, but adults often think more about how such action would also affect others...and teens often are more impulsive about just wanting to end the pain and feeling and believing it will ALWAYS be that way).
I started self-injuring shortly after my new step-mom and sister moved in....about 5th grade for me. Tho it is a more "acceptable" and unrealized form of self-harm. I tear up my skin with my fingernails. It started with simple acne on my face and has constantly progressed over the years.
This past week was the first time I actually went beyond and into the realm of what is realized as others as real self-injury. I have 2 significant scratches on my left wrist from where i first tried with a dull pair of scissors to draw blood and then with a needle-type push pin.
i wasn't trying to attempt suicide, but i was definetly "flirting" with the idea and wanted to know how much pain it would take to draw blood and if i could handle it. I've never truely been more suicidal in my life...that i can remember. I even told my mom that i wouldn't be capable of writing any good-bye letters so i wanted her to know if i went thru with anything....that i wanted her to know she couldn't have done anything to stop it and that i didn't want her to ever feel guilty or anything.
Now....the ABSOLUTE WORST POSSIBLE THINGS HIS FATHER CAN SAY TO HIM is ANYTHING along the lines of being worthless or useless or stupid or weak or anything!!!!!!!!! OMGosh...i just can't even BEGIN to explain how that affected this already fragile and hurting young man!!!
You see....he ALREADY believes all that about himself 100 percent!!! And him just having the girlfriend to show him intense love, caring and affection helps him think perhaps he's not totally worthless and unlovable.
But having his own father TELL him he is worthless....could easily send him jumping off the nearest building, especially if his girlfriend's just broken up with him!!!! I'm not saying this to scare you.....but rather to explain how harmful and devistating such actual words can be.
I especially know this personally. I'm 32 and all my life i've struggled with feeling worthless and unlovable and literally repulsive to people in my life. It's been hard to ever feel really cared about.
A couple months ago, a guy i'd been crushing on at work for more than a year....sarcastically told me i was "totally worthless" and everytime he spoke to me i made him a worse person...so therefore he'd better just not talk to me anymore. It was his last day on the job as he'd turned in his notice 2 weeks before. I was significantly hurt and e-mailed him to tell him how bad he'd hurt me and that his saying that had just confirmed how unlovable and 'worthless' i'd already felt. So i told him 'thanks and have a nice life.'
that was on friday. On my next day of work...i got written up, not only for that, but 3 other things no one else would have been written up for. He had forwarded my e-mail response b/c he was truely concerned for my safety since i'd mentioned in it that i'd recently been suicidal. Instead, i was reprimanded for reacting to his VERY damaging words.
this past week, when i was using the needle to try and break the skin on my wrist....i just kept remembering his words.
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Location: Littleton, Co.
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(((Shutterbug )))
I want to tell you that you are not worthless or unlovable. I do know however that when we think and feel that we are and people say things to us to validate those thoughts and feelings it hurts. It is damaging.
Have you talked to anyone about the self harm that you have been doing?
When I was reading and trying to undrstand the cutting a little more clearly something jumped out at me. Picking of the skin. I am constantly doing this uncontiously. At my back, legs, arms, fingers and the back of my neck near my hair line. I do have some scarring from this which makes me wonder if I am self harming. It is not intentional. I do it in the bath, while reading or watching t.v. It's weird.
Any input from anyone.
I want to tell you that you are not worthless or unlovable. I do know however that when we think and feel that we are and people say things to us to validate those thoughts and feelings it hurts. It is damaging.
Have you talked to anyone about the self harm that you have been doing?
When I was reading and trying to undrstand the cutting a little more clearly something jumped out at me. Picking of the skin. I am constantly doing this uncontiously. At my back, legs, arms, fingers and the back of my neck near my hair line. I do have some scarring from this which makes me wonder if I am self harming. It is not intentional. I do it in the bath, while reading or watching t.v. It's weird.
Any input from anyone.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by Toomutch
My husband and I spoke with him yesterday morn. Very brief and to the point. My husband was very kind and compassionate. It went well.
After our brief talk his dad took him to the doctor and that went well. The doctor said for some reason they see alot more of that in this area since Columbine (as we live very close). We also know the teacher that was killed that dreadful day.
Anyway our son really liked the doctor and was given referals to to get further help. So all in all it went very well.
After our brief talk his dad took him to the doctor and that went well. The doctor said for some reason they see alot more of that in this area since Columbine (as we live very close). We also know the teacher that was killed that dreadful day.
Anyway our son really liked the doctor and was given referals to to get further help. So all in all it went very well.
Dads calm down and realize they can't 'fix this' and they didn't
'cause it'...
then rational and reality sets in... Poor big guys...It's kind of ironic that you brought up Littleton because I thought about
mentioning that, I have talked to a few kids (online) who say they went
there and (were cutters)...
Part of me wanted to ask you about Littleton if he had any relation to it,
(but I would never) but that does make a lot of sense. Grief is so hard
for anyone to deal with, let alone kids, and cutting makes it so much
easier to deal with (in the beginning or so it seems)..
When I was reading and trying to undrstand the cutting a little more clearly something jumped out at me. Picking of the skin. I am constantly doing this uncontiously. At my back, legs, arms, fingers and the back of my neck near my hair line. I do have some scarring from this which makes me wonder if I am self harming. It is not intentional. I do it in the bath, while reading or watching t.v. It's weird.
Yea, that can be a form of self harm, or a nervous habit? Usually in my experience, self harm is done to stop pain or something from hurting.
But maybe your doing it because of stress? or maybe a small form of
obsessive compulsive? Do you do anything else like that?
Nevertheless now you know it's not good for you.. Leaves scars, can cause
infections, and possibly if it is a form of self harm it could be stopping you from what is dealing with what is bothering you. I used to be addicted to diet pepsi, literally, I would drink 20+ a day, it was the physical part, but I would open a can without knowing it, or if something upset me, etc. I would crack open a can. In many ways as weird as it sounds it stopped me from feeling or dealing. Just like smokers do, etc. I think we as humans find all kinds of ways of numbing or not dealing with things we should. So yes to your question imo, it can be a form of self harm.
But now that you know it is a behavior of yours, you can change it.
Just my opinion anyway.. :ghug2
I'm really glad to hear that it went well with your son!!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Whoville (with Horton)
Posts: 121
Interesting thread. I think you are a wonderful stepmother and feel so blessed to know caring loving people are still in this world. Thank you for reaching out to understand your step son and the motivators behind the harm, instead of judging him.
Im an alcoholic, and back in my teenage years I used to cut, and my other thing (which is going to seem odd, especially seeing I still do it) is I unconciously chew on the the inside of my mouth. I know - gross, but I can without even knowing Im doing it - bite great holes out of the inside of my mouth. This is such an ingrained form of self-harm, I rarely even acknowledge it anymore.
Last year when I gave up the alcohol for 6 months, I found myself drawn back into self harming. I put cigarettes out on my arms etc etc. Seems odd behaviour for a seemingly stable mother of 3 kids - with a wonderful husband, strong faith etc etc. Eventually I confessed to my Pastor and we had to do some pretty deep searching to uncover why my self esteem is so low I had to go to such extreme lengths to punish myself. Eventually this led to my relapse with alcohol. Anything to cover the fact I don't like me.
Your step-son needs help. He needs support and guidance to uncover where his dislike of himself comes from and he needs to replace the lies he believes about himself and the people around him with the truths that others know. Being in a relationship or his father nutting off at him should NOT lead to that behaviour. Its only because he doesn't place a high value on himself that it does. If he was more secure in the fact he is loved and deserves to be, then he would not have the urges to hurt himself.
Just my opinion anyway. Continue to love him, and make sure he gets some professional guidance as well.
Luvvies, and blessings upon you and your family.
Im an alcoholic, and back in my teenage years I used to cut, and my other thing (which is going to seem odd, especially seeing I still do it) is I unconciously chew on the the inside of my mouth. I know - gross, but I can without even knowing Im doing it - bite great holes out of the inside of my mouth. This is such an ingrained form of self-harm, I rarely even acknowledge it anymore.
Last year when I gave up the alcohol for 6 months, I found myself drawn back into self harming. I put cigarettes out on my arms etc etc. Seems odd behaviour for a seemingly stable mother of 3 kids - with a wonderful husband, strong faith etc etc. Eventually I confessed to my Pastor and we had to do some pretty deep searching to uncover why my self esteem is so low I had to go to such extreme lengths to punish myself. Eventually this led to my relapse with alcohol. Anything to cover the fact I don't like me.
Your step-son needs help. He needs support and guidance to uncover where his dislike of himself comes from and he needs to replace the lies he believes about himself and the people around him with the truths that others know. Being in a relationship or his father nutting off at him should NOT lead to that behaviour. Its only because he doesn't place a high value on himself that it does. If he was more secure in the fact he is loved and deserves to be, then he would not have the urges to hurt himself.
Just my opinion anyway. Continue to love him, and make sure he gets some professional guidance as well.
Luvvies, and blessings upon you and your family.
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