Addictshusband

Hi! This is my first post even though I have lurking for a couple months now. I am the husband of an alcoholic/addict that also was recently diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder.

We have been married 20 years and her drinking and prescription drug use has increased over the years. She is now (as of a week ago) in a hospital for drug/alcohol/MHMR patients. This is the 3rd inpatient facility in the last 15 years although the last trip was 13 months ago.

We have had a good marriage with two kids, owned a few new homes, had good careers, drove nice cars, but now we are barely getting by living in an apartment. We filed bankruptcy several years ago, forclosed on our last new home 2 yrs ago, she got her car repossed last November, lost her job because of showing up under the influence 1 1/2 yrs ago.

I could write for hours on all the stories I have about how the disease has affected our lives and our childrens lives. I am to the point tho that I am wondering if I should give up my fight and file for divorce? My kids have so much anger built up towards her because they have had to grow up with her not being able to be there when they needed her. I have spent so much of my life protecting her and covering for her that I have let my dreams and aspirations go by the wayside.

My kids (18 & 20) are going to seek counseling along with my self. My wife is possibly going to a center about 150-200 miles from here and then possibly a 1/2 way house for 5 months after that. Another thing I am dealing with besides the decision for the divorce is how I am going to pay for all the bills she paid for and how I can tackle the change since I have been in a marriage for so long and then being on my own.

I know that counseling is going to take care of most of this, but I think it makes me feel better to get this off my chest here and maybe some can share some of their experiences.

My main problem now is to figure out if I should give treatment another chance. My biggest worry if she comes back and drinks on top of the meds (like she has before) how she could act (i.e. violence, anger, etc). Let me add that we live on the 3rd floor of an apartment building and my 10 mo old granddaughter and my daughter live with us. She was having episodes of where she was seeing things and other delusional activity.

I also suffer from depression and panic attacks and this is all getting too much for me.

Rome

I am so sorry about your situation...I really think you should start taking care of yourself and stop hoping about her recovery!

Bozo

Great to have you here on SR. I was just signing off for the night, will post more later. Mike

ccgirl

I really have no advice, especially about alcoholism, but I have a wonderful book called "Loving Someone with Bipolar disorder" by Julie Fast and John Preston. I am the one who is bipolar with an addiction issue; I have to tell you that book told me a lot about my condition that I didn't even know!

Addictshusband

Thank you, I will check out the book.

Bozo

Gosh, your post is such a tough situation. You must be getting pulled in a hundred different directions. Well it took twenty years to get to this point, so you might as well slow down and take care of one thing at a time.

You first and then your family. While your wife is recovering, what about making a list of what you need to straighten out, and work on one at a time until it is resolved.

I know you know it cant be fixed overnight, so proceed carefully and in time all the answers will come. Good luck and please let us know how you make out.