racingthoughts

Hello everybody,

I know I haven't been around in a little while, but I felt the need to post here again. As of now, I have 2 years and 3 months clean from everything.

But with all that being said, I still do have some struggles, mainly in the form of mental illness. My bipolar II has become quite debilitating for me at times, and I'm working diligently with a psychiatrist to stabilize myself. Frankly, it's gotten worse over the past year. I'm not sure if it's the result of using an antidepressant instead of a mood stabilizer for almost two years, but right now, I'm struggling with severe depressive episodes that generally come in two week intervals. I'm still functioning, and am actually in grad school and interning as a counselor in a rehab. But alas, everything has become more difficult to manage.

With all that being said, recently, I've been having some thoughts of using. Nothing serious or anything that I'm worried about acting upon, but sometimes the thought of escaping my brain seems attractive. I've been putting my own recovery on the back burner for several months now, and this post signifies a renewed commitment to attending to such. The shower I took yesterday won't keep me clean today.

Keep fighting everyone, because I'm still right here with you guys. This forum has been a home for me during my most difficult days.

Dee74

Hi RT - good to ehar from you.

I'm sorry you're struggling with mental health.

I'm not bipolar so I have no direct experience to share but I reckon theres got to be some effective treatment for you out there...

something way better than going back to pot again - you've been there done that and know there are no answers there.

I'm wishing you the best and hey maybe posting regularly here again may help in some small way?

D

racingthoughts

Thanks Dee,

I know pot and any other drug for that matter isn't the answer, and I know it'd only make me deteriorate. I only mentioned the using thoughts because they've kind of popped up out of nowhere over the past couple weeks after a long, long time of not having any. I've been struggling for the past month mentally, and relief from my symptoms is the only thing my brain is seeking. Being an addict, it knows where a flood of dopamine lies. I've also been living away from any connections for the past year, so relapsing would take considerable effort. Not worried about it, but only stated the thoughts as a reminder that I have to remain humble and continue to work a program, both of which I've gotten away from for a while.

Regarding the bipolar, there's no quick fix, and it's almost impossible to tell what specifically will work for one individual, given the fact that everyone is different. I have a long break from school and work over Christmas, which is a time when my psychiatrist and I agreed to begin working more aggressively on treating this disorder.

Hope all is well with you my friend.

Dee74

All good here - and always good to hear from you RT

D

Lorax1981

We’re still right here too RT. I wish I had some great advice but all I can say is keep at it and that I’m feeling for ya. Good luck to you, hope you see some improvement soon.
-Ted

reflag

You are an inspiration RT! It was so nice to hear from you and your success. My partner is still struggling but I'm grateful that he is 3 months clean already. I am wishing you happiness in life and hope to celebrate with you your daily successes.

Pacoloco

You are an inspiration to us all, RT.

racingthoughts

Thanks for the kind words everyone. Trying to stay humble in this.