littlefish

Hello everyone: it's been a loooooooong while! I guess it's been a couple three years since my last post. So much good stuff happening in my life. Of course due to recovery, literally would not have happened without it. A move, no, two. Retirement to a charming house in the country. Never mind the leaky roof and rotted beams....the mice that like to come inside when it's cold....I love it. Some milestones with my work, a new hobby. (Aware that for me a hobby can quickly become an addiction.....) Slowly working on restoration of the old farmhouse, a labor of love. And, you know, that's a good phrase: slowly working on restoration. I can't believe I am coming up on that other slow restoration, 10 years sober. Yesterday I had a busy day, a long drive to and back from an important event, showing a sense of responsibility, fulfilling obligations, something I didn't know how to do when I drank. I had a fleeting memory when I was about 10 minutes from home: how it was when I was drinking. I would start focusing on that drink minutes before I got home, after a big event, a big job. Etc. Whatever: there was always that after-this big-deal-I-am-having-that-drink. In my early years of drinking, it was reward, sweet reward without guilt. Towards the end when I was twisting on the rack of addiction, it was feeble promises to myself: just two beers. Just that half bottle of wine, then I stop. Just that low alcohol beer or two or twelve. And then I wouldn't be able to stop for a week. I was a binger. And a daily drinker. All day drinker. So I would binge on top of the dailies. It was an incredible feeling to realize: I haven't had that thought for years. An even happier thought was: and I don't feel like doing that anymore, AT ALL. It took me almost two and a half years to quit. I almost said: quitting was hard for me. But, it is hard for everyone. What I mean to say was: quitting was slow for me. It took a while. All of you newbies who are thinking there is literally no future ahead without alcohol, there is. All the things you think are impossible about quitting: totally possible. Just hang in there. You could absolutely end up like me: grateful and living a totally different life than my addicted one. Not just me: lots of other people here at SR.
Keep on coming back: lord knows I did. Dusted myself off after yet another of my countless relapses and came back. Now I am coming back to share the gratitude -

Opivotal

So nice to hear from you, littlefish!

Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary. Ten years is fantastic.

Thank you for such an inspirational post.

Hevyn

It's great to see you posting, littlefish. I'm so happy for your new life & the fact that you never gave up digging your way out of the old one.
I was exactly the same type of drinker. It's so hard to explain it to anyone. That's why this community has meant the world to me. I'm so pleased we can relate to each other with compassion & true empathy.

Dee74

Hello littlefish - good to hear from you
D