I am thankful that I have stopped drinking for 12weeks
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I am thankful that I have stopped drinking for 12weeks
From Feb this year to middle of June my solo drinking was getting out of hand. I would drink daily until I went to sleep or passed out.
On 22 June I didn't drink and went to an AA meeting. For two months I went to a meeting nearly everyday. The benefit for me was being able to interact and hear experiences of people with alcohol problems and how they dealt with them.
For these two months I almost felt driven to go the meetings and what wa said helped me reflect on my behaviour and more importantly attitude to life and how it was causing me problems. Drinking in fact is only symptom for me of deeper issues in my thought processes and behaviour. When I was drinking, I was very unhappy and had alot of anxiety but daily would drink for the fleeting good feeling I would get from taking a drink and then proceed to anesthetize myself. My thinking was self absorbed and I was generally horrible. I was not living.
At AA I have heard the stories from many people and most were much further down the track in drinking than me. Whilst I was not yet a 24 7 drinker and didn't have physical symptoms of withdrawal I was psychologically addicted. There are different degrees of alcoholism or problem drinking, but if not dealt with lead to the same desperate place.
In the last month I have not found the same need to attend AA. I find I am quite comfortable not drinking and waking each day I feel very grateful not to have hangover and more positive outlook in life. I have been to meetings once a week and that gives me sufficient reminder. One issue with AA is that it seems the focus is too much about staying stopped drinking and not how to enjoy life.
Step 1 of AA is like the costs side of a CBT analysis but on steroids. I found Step 1 very useful to deeply consider the damage drinking has done in my life.
Step 2 is about realising there is more to life than our self centred and selfish thoughts and to realise that happiness is within and more about our attitudes towards things.
Step 3 I baulked at and his about the idea handing life over to God.
Step 4 is making an inventory of your negative thoughts and resentments. This I am going through just now.
Step 5 is admitting fault and bad actions to God and other person. To me this too much beating yourself up and start of brain washing. I am quite capable of holding myself to account
Step 6 and 7 you ask God to remove defects of character and achieve this through prayer. As an agnostic and ardent non believer in any religion I really don't like this and think it is nonsense.
Rather I need to become aware of my bad behaviours and attitudes and affirm to myself that I will stop doing them. I think we all have our own personal moral code about how we should think and behave. Stray too far from that we get in trouble. My take is to try to be less selfish and egotistical, it feels nice to be nice. It will be a long journey.
Step 8 and 9 is seeking out all those you have harmed or hurt to make amends. Not a bad idea and linked to removing inner resentments, which is key to having a happy AF life.
Step 10, keep Step 4 live and up to date.
Step 11 pray to god "as we understand him" to reveal our purpose.
Step 12 help other alcoholics recover.
Now I am week 12 I feel my sobriety is strengthening. As time goes by I am developing a habit of living my daily life AF and feel very grateful that I am comfortable not drinking day by day.
I have not encountered a social situation yet as I have avoided that to date. I did enjoy my social drinking with particular friends and that wasn't the problem. The jury is out whether I can eventually be someone who can return to occasional social drinking or would that lead back to solo drinking. I am not planning in testing that anytime soon and would want to get much more time under my belt AF.
The biggest defence is to learn to enjoy the benefits of AF and remember the chaos and helplessness of drinking to excess. The truth of it is that being drunk is not enjoyable and the hangovers you are throwing your time on this planet away.
All the best.
Stephen
On 22 June I didn't drink and went to an AA meeting. For two months I went to a meeting nearly everyday. The benefit for me was being able to interact and hear experiences of people with alcohol problems and how they dealt with them.
For these two months I almost felt driven to go the meetings and what wa said helped me reflect on my behaviour and more importantly attitude to life and how it was causing me problems. Drinking in fact is only symptom for me of deeper issues in my thought processes and behaviour. When I was drinking, I was very unhappy and had alot of anxiety but daily would drink for the fleeting good feeling I would get from taking a drink and then proceed to anesthetize myself. My thinking was self absorbed and I was generally horrible. I was not living.
At AA I have heard the stories from many people and most were much further down the track in drinking than me. Whilst I was not yet a 24 7 drinker and didn't have physical symptoms of withdrawal I was psychologically addicted. There are different degrees of alcoholism or problem drinking, but if not dealt with lead to the same desperate place.
In the last month I have not found the same need to attend AA. I find I am quite comfortable not drinking and waking each day I feel very grateful not to have hangover and more positive outlook in life. I have been to meetings once a week and that gives me sufficient reminder. One issue with AA is that it seems the focus is too much about staying stopped drinking and not how to enjoy life.
Step 1 of AA is like the costs side of a CBT analysis but on steroids. I found Step 1 very useful to deeply consider the damage drinking has done in my life.
Step 2 is about realising there is more to life than our self centred and selfish thoughts and to realise that happiness is within and more about our attitudes towards things.
Step 3 I baulked at and his about the idea handing life over to God.
Step 4 is making an inventory of your negative thoughts and resentments. This I am going through just now.
Step 5 is admitting fault and bad actions to God and other person. To me this too much beating yourself up and start of brain washing. I am quite capable of holding myself to account
Step 6 and 7 you ask God to remove defects of character and achieve this through prayer. As an agnostic and ardent non believer in any religion I really don't like this and think it is nonsense.
Rather I need to become aware of my bad behaviours and attitudes and affirm to myself that I will stop doing them. I think we all have our own personal moral code about how we should think and behave. Stray too far from that we get in trouble. My take is to try to be less selfish and egotistical, it feels nice to be nice. It will be a long journey.
Step 8 and 9 is seeking out all those you have harmed or hurt to make amends. Not a bad idea and linked to removing inner resentments, which is key to having a happy AF life.
Step 10, keep Step 4 live and up to date.
Step 11 pray to god "as we understand him" to reveal our purpose.
Step 12 help other alcoholics recover.
Now I am week 12 I feel my sobriety is strengthening. As time goes by I am developing a habit of living my daily life AF and feel very grateful that I am comfortable not drinking day by day.
I have not encountered a social situation yet as I have avoided that to date. I did enjoy my social drinking with particular friends and that wasn't the problem. The jury is out whether I can eventually be someone who can return to occasional social drinking or would that lead back to solo drinking. I am not planning in testing that anytime soon and would want to get much more time under my belt AF.
The biggest defence is to learn to enjoy the benefits of AF and remember the chaos and helplessness of drinking to excess. The truth of it is that being drunk is not enjoyable and the hangovers you are throwing your time on this planet away.
All the best.
Stephen
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