chickenlady

I am so grateful that I am still alive to be in my children's lives. There were times while I felt so hopeless that I wanted to say fvck it and take the easy way out. But something or someone kept stopping me saying "one day you'll get out of this and you'll be there for them." And here I am. Still here! Just the thought of what I would have put them through if I had of checked out haunts me. How do I forgive myself? I tell myself I'm a good person, but every now and then I beat myself up for it and ask "why me?" Why did god pick me to be an alcoholic and not someone else. Sometimes, I hate god for that.