Delilah1

Hello,

I usually post on the recovery side, I am six years sober from alcohol, and also the sister of an addict. My brother is 43, he continues to lie and manipulate about his PCP use. He lives on the other side of the country from me. Friday night he almost ODd, I received a call from his stepdaughter early Saturday morning. He tried to use the excuse that he was celebrating her job promotion, which is just another BS excuse.

I didn’t speak to him yesterday, today he has texted me saying he is good and he is sober. My response was that he is neither good or sober. I know he still has stuff in his house that he’s lying about, I’m pretty sure he’s doing more than just using. He was working on getting back into the lives of his children who are six, he saw them under a supervised visit this week for the first time in months, and says he wants to do whatever it takes, which he seems to think involves buying them a bunch of crap to bring them, and not taking the steps he needs to to get his life back together.

He got angry when I called him out on his lies today, and I have ended communication with him for a bit. I love him, but I ask incredibly frustrated with him right now. He says he Is making calls tomorrow, I am going to just step back and let him navigate this. I recently sent him money to put towards the lawyer helping him with the kids. Who knows where that money went, and honestly he doesn’t deserve to be in their life right now. The sad thing is their mother is not a stable parent either.

Just venting, I know I need to distance for my own mental health, my anxiety is through the roof right now, and I need to step away and focus on my own family. Days like this I am very glad we live in opposite sides of the country.

Delilah

SoberLeigh

I am sorry that you are going through difficult times with your brother, Delilah.

Helping an alcoholic or addict can be extremely frustrating, even with our own first-hand experience with alcoholism.

Try to guard your own cherished sobriety. Often the best thing we can do is keep our own side of the street clean. Continuing to remain sober speaks volumes.

Hugs.

Dee74

I am sorry you're going through this too Delilah.

D

Delilah1

Thank you both, I know I need to distance myself, I have done that now. I am just frustrated because I fell for the lies again, and believed he was really not using. I should know better.

Bute

Hi Delilah,
You're definitely not alone, as we've all been taken in by the lies at some point.
I think we want to believe what our ALO is telling us, I know I did with my son, and it's like a kick in the teeth when we discover it's all a pile of horse dung!
I totally agree with you stepping back, and taking care of you. You can't control it, so let it go ( as best you can). Your health and emotional well-being are priority.
Much Love
Bute xx

Zevin

I’m sorry Delilah. It’s a wonderful feeling when we think a loved one is sober, isn’t it?
Then soul crushing to get that hope snatched away.
I’m amazed how often I truly believe loved ones are on the road to recovery but nope! <sigh>

Delilah1

He has a good heart, but drugs have destroyed every good thing in his life. It is definitely heartbreaking.

thequest

Lying and rationalizing are part of the addicts tool box. The fact that he thought he could get away unscathed using on just one occasion says something right there. It's all about their gratification.Which would be fine if their actions would not affect anyone else.

Delilah1

I know he was able to see his kids on Wednesday, he posted pictures with him. There was a big part of me that wished they would have drug tested him when he arrived for his visit. I haven’t spoken to him in a week, and will definitely continue to distance myself for a bit.