How do you deal with the anxiety?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
How do you deal with the anxiety?
How do you deal with the anxiety?
My x addict has been appearing and disappearing for the last 10 years. We haven’t heard from him but twice in almost 3 years. Saw my child 1 time within this time period. It is always the same story “ I want a relationship with my child” …blah blah…always the same song an dance…then we maybe see him 1 time and then he disappears. But the aftermath of emotions is painful.
This past time ( June) my child ( teenager now) didn’t want to see him. So, I was so anxious…how to I mediate? I didn’t want to make him angry. I wanted to respect my child’s feelings. I’m always the mediator and I hate it. I was kinda blowing him off and just waiting for him to disappear, or figuring out how to tell him that his child didn’t want to see him… And then , I get a text from his phone from an apparent scorned woman saying something to the effect…he has kid in another state ( 4yrs old ) and another on the way from a different woman and he can’t even get his **** together to see his first born 10 min away and how gross he is”. when I got this text my heart sank, I couldn’t breathe and I sat there frozen in the parking lot telling myself to breathe. How was I going to tell my kid that his father neglected to tell us that he has a 4 yr old son? And what an evil toxic woman to purposely send me that text from his phone. I was waiting for a call to be on the Jerry Springer show.
so, for the first time in my life and because my kid had no interest in seeing him I blocked him. I even sent him a text “ I’m blocking you”
keep in mind I have blocked his family and he and anyone who has any contact with him from my life. My life without him is pretty peaceful.
So last weekend he just “popped” over unannounced to MY home. MY safe place. He knew we were home, but we didn’t answer the door. Afterwards, I felt obligated to tell my kid.,,so, you have a brother and possibly one on the way. I wasn’t ready to tell him, but I thought I better. I felt like I needed to. I didn’t know what my x would do next?
then, the anxiety sets in. Like crazy hard core anxiety.
I’ve been anxious all week since his pop over. Now it’s the weekend and I’m ready to go hide my car just in case he tries to stop over again. I’ve been anxiously checking my phone. I keep asking myself why am I so anxious? Because he is toxic. He always brings with him lies, disappointment and sadness. His life is always in chaos. He has another kid out of state that he abandoned. Like WTF. So many emotions.
I feel like I’m hiding or running. I’m stronger than this. Why am I so scared? how do you deal with the anxiety that comes along with dealing with a toxic person? I actually for the first time called a therapist!
I just want nothing to do with this man. What if he was high when he stopped over? And How dare he just stop over and think it was no big deal! Like we were all going to just shoot the sh@&???? Does have no shame? Is he delusional about all the pain he caused? Knowing we were home and didn’t answer the door…was that a wake up call for him? I’ve been enabling him the past 10 years allowing him to easily come in and out of out lives whenever he pleases because I always asked my kid…do you want to see your dad? And he had said yes…until now. Maybe this was a good thing. Us not answering the door was such a statement.
2026 he will be 18 and I will be finally free. I plan on going to the Bahamas and celebrating!
But this anxiety I can’t take anymore. How can I stop this power he has over me to make me feel so scared and anxious? I just honestly think he’s a toxic human. I want nothing to do with him.
My x addict has been appearing and disappearing for the last 10 years. We haven’t heard from him but twice in almost 3 years. Saw my child 1 time within this time period. It is always the same story “ I want a relationship with my child” …blah blah…always the same song an dance…then we maybe see him 1 time and then he disappears. But the aftermath of emotions is painful.
This past time ( June) my child ( teenager now) didn’t want to see him. So, I was so anxious…how to I mediate? I didn’t want to make him angry. I wanted to respect my child’s feelings. I’m always the mediator and I hate it. I was kinda blowing him off and just waiting for him to disappear, or figuring out how to tell him that his child didn’t want to see him… And then , I get a text from his phone from an apparent scorned woman saying something to the effect…he has kid in another state ( 4yrs old ) and another on the way from a different woman and he can’t even get his **** together to see his first born 10 min away and how gross he is”. when I got this text my heart sank, I couldn’t breathe and I sat there frozen in the parking lot telling myself to breathe. How was I going to tell my kid that his father neglected to tell us that he has a 4 yr old son? And what an evil toxic woman to purposely send me that text from his phone. I was waiting for a call to be on the Jerry Springer show.
so, for the first time in my life and because my kid had no interest in seeing him I blocked him. I even sent him a text “ I’m blocking you”
keep in mind I have blocked his family and he and anyone who has any contact with him from my life. My life without him is pretty peaceful.
So last weekend he just “popped” over unannounced to MY home. MY safe place. He knew we were home, but we didn’t answer the door. Afterwards, I felt obligated to tell my kid.,,so, you have a brother and possibly one on the way. I wasn’t ready to tell him, but I thought I better. I felt like I needed to. I didn’t know what my x would do next?
then, the anxiety sets in. Like crazy hard core anxiety.
I’ve been anxious all week since his pop over. Now it’s the weekend and I’m ready to go hide my car just in case he tries to stop over again. I’ve been anxiously checking my phone. I keep asking myself why am I so anxious? Because he is toxic. He always brings with him lies, disappointment and sadness. His life is always in chaos. He has another kid out of state that he abandoned. Like WTF. So many emotions.
I feel like I’m hiding or running. I’m stronger than this. Why am I so scared? how do you deal with the anxiety that comes along with dealing with a toxic person? I actually for the first time called a therapist!
I just want nothing to do with this man. What if he was high when he stopped over? And How dare he just stop over and think it was no big deal! Like we were all going to just shoot the sh@&???? Does have no shame? Is he delusional about all the pain he caused? Knowing we were home and didn’t answer the door…was that a wake up call for him? I’ve been enabling him the past 10 years allowing him to easily come in and out of out lives whenever he pleases because I always asked my kid…do you want to see your dad? And he had said yes…until now. Maybe this was a good thing. Us not answering the door was such a statement.
2026 he will be 18 and I will be finally free. I plan on going to the Bahamas and celebrating!
But this anxiety I can’t take anymore. How can I stop this power he has over me to make me feel so scared and anxious? I just honestly think he’s a toxic human. I want nothing to do with him.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 275
Oh, Story74, anxiety can be crippling. Brilliant job on reaching out to a therapist as I'm sure they will have some suggestions for you. Blocking your ex is a good idea, but I would just leave it at that.
How sad for your child. :-( He's only 13 so you may want to get him into therapy as well. We never know how young minds will be affected by such a brutal blow.
As for the anxiety, I think breathing exercises are a great place to start. Just do a general search or YouTube. You're bound to find many suggestions. Not all worked for me, but the breathing was very helpful.
I hope things begin working well for you!
❤️🤗❤️
How sad for your child. :-( He's only 13 so you may want to get him into therapy as well. We never know how young minds will be affected by such a brutal blow.
As for the anxiety, I think breathing exercises are a great place to start. Just do a general search or YouTube. You're bound to find many suggestions. Not all worked for me, but the breathing was very helpful.
I hope things begin working well for you!
❤️🤗❤️
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 291
Anxiety does make you feel awful. Emotionally, and the physical manifestations, nausea, vomitting, diarrhoea. I remember the feelings.
When our thoughts run away with us, we end up sky high. I used to try and think about the situation logically, which I know can be hard. If we keep control of our mind,the rest follows.
You know you are strong. You don't need or want him in your life. Your son doesn't want him in his life. He turns up at your home, uninvited, and you are the one feeling afraid in your own home. Been there too! If he turns up - call the police. Every single time.
Take back your power. You've just had a wobble. Get mad at the arrogance of him. I always found when I was mad, I wasn't scared or anxious.
Learning controlled breathing really does help. I also used a herbal product, made from flowers, called Bachs Rescue Remedy - in a little dropper bottle. I don't know if it's available where you are, but it helped me tremendously.
Much Love
Bute xx
When our thoughts run away with us, we end up sky high. I used to try and think about the situation logically, which I know can be hard. If we keep control of our mind,the rest follows.
You know you are strong. You don't need or want him in your life. Your son doesn't want him in his life. He turns up at your home, uninvited, and you are the one feeling afraid in your own home. Been there too! If he turns up - call the police. Every single time.
Take back your power. You've just had a wobble. Get mad at the arrogance of him. I always found when I was mad, I wasn't scared or anxious.
Learning controlled breathing really does help. I also used a herbal product, made from flowers, called Bachs Rescue Remedy - in a little dropper bottle. I don't know if it's available where you are, but it helped me tremendously.
Much Love
Bute xx
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 980
Story
You got a text from his phone saying it was some women sending you a text. Then she said he has a four year old with one women & another on the way with some other women.
How do you know any of this is real? Hes an addict & could have been easily texting you these things. Playing some kind of dimented game to mess with your mind.
My addict loves to communicate by text. Its a control thing with her. She can control the text conversation in any manner she chooses including disappearing out of the conversation in an instant. I dont trust anything she tells me & especially dont trust communication from her by text.
You got a text from his phone saying it was some women sending you a text. Then she said he has a four year old with one women & another on the way with some other women.
How do you know any of this is real? Hes an addict & could have been easily texting you these things. Playing some kind of dimented game to mess with your mind.
My addict loves to communicate by text. Its a control thing with her. She can control the text conversation in any manner she chooses including disappearing out of the conversation in an instant. I dont trust anything she tells me & especially dont trust communication from her by text.
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