Feel sick about telling the kids.
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Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 47
Feel sick about telling the kids.
I haven't posted for a while.
Dealing with husband who is a binge drinker/recreational drug user.
We have had many arguments about this over the years. Mainly around me and the kids not feeling like his priority.
When I was at home with 3 kids under 4, he would stay at the pub (on weeknights often) and on most friday nights until late to avoid coming home and facing the responsibility of parenthood, which he has found very hard to adjust to. All he seems to think about is how it has constrained him, his freedom and his ability to "do what he wants to do".
He took 3 months off booze in lockdown. He did it to prove a point I think. Then since that finished, he has been back to his ways. Going down to a neighbours house on a weds night getting wasted. He left at 430pm and still wasnt home at 130 when I messaged out of concern for his safety! We had a really big fight the next day. I am just so tired of it.
Then last Friday he did it again, with this same guy who is basically a depressed functional AH. They enable each other.
My H says that I am trying to change who he is, and that having fun/partying/beers with the boys is "who he is". He said I am trying to mould him into some version that I want.
All I want is for him to be resonsible and man up.
Anyhow, we have finally made the decision to separate. I have felt some relief to be honest, but I also haven't been able to sleep very well and feel sick all the time. Not about leaving him so much, I am completely ok with that - the love and respect slowly dissappeared over the years. But about our kids.
Interestingly since we made the decision, he seems to be getting on as if he has won lotto! Finally getting rid of the nagging wife!
My big worry now is the kids. We will tell them next week and everytime I think about it, I cry. My heart is broken for them.
If anyone has been through this PLEASE I would love your advice. Thanks in advance.
Dealing with husband who is a binge drinker/recreational drug user.
We have had many arguments about this over the years. Mainly around me and the kids not feeling like his priority.
When I was at home with 3 kids under 4, he would stay at the pub (on weeknights often) and on most friday nights until late to avoid coming home and facing the responsibility of parenthood, which he has found very hard to adjust to. All he seems to think about is how it has constrained him, his freedom and his ability to "do what he wants to do".
He took 3 months off booze in lockdown. He did it to prove a point I think. Then since that finished, he has been back to his ways. Going down to a neighbours house on a weds night getting wasted. He left at 430pm and still wasnt home at 130 when I messaged out of concern for his safety! We had a really big fight the next day. I am just so tired of it.
Then last Friday he did it again, with this same guy who is basically a depressed functional AH. They enable each other.
My H says that I am trying to change who he is, and that having fun/partying/beers with the boys is "who he is". He said I am trying to mould him into some version that I want.
All I want is for him to be resonsible and man up.
Anyhow, we have finally made the decision to separate. I have felt some relief to be honest, but I also haven't been able to sleep very well and feel sick all the time. Not about leaving him so much, I am completely ok with that - the love and respect slowly dissappeared over the years. But about our kids.
Interestingly since we made the decision, he seems to be getting on as if he has won lotto! Finally getting rid of the nagging wife!
My big worry now is the kids. We will tell them next week and everytime I think about it, I cry. My heart is broken for them.
If anyone has been through this PLEASE I would love your advice. Thanks in advance.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I haven't been through that but my heart and prayers go out for you and your kids.
Children are smarter than we think. They are probably aware of the problem and are better happy with one stable parent
than to live in a home where addiction or alcohol lives.
It will be an emotional time for everyone, but you are wise to take care of yourself and your children.
Hugs
Children are smarter than we think. They are probably aware of the problem and are better happy with one stable parent
than to live in a home where addiction or alcohol lives.
It will be an emotional time for everyone, but you are wise to take care of yourself and your children.
Hugs
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