Lala39

Hey everyone.

​​​​​​I have a best friend of 14 years... we've been together for 4. He's started using and abusing as a young teenager (so most of his life has been drinking and drugging) He sought help and was sober for 6 years. Long story short, we bought a house, I moved in and he stole my prescriptions. Every last one and left me with nothing. I confronted him and he confessed. He is back in rehab and seems to be trying. When he's sober he is wonderful.

I am so torn here. Half of me wants to walk away because I see a future of constant fear. I am devastated...silly me convinced myself that this part of his life was over. I also love him and see he is trying. Are there ever any happy endings in addiction?

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SparkleKitty

Hi Lala.

I think there are happy endings, but they don't always look like we wish they would when we're at the beginning of the journey.

There are never any guarantees in recovery. Only you can decide what level of uncertainty you are willing to live with. There are a lot of people here who understand what you are dealing with, so I hope you will stick around.

Lala39

Thanks Sparklekitty. Yeah, I suppose you are right. I feel like I've been reading negative after negative and I start to wonder if there is any hope. I feel so down and spun about all of this I'm starting to think it's best to cut my losses before I go through it again. Either way it hurts

HeadEast

I'm 61 and have a different perspective on life, as does anyone my age. There are some happy endings after addiction, but past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. He stole medications after being sober for 6 years. YOUR medications. Medications meant to help you. Every last one, leaving NONE for you. Wow. Again, past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. For the rest of your life, you are going to have to lock up your medications.

Confessed? Was there any doubt? And how does someone not try in rehab? I would give this some serious thought. There are people out there who haven't been drinking and drugging most of their lives.

No doubt decisions like this are hard. Really hard. I wish you the best.

trailmix

Hi Lala39, do addicts ever get sober for long periods of time, absolutely, just no guarantee (as SK mentioned) on how long that sobriety will last. He may never touch another drug or relapses might be more common, you don't know.

Were you living together before you bought a house? I ask because perhaps this relapse happened well before you moved? You may not have known he was using?

Regardless, as you have read around the general consensus is that you really need to focus on yourself. Of course you can be supportive to a degree, but it's really his battle.

Lala39

Hi HeadEast. Thanks for the reply. Honestly I was in some major denial of it being a possibility. It was a 3 month supply of Adderall. I'll admit I'm pretty scattered especially in the move. I hid the bottle and couldn't find where I hid it... so I convinced myself. I looked and looked and looked...and cried a whole lot...I asked him if he saw or took them and he convinced me to look harder. When i tore through every box and every inch of the house and I still didn't find them I knew it had to be him. I accused him, he initially denied it, I accused more and he admitted to taking all of them.

He called the next day to get into rehab. I for sure think people can go to rehab not really want to change. Or aren't ready for it. I think I believe his attempt but then again I don't think I will be able to believe another word out of his mouth. It's broken

Hi trailmix. Thanks for your input as well. No we were not living together prior. I did notice a slight change in him and put it to stress of the move. I really don't think he was using before but I could very well be wrong.

Anaya

Hello, Lala39

I am in agreement with others with the idea of you taking care of yourself; e.g., setting boundaries, self care, self protection, and education. As you probably have already realized, there's lots of helpful information regarding that right here at this website.

HardLessons

Does it ever turn out ok?

Ok seems so simple & little to ask for out of life. For things just to be ok.

In my case no - nothing turned out what could be called "ok" for me or her.

Providing stability & houses are no match against the destructive power of addiction. If they were I would most likely not be here at all on SR. You can read my threads.

Once we become aware & trust has been broken (shattered) its a very long hard road to travel where maybe one day things could once again be considered ok. Its not a road I am willing to travel again with her.

zoso77

It depends on what context you're asking your question. If your intention is to see this through, you have to prepare yourself for a roller coaster existence and you have to be honest with yourself as to whether you can handle that kind of life.

If you decide you can't, pulling the cord and getting out of there is going to bring its own kind of pain. Compared to the pain likely facing you if you decide to stay, though, it's more often than not preferable.

The only thing you can do is be honest with yourself. That and remember that just because you love someone and they love you doesn't necessarily mean it's good for you to be together.

Fortunately for you, there's a bunch of us who've been where you are. I'd seek posts from people like that. Read them carefully. See what resonates and what doesn't. And that'll help you make an informed decision.

One last note of caution: what you want and what's best for you are often orthogonal to each other.

SmartRose

Hi Lala! I came here tonight looking for some answers as well, and I came across your post. I too am going through a similar situation and trying to come to terms with it and make some decisions. I have been here before and posted about my husband stealing money from me and then I found a stash of pills. That was over a year ago now, but things have not changed. I found more pills recently. He says he is not using now, but I know that can't be true because addicts don't just quit. I saw a therapist tonight. She has studied drug addiction and has had a personal family experience, and she said the majority of the time, addicts relapse. They can relapse multiple times, usually 10 or more. Not many people can just quit. It is a disease. So, I guess what we have to ask ourselves is are we willing to live with this person through all of this, not knowing what the future may hold? That's what I am trying to figure out right now, and I am leaning more towards "no." I don't think I can live with that. And me being here with him and financially helping him whether I realize I am doing it or not, is not helping him either. That is such a hard thing for me to see.

I'm learning that it is a very personal journey, but I am hoping to find some clarity through reading about other people's experiences. I am also hoping to find other people to talk to because I don't know who to turn to in my own life. I hope that you can find some clarity as well.