BF blocked me. I'm confused
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Join Date: Aug 2022
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BF blocked me. I'm confused
Hi, everyone. I'm a newcomer here. I'll hope that I'll get support(( Sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker. I'm and my bf in a LDR, we are together for a 1,5 years. He's a drug addicted. He's the smartest guy I ever met, he have a job, lovely hobbies, he's amazing and supportive person. Our relationship was amazing, he was always repeat to me that I'm a source of happiness and he felt great about our relationship. He was clean for almost the whole time we knew each other, but he relapse. He said it to me, I tried to support him and asked him to get the help. I read a lot about addictions since he said about his. I know that it's impossible to do it without professional help. But he said that the dose will be less and less, that he was doing it before. He thought that he can do it alone. So in the and of July we were on a video call (the whole day was great, he felt good, was excited about the work), he said "good night, I love you" and in a 30 min he started to feel bad. It was withdrawal. He called 911, I was so scared. They took him to hospital. Since that day I haven't heard from him. His mom said that he'll be in a rehab for a week (she is overprotective of him, it's bothered him). We were texting with her, she keep me updated. After 8 days he blocked me everywhere. His mom texted me that his Dr and Therapist allowed him to talk only with family members and he'll go to rehab for a 90 days. I was confused and devastated. He didn't said anything to me. I realized that he used some social media after blocked me. In a 5 days of booking he tried to call to me, but I missed the call. I tried to call him back at the same second but he blocked me again.I know that he need the time, I'm ready to wait him, but I don't know how I can tell to him (not sure that his mom shared my messages with him), why he called me...
I've never been so confused...
PS I started therapy. I want to be mentally healthy for the relationship
I've never been so confused...
PS I started therapy. I want to be mentally healthy for the relationship
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,647
Hi Blackmilk. Well, it's really hard to say why he is blocking you, but I would guess that right now he can't handle anything and that includes talking to you. Getting off drugs is a big job. Have you tried asking his Mother how he is doing?
It's terribly hurtful and frustrating, but all you can do is give him space really. You might also want to ask yourself if this is truly a person you want to be around? Someone who would just cut you off with no explanation.
I'm glad you have started therapy for yourself. Maybe with this distance from him now is a good time to ask yourself if this is a relationship you really want, what do you want for yourself?
It's terribly hurtful and frustrating, but all you can do is give him space really. You might also want to ask yourself if this is truly a person you want to be around? Someone who would just cut you off with no explanation.
I'm glad you have started therapy for yourself. Maybe with this distance from him now is a good time to ask yourself if this is a relationship you really want, what do you want for yourself?
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Join Date: Aug 2022
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Originally Posted by trailmix 
Hi Blackmilk. Well, it's really hard to say why he is blocking you, but I would guess that right now he can't handle anything and that includes talking to you. Getting off drugs is a big job. Have you tried asking his Mother how he is doing?
It's terribly hurtful and frustrating, but all you can do is give him space really. You might also want to ask yourself if this is truly a person you want to be around? Someone who would just cut you off with no explanation.
I'm glad you have started therapy for yourself. Maybe with this distance from him now is a good time to ask yourself if this is a relationship you really want, what do you want for yourself?
It's terribly hurtful and frustrating, but all you can do is give him space really. You might also want to ask yourself if this is truly a person you want to be around? Someone who would just cut you off with no explanation.
I'm glad you have started therapy for yourself. Maybe with this distance from him now is a good time to ask yourself if this is a relationship you really want, what do you want for yourself?
I texted to his mom a week ago. She said he is doing better, but it'll be the long way. I said that I'm ready to wait. We were together every day last 1,5 years. I'm confused
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,647
Yes, recovery from any addiction can be a long, hard road.
I don't know if you saw this other thread in this forum, but I posted some links to threads (some are older) about rehab experiences:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-recovery.html (Marriage falling apart in recovery)
You mention that he was clean almost the whole time you have been together, you mean until he relapsed this time? That may or may not be true. He may have been using all along or often and just didn't want to admit it.
I'm not saying that's the case, but some people do lie about their addiction because they feel ashamed. Also because they don't want to quit. But it's hard to say, you can only know what he has told you.
He may be so distressed right now that he just can't deal with your relationship. Relationships take work, they require emotional connection, attention to the other person. Addiction is selfish and recovery is very self centered.
I'm sure you are feeling very hurt. The absolute best thing you can do to help yourself right now is focus your energy on yourself. Eat well, get plenty of sleep, go for walks, do whatever you like to do. Spend time with people you care about and that care about you.
Find distractions for yourself, at least in the short term. Watch movies you like, even if you have a hard time concentrating on them, just keep dragging your attention back to what's going on in the movie. Talk on the phone, meet someone for dinner. If you find yourself ruminating, get up right away and do something, even if that's just washing your hands or walking around the room twice or cleaning the kitchen counter. That helps to stop the train of thought, it gives your mind (and your emotions) a break.
Right now, he is doing whatever he needs to, to build himself up and get himself through this time, that should be your focus for yourself too really.
I'm sure it makes no sense to you, I understand, just know that people in crisis, people who are addicts, don't necessarily think the way other people think.
I don't know if you saw this other thread in this forum, but I posted some links to threads (some are older) about rehab experiences:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-recovery.html (Marriage falling apart in recovery)
You mention that he was clean almost the whole time you have been together, you mean until he relapsed this time? That may or may not be true. He may have been using all along or often and just didn't want to admit it.
I'm not saying that's the case, but some people do lie about their addiction because they feel ashamed. Also because they don't want to quit. But it's hard to say, you can only know what he has told you.
He may be so distressed right now that he just can't deal with your relationship. Relationships take work, they require emotional connection, attention to the other person. Addiction is selfish and recovery is very self centered.
I'm sure you are feeling very hurt. The absolute best thing you can do to help yourself right now is focus your energy on yourself. Eat well, get plenty of sleep, go for walks, do whatever you like to do. Spend time with people you care about and that care about you.
Find distractions for yourself, at least in the short term. Watch movies you like, even if you have a hard time concentrating on them, just keep dragging your attention back to what's going on in the movie. Talk on the phone, meet someone for dinner. If you find yourself ruminating, get up right away and do something, even if that's just washing your hands or walking around the room twice or cleaning the kitchen counter. That helps to stop the train of thought, it gives your mind (and your emotions) a break.
Right now, he is doing whatever he needs to, to build himself up and get himself through this time, that should be your focus for yourself too really.
I'm sure it makes no sense to you, I understand, just know that people in crisis, people who are addicts, don't necessarily think the way other people think.
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Join Date: Aug 2022
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by trailmix
Yes, recovery from any addiction can be a long, hard road.
I don't know if you saw this other thread in this forum, but I posted some links to threads (some are older)
You mention that he was clean almost the whole time you have been together, you mean until he relapsed this time? That may or may not be true. He may have been using all along or often and just didn't want to admit it.
I'm not saying that's the case, but some people do lie about their addiction because they feel ashamed. Also because they don't want to quit. But it's hard to say, you can only know what he has told you.
He may be so distressed right now that he just can't deal with your relationship. Relationships take work, they require emotional connection, attention to the other person. Addiction is selfish and recovery is very self centered.
I'm sure you are feeling very hurt. The absolute best thing you can do to help yourself right now is focus your energy on yourself. Eat well, get plenty of sleep, go for walks, do whatever you like to do. Spend time with people you care about and that care about you.
Find distractions for yourself, at least in the short term. Watch movies you like, even if you have a hard time concentrating on them, just keep dragging your attention back to what's going on in the movie. Talk on the phone, meet someone for dinner. If you find yourself ruminating, get up right away and do something, even if that's just washing your hands or walking around the room twice or cleaning the kitchen counter. That helps to stop the train of thought, it gives your mind (and your emotions) a break.
Right now, he is doing whatever he needs to, to build himself up and get himself through this time, that should be your focus for yourself too really.
I'm sure it makes no sense to you, I understand, just know that people in crisis, people who are addicts, don't necessarily think the way other people think.
I don't know if you saw this other thread in this forum, but I posted some links to threads (some are older)
You mention that he was clean almost the whole time you have been together, you mean until he relapsed this time? That may or may not be true. He may have been using all along or often and just didn't want to admit it.
I'm not saying that's the case, but some people do lie about their addiction because they feel ashamed. Also because they don't want to quit. But it's hard to say, you can only know what he has told you.
He may be so distressed right now that he just can't deal with your relationship. Relationships take work, they require emotional connection, attention to the other person. Addiction is selfish and recovery is very self centered.
I'm sure you are feeling very hurt. The absolute best thing you can do to help yourself right now is focus your energy on yourself. Eat well, get plenty of sleep, go for walks, do whatever you like to do. Spend time with people you care about and that care about you.
Find distractions for yourself, at least in the short term. Watch movies you like, even if you have a hard time concentrating on them, just keep dragging your attention back to what's going on in the movie. Talk on the phone, meet someone for dinner. If you find yourself ruminating, get up right away and do something, even if that's just washing your hands or walking around the room twice or cleaning the kitchen counter. That helps to stop the train of thought, it gives your mind (and your emotions) a break.
Right now, he is doing whatever he needs to, to build himself up and get himself through this time, that should be your focus for yourself too really.
I'm sure it makes no sense to you, I understand, just know that people in crisis, people who are addicts, don't necessarily think the way other people think.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,647
One book I would recommend is Codependent no more, by Melody Beattie. It's often recommended here. No because you are or aren't codependent, but it has really good information about boundaries etc in all relationships and you might find it really comforting and it will give you some tools to keep moving forward.
Nothing wrong with waiting to see if he contacts you, but a few months is a long time to sit with so much anxiety. That's why it's so important to look after yourself.
Nothing wrong with waiting to see if he contacts you, but a few months is a long time to sit with so much anxiety. That's why it's so important to look after yourself.
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Join Date: Aug 2022
Posts: 13
Thanks, I'll definitely check this book. Yeah, I know, that's why I'm trying to distract myself: work, gym, friends, i love walking. I'm already started therapy. My friends and mom supports me a lot. I just know how important to have support and I want him to know that I'm here for him. We were close and he always was asking to support him(
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Hello BlackMilk, I'm so sorry for what brings you to this forum, but glad you found us. Early recovery is such a hard time for anyone. Their minds and emotions are a roller coaster, and attempting to provide emotional support to someone else is impossible. Rehab is just the first step on a life-long journey. If your boyfriend has been using drugs the entire time you were together, then you don't know the real him. He doesn't even know himself.
Please do take this time to work on yourself. You are worth it, and as you say--you will be better prepared for any future relationship. Whether it is with him or someone else.
Please do take this time to work on yourself. You are worth it, and as you say--you will be better prepared for any future relationship. Whether it is with him or someone else.
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Join Date: Aug 2022
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Hi, Seren. I'm appreciate for your comment. My bf texted me, we're talked about everything. He's the same as he was, I mean he's carrying, he love me, he was afraid to texted because he thought that I'm mad. We're discussed everything, so I'll stay in a therapy, because I want to save the relationship and I want to gave him the best support, he want to try too. I know it'll be hard, but I'm ready. And of course I'm the priority for myself right now.
All of you here so amazing. I got the great support. I'll stay here to get more experience and share mine.
All of you here so amazing. I got the great support. I'll stay here to get more experience and share mine.
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